seeing my ex in a few days, tips please!

[joyce1412]

hello, i'll try to keep it as short as i can! my ex and i were together for a year and a half, he broke up with me because of the increasing stress of a long-distance relationship (he constantly travels for work) and some other smaller factors. he broke up with me about a month ago, and we have had have had NC since the first couple of days after the breakup (we were on a "break" for a couple days because he didn't want to call for the definitive breakup). there was also some very minor text-messaging regarding exchanging some of our stuff. but other than that, total NC.

 

a good friend of mine is having a birthday party in a few days. i have decided that i will for sure go, even though a) my ex's good friends will definitely be there (the birthday guy is a mutual friend, though he is much better friends with me) and b) he may be there as well. now, i'm inclined to believe that he may not go out of respect/not wanting to run into me. however, given the happenings of the last few weeks/months, i couldn't be surprised if he did show up.

 

so, point being, i am looking for tips on how to handle the situation. i'd like to be able to conduct myself gracefully and appear strong even though it will be the first time i am seeing these people since the breakup. i want to conduct myself as if i am looking and doing well, while creating as little awkwardness as possible between his friends and--worst case scenario--him. i want them to leave thinking that i am not bitter, nor do i have anything against them, and that i still like them (well, this should at least be possible with his friends). and yes, i also want them to leave thinking, "wow! she seems great! what a mistake [name] made leaving her."

 

suggestions, please?

[Lady Bugg]

First...show up looking outrageously fabulous.

 

Greet everyone with a smile and a hug....

Mingle. If anyone asks how your ex is or brings him up, speak

highly of him, but keep it minimal.

 

DO NOT discuss your breakup!!!!!! Just politely say you'd rather not discuss it

then change the subject.

 

If you see your ex, say hello...but do NOT talk about the relationship ..even if HE brings it up. Just say you'd rather discuss it at a later time.

 

If alcohol makes you emotional, try to refrain from drinking.

 

Leave earlier than him if possible. He may wonder where you're going...

It's much better to understay your visit than overstay.

 

Hope this helps some.

[Phoenix69]

Totally agree with Lady Bugg. And to add to that. Act like you are completely over it. Talk about things that have NOTHING to do with your ex. Act like it was a mere flicker in your past and are moving onto bigger and better things

[007]

Yup, both of these women got it spot on with what to do...as I have thought about it myself if I was to run into the ex.

 

Act like you are ALREADY on to bigger and better things...that he was just a speckle of dust in a HUGE house.

 

I bet that if you act the way these girls are telling you, and you avoid the alcohol, be so pleasant, upbeat, etc. AND leave early...he WILL in fact take notice AND best of all...WONDER!

 

Good luck, and I hope you knock 'em dead!

[Trex]

I concur with everyone else's recommendations. Dress up, look amazing, laugh and have a great time. I did this the other night with my ex at a party she invited me to. Unfortunately, we ended up talking about our relationship (BIG MISTAKE!) b/c she sort of raised the issue, and it set me back. DON'T do what I did. If he brings it up, tell him you'd rather not discuss it at that time. Let him chase you for a while. Even though I messed up, that's my plan. Let the ex come to me, while I'm going to be less available, though still very nice when she contacts me.

 

The biggest thing for you is to UNDERSTAY your welcome. Definitely leave early. I didn't, and now I'm suffering for it. Good luck at the party and let us know how it goes!!

[joyce1412]

awesome! big thanks to everyone, especially lady bugg.

 

i definitely want to make sure i look good...though not too good, if you know what i mean. i want to look hot for him without making him think i want to look hot for him. haha.

 

ugh...i'm so anxious about it though. a few weeks ago i had realized that the day would come soon when he would see me again at a party or something...i had no idea it would be so soon. i almost feel like i've been building up that day in my head, like i made it something to look forward to in this whole breakup mess...i would see him in a couple months, and he would want me again. i have been doing really well lately, losing weight, looking good and making changes in my life, but i feel like i'm really just doing it for him, in anticipation of "that day" rolling around.

 

sigh. i wish i didn't care what he thought of me anymore. and i wish i could stop loving this guy who dumped me. and stop hating him, too.

 

you know?

[blender]

Joyce, have an "emotional plan" for yourself if you are planning on actually going (I chose to stay away from any party/event my ex would be at because my heart was still hurting and I was still hoping) but if you really want to go, please know that you are still very vulnerable and will have "expectations" even if you don't think you have them, so have an emotional plan in your head for any scenario so you are not caught off guard, and you can have "class, maturity" and feel good about yourself afterwards.. this is key..

