Quick Survey: Summer break... good or bad for recent break ups?

[lvlyldy]

I know for most people in college or highschool.. summer vacation is just around the corner, or has already started. For those of you who have recently broken up (ie the last 2-3 months or so) and who are still in contact with their exes (as friends or LC) and what them back, do you feel the summer apart without contact (hopefully) will work in your favor ie help you reconcile when you get back.. or work against you ie help you/your ex get over eachother?

 

My ex and I broke up a little over 2 mo ago, and will probably not see eachother at all for 3 mo. He told me he just wanted time and space to be a guy, and get control over his life... and in someways I think that the time apart (ive seen him EVERYDAY since we broke up, someway or another because we live accross from eachother and shared a class and so we havent been able to cool off from eachother yet) will help us either 1) miss eachother and reconcile or 2) get over eachother. Either way.. next year will definetely be different.

[mikeca]

Well i guess it depends. You can see it as a time to reflect..he/she is own there own making their own memories as are you..then they begin to wonder why your not there making memories with them..but if they dont think that. then its clear its over and who knows you may have a summer rommance

[Stinkweed]

I think it's gonna do you wonders if you're willing to let it.

[bobo85]

depends if you can keep yourself busy by meeting new people or surrounding yourself with people you love. If you just sit at home watching tv and going on the internet for the summer of course your mind is going wander.

 

Try taking classes, lessons, travel, getting a summer job, get in shape, etc.

[crushed2285]

WOW i could have written this same thing....and I am terrified I will lose him during the summer. even though he swears up and down that it's not like that and he isn't worried one bit that he will stop wanting me or that his feelings for me will fade. He said having a happily ever after with me is worth the wait and that he wants to start fresh and miss each other. He says I worry too much and that I shouldn't because I have his heart. Although he hooked up with a couple other girls since we broke up seven months ago (they have all been pretty ugly and slutty so I am not sure what all that is about). I am finding it very hard to cope with. What if he comes back and changes his mind

 

i am so negative...

[lvlyldy]

I wrote this post a few days before I left college. Its been almost 2 weeks now since Ive been home, and Ive been able to follow through with NC (with one slip up, but he didnt answer). When we left things, he seemed pretty determined to let things go, even though he was miserable alone. After 12 days of not seeing/hearing from him I have to say I do feel a lot more stable. At this point I am reflecting a lot about whether I want him in my life even if he came back, which is a good point to be in I think.

 

I miss him yes, and as days go by I think its less and less likely that he will want to reconcile as time goes by. I think however, that if he can get over me, then it wasnt meant to be in the first place, and at least I found out sooner (after a year and a half) than later.

[crushed2285]

i just feel absolutely horrible and uncertain. we started seeing each other again, i was spending a few nights a week over there, we were saying i love you, baby, etc. but he kept saying he couldn't make any promises. this went on for a little over a month. then i sensed him pulling away again, said i still wouldn't give him space. said i was always around. i am not sure how true this is because I felt like i was giving him space. guess it wasn't enough. he started talking about how couldn't committ to me right now but that he loves me and i mean so much to him and if i didn't, he would have been gone by now, not saying that we would still work on things. he is going back home for the summer and we will see each other very little, if at all. i dont know if he will call or anything. he talked to a friend about it. he said that he wants it to be fresh, and that he feels if we got back together right now things may go back to the way they were and that would be it. and he doesnt want that. he says that if we get back together he wants it to be forever. says we are right for each other but not 'ripe' for each other yet. says he wants us to mature and grow and that he has seen a big change in me but that we still are not ready yet. we see each other every single day (I live next to him, too) and that he wants to get a chance to miss me. we will have a three month break in the summer and i am terrified of what will happen.

[lvlyldy]

Is this something only he wants, or you too? You seem to be a lot like me, and your situation seems to be very similar. My ex and I saw eachother, but he was very stubborn about not wanting to reconcile, because he felt nothing would change. I have to accept that it is a break up in every way and form... and so Ive been able to really realize a lot about myself.

 

I know this... if we do figure it out and get back together, Im glad it didnt happen sooner. As painful as this process is that Im going through, If we had tried to fix things earlier (ie before I had gotten on my two feet, and could be okay with or without him) nothing would really change. I think the way I feel now, is a much healthier place. Look back at your relationship, and at your behavior. He wants something fresh and new next year, right? Well then take this time to work on being okay without him... take this time to figure out what YOU want, instead of pining away for him. Im glad my ex never said anything like that to me... it would never let me heal. Yes I want my ex back, but no I dont want to go back to the same problems we had.

 

I went from seeing him EVERYDAY, to not hearing from him at all... a big change, but im realizing that what we had WASNT going to last. You need to work on making yourself less dependent on him. I never realized to what extent I needed my ex... and im working (even now, 3 months later) on doing that. My being dependent led to so many problems, insecurity, jealousy, not giving enough space. Yes it was my first real relationship, but I do know that I love my ex with all my heart, so I need to be fair to myself and him I have to learn to be okay without myself FIRST.

 

If I was in your position, Id take what your bf has said at face value... he loves you and he cares about you. Yes, there is a possibility that may change his mind when you get back... but I think that is MORE LIKELY if you spend all summer pining away for him... wondering if he'll call etc. You are going to get tense, you arent going to be happy... and who wants to be with someone who is so crazy all the time? I remember the girl I used to be, and this breakup has taken me far from it. Im working on that, and so should you. Not just for your bf, but for yourself. That is the lesson you need to learn from this experience, what is it YOU want? What else besides your bf makes you happy? When you get back to school, and back into the relationship, what is it that is going to make things different? It takes more than words to make things work. Put your plans into action, and you'll find yourself better off either way. Realize that he is just a person, just like you... and that your happiness shouldnt depend on him being there.

[crushed2285]

thank you very much, it is nice hearing something from someone who's been there. i am reallllly tired, but your post really made sense, and i wanted to say so. i have some finals tomorrow but i will post more later

[mikeca]

well little update to my previous post. I recently had a little rebound fling with somone I met, she was from out of town but we clicked right away. I knew this was going to be temp thing because she would be moving back within 2 weeks. Being with someone else has given me some prospective on my past relationship. I realized alot of things I was doing was just giving in instead of being myself. Its definitely made me all the more wiser.

[crushed2285]

well...he is about to leave and will be gone until mid july. he is coming up here to say goodbye to me soon.... i am scared this is the end

 

 

will update on how the convo goes...i dont know if i can hold back the tears....i hate goodbyes anyways

[jchan]

Normally summer break usually allows people to do some reflection on their own. But at the same time, unfortunately, other people will come into the picture most of the time.

 

1) It's good if you take the initiative to go out their and meet someone new and forget the ex completely.

 

2) It's bad when your ex finds someone new.

 

Option 1 is happening, but so far it's been quite "interesting" so to speak.

 

Option 2 is happening right before my eyes

[vesper]

A summer break sounds PERFECT for post-break-up. TIme to have fun and focus on yourself, healing, sunshine, and making new friends.