5 months now....

[eyeswideopen]

And she still is on my mind. I think back to the day we actually broke up and wham!, why didn't I try harder or give it more effort in those first few moments? Maybe it could have worked, maybe not....

 

We were going through a rough patch. I was ignoring her needs, as she was ignoring mine. We got into a power struggle rut. I mean, I don't like being controlled nor do I like to control, but there we were, doing just that. She always wanted to get married, I didn't. I had no doubt I wanted to spend the rest of my life with her, but I was just being stubborn. "I'm not religious and I'm not a fan of paper laws, so why can't we just stay like this forever?" What an idiotic way of looking at it. There were times throughout this relationship I wanted to ask her, but I didn't. 5.5 years we were together. I knew something was amiss back this summer. I couldn't pinpoint it, asked questions which were denied, backed off some, steered clear of accusations, but then the night before New Years, we get into a fight, with one of her friends who's married and one of the biggest flirts I've ever met. We leave, we are fighting, and I ask her, why are you still with me? "I don't know anymore!".... wow.... what a shock that was to me.. "I don't know anymore". She gets out of the car, I Say I'll see you at home, and she doesn't come home. At all, that night. I"m scared, we were drinking, thinking the worst. I check her cell records, and she was apparently talking to another guy for a while now... even during my Christmas party, when I noticed she wasn't around, I asked where she went, she said "I was on the dance floor, you looked right at me." but was in fact on the phone with him.

This was the second time in the relationship she lied about speaking with other guys... I was too angry, too upset, and felt too betrayed... I felt the trust was gone now... hence, we must break up.

 

She slept over the other guy's house that night... saying he was the only option because our friend's were out of town... Either way, we didn't break up right away, we broke up the Wed. after.....

 

And I look back at that day still as one of the worst days of my life... I cry as I type this because I am thinking about it. She's already moved on with this other guy, supposedly happy as she could be. I wish I was there too, but I'm not.. it's been 5 months, and I still don't feel like things are getting better for me and I'm lost without her. It frustrates me, pisses me off, and saddens me that I either one, lost the girl I've always wanted out of stubborness, or two, still haven't gotten over this woman.

 

I'm stuck with this house, these responsibilities, limited money, and limited time.

 

I'm not really asking for any advice here as I realize time will heal all wounds, I'll move on eventually, and sometimes it takes something like this to discover who you really are.. just needed to vent...

[T-Bone]

i was in the same situation as you last year, i told my old man after it happened, his advice " well, at least now you can twice as far for half as much".. yeah that helps, time does help, but to put things into perspective i made a list of pros and cons, being realistic, i came to the conclusion that everythign really would be ok. hang in bro!

[searching1951]

I will never understand how someone can leave a 5 yr relationship that obviously had a lot of good stuff going for it, and not feel enormous remorse and pain. It's always so lopsided how people react after breakups. My wife left me after 17 years for a complete jerk, but she never batted an eyelash and married him 11 months after our divorce was finalized, as I went thru 8 years of hell, that will probably shorten my own life. Then I finally met a woman whom I truly wanted to remarry with, and truly enjoyed..and got dumped by her 10 weeks ago and she announced remarriage plans with her former guy 2 weeks after the break-up. I am in just as much pain over that 4 year long gf breakup as I was over the 17 year, two kids, marriage....well today I am, but I dodn't think this pain will last so long...it can't...I just won't let it. You don't start the recovery process til you are NC. Then you have to get to the point where you absolutely don't expect to hear from them, not in your head, but in you heart.