 

Also even though this is a mutual friend, are you sure you want to go? Have you thought this through and what a "set back" it could be for you emotionally? I avoided my ex, I didn't tell people "why" I wasn't going to certain things, I would just call and say a "conflict came up" and I can't make it, or I just wouldn't show up if it was a big party and no one would be missing me anyway, because first and foremost you have to protect YOU and your own heart/emotions.... just be prepared as best you can..

 

because these "meetings of the ex's" always prove to be really exhausting emotionally, so try to work it all through in your head, and remember it's hard to be vulnerable and act "okay', because when we choose to "pretend" we usually walk away with "what if I had "acted" this way or that way" would he have responded differently to me.. unless you are "OVER" what he thinks, and you will get there, you will one day not worry about what he thinks, but until then, remember you are vulnerable and you just might want to consider not going to the party..

 

you can wait till that night and see how you feel and you just might not want to risk your heart and go... AND it might actually be better if he thinks he's going to see you there and he doesn't get the chance.. this might actually be 'better" for you..... just think it all through..with your head not your heart..

 

Let us know what you decide, and good luck, we're all here for ya...

[joyce1412]

hey blender, thanks for that. hmm. that's really something to think about. my first impulse was actually not to go...when i heard about it a week ago, terror struck my heart a little, i won't lie.

 

after thinking about it, i decided i would go, the reasons being:

 

1. post-breakup, i am making my friend/family relationships priorities. this friend of mine is someone who i have recently spent a lot of time with and was really excited about getting to know well--we have a lot in common, and since it is so hard for me to meet people and make friends, it seemed like such a blessing to have him in my life right now. he also came to my birthday party a few months ago, a very small gathering of my close friends, and i wanted to return the favor.

 

2. with that in mind, i thought, "why should i let my ex drive me away from my friend? why should i let him shut me out of my friend's birthday? HE should be the one sitting at home on the night of the party, not me!" because i am better friends with him, i have this sense (right or wrong, i don't know) that i am entitled to be there more than he is. but more than that, i'm trying to not let this jerk get in the way of my friendship, and thus get in the way of me having a life. i don't want to think that i let him mess things up for me anymore than he already did!

 

3. i felt that since i am better friends with the birthday guy, and since the manner of the breakup led me to think my ex would err on the side of staying distant versus being around me, that there is a good chance he will not go.

 

4. i would LIKE to send out the message that just because i am not [name]'s girlfriend doesn't mean i can't be a part of this group of people. when i was with my ex i sometimes felt that the only reason i deserved to be hanging out with these people (some people whom i think are very cool and talented) was because i was "a girlfriend." i kind of want to prove to myself and to others that i am an interesting, cool person who can fit in with this group of people on my own merits. this has always been an insecurity of mine, thinking i'm not someone who is worth getting to know, and i hope to use this time out of a relationship to grow out of such insecurities.

 

so those were my main reasons. i do recognize that yours are definitely worth considering, though...i will continue to think about it and make a concrete decision closer to the date.

 

do these sound reasonable to anyone?? and knowing that information, does going to the party sound like a better option? i'd be interested in blender's or anyone else's thoughts.

[coolbloke1978]

I agree with all of the above. I have been nothing but dignified post break up and it's made me feel a lot better. Don't act like you dont care. In fact act like you DO CARE. But not in an ex lover kinda way more in a friendly kinda way - dunno if this makes sense. Smile be happy be jovial - mingle but at the same time be polite to your ex and say hey how are you etc etc etc. Then leave him be and say oh I'll go and say hello to XYZ but I'll see you later. This kinda behaviour will be the best. It shows your niceness, strength of character and that you are the bigger person. Best of luck.x

[blender]

Great advice from "Coolbloke" as well, you have every right to go to the party, and I understand your reasons. Please know you are more than worthy to be around any group of people. And it's YOU that matters. Remember, no "acting", no "alcohol" and keep it lite and polite with him.. and yes, by no "acting" try not to "act" as if you don't care, because the fact is you do, you are still hurting, and that's okay.

 

If he asks you, How you are doing? Do you know what you will say? You can always say, "it still hurts, but I'm doing okay, thanks for asking, how are you doing?" You can always remember to "ask a question" to get out of revealing too much about yourself.. but like Coolbloke said, get away and talk to someone else, don't "trap" him into conversation, but also don't "run away" from him either, see it's a tough balance when we are still so vulnerable.. it just is, that is the only reason, I suggested you search your heart and know that you are prepared emotionally before seeing him... You'll do just fine...

 

be yourself and if you feel yourself getting so vulnerable and it hurts too much simply say you have to go, have an "escape excuse" ready, and this is for YOU, so you can have the comfort of knowing you can leave there feeling good about YOURSELF..

 

I remember when I was at the first party after my break up, and this was not my last break up, (I haven't seen him at all) but years ago, after a break up I went to a party for very similiar reasons to yours, and when I saw my ex, my heart was pounding, and I was so nervous, I don't know why I felt such a mix/jumble up of my emotions, but I did, I was kind, nice, cordial, and in control on the "outside" but during the party, whenever I saw him talking to some girl, it was so tough.. it just was.. and I cried all the way home in the car, but I did survive it, and I was fine...

 

but I was shocked at how "emotional" it all was for me, because he was just there having a good time, he didn't think he owed me any special conversation, and the fact was, he didn't, we were over, but yeah, the whole day I imagined him taking me aside and asking about "me", but he never did, we were simply polite to each other, and that was fine, but man, my heart had all different romantic moments it anticipated and that "expectation" is what lead to my "disappointment" at the party, and I kept hoping it was written all over my face... anyway, I made it through that night to love again... it's all a part of the process..

 

The most important thing is to be proud of how you choose to behave and not what he does or doesn't do.. good luck... you're going to do so well... you are taking the time to think it all through and be honest with yourself and that's going to be very helpful...

[joyce1412]

but I was shocked at how "emotional" it all was for me, because he was just there having a good time, he didn't think he owed me any special conversation, and the fact was, he didn't, we were over, but yeah, the whole day I imagined him taking me aside and asking about "me", but he never did, we were simply polite to each other, and that was fine, but man, my heart had all different romantic moments it anticipated and that "expectation" is what lead to my "disappointment" at the party, and I kept hoping it was written all over my face... anyway, I made it through that night to love again... it's all a part of the process..

 

first of all, thanks so much for your thoughtful response. you've really given me some food for thought.

 

geez, i just don't know. i really thought about my motivations for going. because i do have lots of reasons for going, for my friends, but i need to remember that my emotional health is most important.

 

i think the most likely scenario is just what you described, where we would just say hi to each other and then avoid one another like the plague. i certainly won't try to have a conversation with him, much less a conversation about the relationship. i know that much. and i'm pretty certain he wouldn't try to have any kind of conversation with me. the breakup wasn't bitter--i hadn't done anything to him, i hadn't offended him in any way, it was he who was having issues--but he was extremely, extremely cold and detached in our final conversation, so i can't imagine he'd want to chat me up.

 

however, sometimes you never know how bad it is until you actually go through it. maybe i'll get there and see his face, and everything will be like it always was when we'd hang out with everyone...except that we're not together. and there will just be a distant "hello" or something. even though i fully anticipate that happening, maybe i'm just not ready to go through it.

 

then again, i'm definitely not ready to give up my friends. we're going to see each other sometime, whether it's in a few days or a few months. is it better to get the "first time seeing him" over now, or later?

[blender]

Joyce, I have to say you have to do what is best for you... for me, since my last break up, almost a year now, I have made it a point not to go where ever I may run into him, I too lost wieght, looked great, but I knew, I just knew for ME it, that I was not ready to see him (without expectations) and I was just too vulnerable and I knew this about myself.. (although part of me too, wanted to "get it over with")... but I had to ask myself "get what over with?"

 

I didn't want to see him when I was still to vulnerable, and yes, I too had the thoughts of "I'm not going to let him ruin my good time and I have every "right" to go to the same party"... but I also knew I wasn't going to lose any "real" friends by missing a party, so I always had a polite excuse and just didn't go if I knew he'd be someplace... because I knew it would set me back, however that was ME, and YOU might be much stronger than I was at the time..

 

I had to do some real soul searching the few times that I DID have the opportunity to see him at a mutual friend's party,I just couldn't do it..

 

I didn't tell people why I couldn't go, I just didn't go.. one of our friends had a wedding, yes a wedding, and I didn't go, (that was one of the toughest nights for me, I kept thinking "should I have gone?", I'm I a weakling?", what a baby I am being, but I couldn't go, and it felt so horrible to be home when so many friends were celebrating together) after it was over, I sent a gift to my friends and said that one of my relatives needed me at the last minute out of town...

 

I'm sure he wondered why I wasn't there, because for the most part people thought I was going, but like any party I'm sure someone said to him, "she had to go out of town"... this way he wouldn't think I was avoiding him, and who cares if he did, I was over doing anything for "what he might think" and I was just taking care of me and setting my own boundaries for my heart to heal.

 

In therapy I came to the conclusion that I had to do what was best for me... and not what was best for my "curiosity"..

 

I know the next time I see him, I want to be in a "good emotional place' and so far I have not been ready, however I am "much better' I'm still not ready... but you seem like you might be...

 

so I guess you have to ask yourself what is best for you... and that is all that matters.. if you can see him and be okay with it, then go for it.. and be proud of yourself and BE yourself around him..

 

You are an amazing person, with so much joy ahead of you, he was a "bridge" to a better you, and you can be thankful, yeah, even for the heartache, because we can become "better" version of ourselves after such pain, and disapointment, I am much more patient with others, I'm finding joy in being on my own, and I'm finding myself again.. as corny as it sounds, It does feel better and I feel more powerful about who I am and what I have to offer someone who will stick around.. and not someone who will turn on a dime all of the sudden after a wonderful intimate love was shared... like your ex, mine too "had issues" and was able to turn his love off like a faucet, (although I know he loved me, he was incapable of a lasting love, this is HIS pattern, not mine)

 

You do whatever is best for you, be in your own TRUTH, and all will be fine, remember no alcohol at the party, it's so NOT a good idea.. just go and maybe you can "pretend to have another party to go to" if you need an escape situation if you are feeling to much emotion.. Just go and have fun if that is your desire, maybe he won't even be there, just have an emotional plan for yourself, remember you want to "feel good about YOU afterwards, don't worry about him"

 

you're going to be fine.. just fine.. you've taken the time to think this all through so whatever you decide, will be right for YOU... good luck, please let us know how it all goes, whether you go or not... best, Blender

[enolaton]

You know, my ex and I share almost ALL the same friends. We were bound to run into each other. It was hard and awkward the first few times we were all together (and yes, there were times where I just wanted to leave) but, after seeing her several times, things got more and more natural. Of course, we're still not the best of friends, but things are slowly becoming less awkward. It's just all a matter of if you think you can handle it - if you can make it over the first hill... Things DO get easier...

[joyce1412]

very interesting, enolaton. thank you.

 

can i ask if there were any power struggles between you and your ex in terms of who got to "keep" certain friends? well, keep is the wrong word, but did you find that friends felt like they had to take sides, or that you or your ex wanted them to take sides? what kind of specific awkwardnesses did the shared friends present?

 

also, did you ever have any problems with friends who would remind you about your ex in conversation or bring up what's going on in his/her life a little more often than is considerate/necessary? i currently have a friend who's doing this and i'm not quite sure how to handle her.

 

thanks.

[joyce1412]

also, enolaton, just for reference...is this an ex you would still like to get back together with, or is she definitely in the past for you? how do you feel shared friends affect this? thanks so much.

[enolaton]

My pleasure Joyce.

 

Fortunately for me, there really was no power struggle for friends. Things are simply understood. Sometimes we all hang out together, sometimes separately. My ex and I are very cordial, and we both still care for each other very much. Granted, there are some friends that see it from my "side" better, and there are those who see it from her "side" better. Nonetheless, if they're your friends, NOTHING will stop them from being there for you. Things are awkward at first, but as I said, it's just an initial bump that I had to get over. My ex IS very close to a couple of my friends (more so then me), and at times, one of them, to this day, still asks me all kinds of questions: Am I seeing someone? Do I miss my ex? Am I still chasing my ex? Do I still want to be with my ex? At times, it's hard to distinguish whether they are asking to just talk as friends do, or if they are asking to report, so to speak, back to the ex to keep tabs on me. In that sense, I do keep myself guarded, and answer as vague as I can - KEEP YOURSELF MYSTERIOUS!!! - don't pour your entire heart out to mutual friends if you can avoid doing so. Talk to friends independent of the ex if you can.

 

Also, yes, the friends do bring up the ex from time to time. I usually just let it slide to show that it doesn't bother me - I respond with a simple "cool". If, it really makes you uncomfortable, I would just say something to your friend. Tell her you're not really interested in knowing. Again, if they're truly your friends, they'll stop. Personally, I just try to keep things cool and not let them get to me. Try and change the subject. Show that nothing bothers you, and don't give them anything negative to tell the ex (especially if you still wish for reconciliation). Position yourself as a strong, independent person.

 

Yes, I still want to be with my ex. Unfortunately, with shared friends always comes little reminders of the ex and how things used to be. One way or another, I always get a hint as to what's going on in my ex's life, and she always knows what's going on in mine (hence, you should act mysterious at times). Our shared friends don't really mention anything about the ex that would hurt me (at least not intentionally).

 

My main point is this: if you truly believe you are strong enough to get over that initial hill, and you're not pining for the ex, then come what may. There are still hard times, but things have gotten MUCH easier for me. Hope this helps.

[joyce1412]

well, i am still "pining" for him in that if he wanted me back...i can't lie, i would take him back in a second.

 

how do you maintain the balance of NC/LC and sharing friends at the same time? that has to be difficult.

 

i almost feel like the shared friends might put me at a disadvantage, at least in the area of reconciliation with my ex. if i'm always around, how is he going to miss me? or will being a presense in our group of friends help me?

[enolaton]

If need be, take some time away from your friends. They should understand. Honestly, I just make things simple. I'm at a point where I can "keep my emotions in check", and maintain all of my relationships. I just let things be. I don't plan anything. I truly live day-to-day. If you plan things out, and they don't turn out the way you want them to, you end up more hurt and disappointed. If you want to see your friends, see them. Let's be honest... you can't just dump them becuase you're no longer in a relationship with your ex...

[linda5]

I agree with all of you. If you see your ex at the party, just be polite and try to make the conversation short and acknowledge his present. I wish I read this post a couple weeks ago. I ran into my ex bf at the mutual friend's funeral after five months not seeing each other. I knew he was going to be there and told myself that I would be okay talking to him as a friend. However when I saw him....it still hurt me so much that I pretended that he did not exist....even when he came over and put his hand on my back. Now I wonder what would happen if I said hi to him. And was it worth it to be at the funeral to begin with? (of course i had listed all the reasons why I should attend the funeral).

ladybug, that was a very good advice!!!

[joyce1412]

well, last night was the big night.

 

i was so nervous before i went in that i felt like throwing up...but actually, he ended up not showing. i was kind of disappointed because i really did want to get seeing him for the first time post-breakup "over with." i feel like that i need to see it's over with my own eyes...and maybe if he could see me and remain as unaffected and detached as he has been, i'll know that there's nothing else i can do. i know that's silly, but i've been so confused trying to reconcile the person who loved me and cared for me and said i was his "dream girl" with the person who left me, especially since it was done over the phone (it's a long-distance relationship). in some ways i still feel like the person who dumped me six weeks ago was some sort of "fluke."

 

at the same time, the fact that he wasn't there allowed me to have a much better time. i acted like i didn't have a care in the world, looked great, socialized with everyone, and no one treated me any differently. i was ultimately glad i went.

 

however, spending time with this group of friends again has really made me think. last night went well, but hearing everyone talk about the things i could no longer participate in was pretty sad. my ex and several of these friends are musicians in the same band, and knowing that everyone will be able to go to their shows, parties, etc. while i can't is really hard. besides it being highly inappropriate and very painful for me even if i were to attend these things, i'm pretty sure my ex doesn't want me there. i feel that since my ex is closer with the people in this group, and closer with more of them, that maybe i need to find a new group. plus, i don't know what i'll do when the day comes that my ex starts bringing around girls and whatnot. do i need to find another crowd that's all my own?

 

advice, anyone?

[HardShowingAffection]

So why didn't he show up? Do you think he is at a point where he couldn't see you without getting emotional?

 

This happened to me. When I broke up with my ex, I was supposed to have a volleyball game with her the following week. When I talked to her, I told her that I didn't want to go because I didn't want to do anything stupid. I didn't want to say anything stupid, or get emotional, for I knew it would just push her away. Well, two weeks later, we had our championship game, and I was playing. She wanted to play too, and I talked to her on the phone. I told her to play, and she brought up the fact that I said I wasn't comfortable. I told her that I was now, and it would be fun, and that it was for the championship! We're playing! Well, we played, and while we definitely have feelings for one another, we were cool about everything, and I would say the night was a success. I took a genuine interest in her and her life, and was just happy, as I had been working hard on myself.

 

She ended up going to the same concert that I was going to the following night, and she met us down there. We had a great night. I felt more comfortable yet, because I had been working on ME, and felt good about me and what I had learned. We had fun again! It felt good to see her, to be around her, to laugh with her.

 

Well, when I talked to her on Friday, she started getting emotional, saying that it was so hard for her to hang out with me because of how much she loved me, and how strong her feelings were for me. She said when I put my arm around her, she just wished in her head that "everything could be allright". I agreed. I guess my point is that maybe your ex is at a point where you were before. Where you weren't sure if you could see him. Maybe he didn't show because he didn't want to get emotional, as you were afraid you would.

 

I guess I would just recommend keep working on yourself! Make you the best you can be. It will reflect in the way people see you, and how you see yourself, and you can't ask for much more than that! If you are positive and had fun, people want to be around that! Focus on the good! Learn for the bad!

[joyce1412]

you know, i have no idea why he didn't show up. it was more "appropriate" for me to be there i suppose, since the birthday guy is a good friend of mine and not such a good friend of his. however, several of his friends were there, and usually when there's a group gathering when he's home, he'll always hit it up.

 

a friend of his had mentioned before the party that she didn't think he would come, that he would probably give me some space on this occasion. but i think that was based on conjecture rather than something he said...my ex has really kept his lips zipped about the whole breakup.

 

i probably COULD read something into this situation if i wanted to. he also sent me a text message the day he came home with the times he was around, saying to let him know if i wanted to "meet up." (i had asked him several weeks ago to get in touch with me when he was back so we could see about exchanging our things.) so i could read into both situations...BUT, i'm choosing not to. (by the way, i ultimately sent him a polite email asking him to exchange things with my friend.)

 

i had a really sad day yesterday...i was kind of bored, didn't have much to do, so i ended up thinking waaaay too much about him and the breakup. but today will be a better day, i'm going to try not to dwell as much.

[joyce1412]

oh--but the one thing i DON'T get is that he didn't respond to my email about exchanging things with my friend. i thought it was really rude, he could have at least said, "okay, thanks, i'll give her a call"...or SOMETHING. after a year and a half of waiting for him at home while he was out on the road, and after a bad breakup, you'd think i would at least deserve a freaking response to my email!!! it's really disappointing, the way he's been acting as of late...very unlike him.

[HardShowingAffection]

Maybe that email makes it seem like you are really moving on, and ready to move on with your life. The 'finality' of the relationship, when you want to get all of your stuff back, and be finished with the whole situation.

 

He might be having some thoughts and maybe some regret. Like you said though, try not to read too much into anything. I can't help but read into alot of situations as well, but have to stop myself short.

 

Although sometimes I wonder if people are too 'big' to suck up their pride and admit when they have been wrong, apologize, and work to make a situation better. I, personally, have gotten much better at admitting when I have been wrong and apologizing in hopes of putting bad times behind me, however, I am not so sure that my ex is at that point. It seems she hangs onto everything.

[joyce1412]

 

hi again, i think you're right about that. i'm assuming your ex was the one to call for the breakup? from my own experience trying to break up with someone and from my most recent experience, i THINK the coldness that is often characteristic of the dumper and the lack of cordiality/lack of admission of wrongdoing after the breakup are both signs of guilt. after all, how hard is it to say to someone, or even acknowledge to oneself, "i know i stomped on your heart, and i know what i'm doing is going to make you miserable for months, and i'm sorry?" especially because the dumper is probably a bit sick of you already (otherwise she wouldn't be dumping you), so she probably feels the urgency to wash her hands of you without investing too much more emotion with apologies, et cetera. does that make any sense? it's the eagerness to make a clean break without making herself any sadder and also the refusal to accept culpability for hurting someone else--because right now, all she's thinking about is how SHE feels, and what SHE feels is the desire to get away.

 

i've been thinking about these things a lot in the past couple of days, and these are the emotions i think my ex is probably going through. i've sort of been in the situation before, so i'm trying to empathize with him...though i don't in ANY way condone it, especially because i would never end a LONG-TERM relationship in this way.