Boyfriend problem

[stary]

Hey everyone. i have a boyfriend problem as im sure everyone else does to. my boyfriend says that i get mad for stupid reasons and he feels that i like to start agruements for no reason. i have to admit i some times have my days were im moody, but is there really stupid disscussion? i thought that a relationship was based on communication? its come to the point where i dont want to voice my opinion just because i dont want to cause distress for us both. then he just complains that im being difficult. gees what does he want? anytime we get into an argument, he wants out. he doesnt like to argure, but i thought arging sometimes is good for a relationship? what does everyone else think. should i just move on?

[Babes]

if the relationship dosent make you happy then its not worth staying in it. It kinda sounds like he wants out if every time you fight he says he wants to break up. The 2 men I have truly loved we hardly ever argued. We respected each others opinions we only faught a few times over big issues never anything small.

 

I think its time to move on

[itsmeo_o]

Well, let's face it, sometimes women can be quite a yackety-yak. I've got a mom who talks 24/7 non-stop. Not only is it driving my dad crazy, but my sister and me as well.

Guys dun like no yackety-yak.

If u luv this guy, try to say things that he wants to hear (sometimes you have to sacrafice a little for love).

If u dun, then say, "Screw u. im going home."

[stary]

thanks guys for the replys. the thing is why should i feel i have to keep queit just because i dont want to argue with him. i know there are times when he is wrong, but there are times when im wrong to. the only difference is that he never wants to admit that hes wrong. he says im attacting him my trying to make him understand hes wrong. he thinks all i do is point out his flaws. do you all think hes just being difficult? i thought a relationship was about communication and some times you have to argue to get things resolved, but when we argue he just tells me to go home or he doesnt want to disscuss it. so whats the problem is he living in a fantasy world thinking that we should never have arguments?

[musicchicus]

Try reading a book called Men Made Easy - very interesting, very entertaining and an entire chapter about talking to men!

 

Give it a shot!

[stary]

lol thanks

[EmptySoul]

ok it depends on how u look at this... if you are in a relationship and try to avoid arguments at all costs that is not a good sign. (that what it sounds like HE's doing) if you dont feel like hes opening up and telling you what hes feeling, maybe ask "what EXACTLY do you want from me?"" or "what are you thinking?" or just tell him how you feel about all of this. if all you do is argue...well, just remember, if a relationship is ALL work and like no fun, then its not worth it.

[stary]

empty soul you sound like you know what your talking about. my question to you is what do you do if your boyfriend keeps telling you that you get mad for stupid reason. id have to admit that hurts me just a little. hes saying what i have to say isnt important. he never wants to clear things up, hed rather say this isnt going anywhere and say let drop it. how can you drop it if your not done sorting out your thoughts? i tell him that it bothers me that hes so quick to end converstions that HE doesnt want to talk about and that hes being selfish. am i right or am i going about things the wrong way?

[EmptySoul]

stary it sounds like you are with a very difficult person. i think you are going about things the right way, as long as you are being honest. my opinion at this moment is that if you don't love this guy or aren't pretty close to it, and things dont get better, you should end it.

[joism]

I personally think your bf wants to jump ship everytime there is an argument because he doesn't want the drama. He doesn't know how to handle a valid/invalid argument or being wrong, so he runs away from it to take the easy way out. If you two really loved each other, you really need to sit down and talk to each other in a mature way. You shouldn't have to bottle in your feelings for the sake of him or the relationship. You are entitled to express how you feel and he needs to acknowledge that. If he doesn't even want to try then forget it. Move on.

[virgo25]

hey stary!

i was reading over your comments and i was shaking my head in total disbelief..the guy that youre describing sounds *exactly* like my ex-bf..esp with it comes to communicating about our issues (which he would always say are my issues and not his!) my advice is to sit down, tell him you guys need to work on your communication, give him a chance. If he outright refuses to work on your issues (whether its seeing a couples counsellor or just talking about it with you) then I think its a very healthy decision to reconsider your relationship. I dated my ex for 2 years, we broke up once (one of the major issues being his inability to communicate or willingness to even try) and then got back together..things kinda improved but we had a big fight and when i asked him if he was willing to work on our communication problems (among other issues) he said no to my face but said he didn't want to break up-I ended it since I knew it was the best thing to do in my case. Take some time to realize what is happening, you deserve to be with somebody who will take the time, effort and is sensitive enough to realize that communication for both parties is necessary to have a successful relationship. If you feel, like I did, that you have tried every type of possible way to communicate and make your issues better and it is still not working out, then I think it is time for you to consider the alternatives. You need to put yourself first..take it from somebody who has been in your shoes..

[Northalius]

I don't think arguing is healthy, but discussing can be healthy. Arguing is just venting anger on the person you're trying to get your point accross to; it's letting emotions somewhat overtake you. This is not good most of the time, imo.

 

I remember when a discussion got too heated, that I had to end it right there, and told the person I'd email them my response in full detail of what I meant; I asked that the person send me their side of the story in return.

 

Emailing helped immensely, since I had no one yelling in my face; my mind could think much more clearly, giving me time to tell my side of the story in full detail, not just partial. I like listening to music when thinking about issues; classical music (at least for me, personally) is awesome when trying to think!

 

Angry emotions can sometimes become a barrier against clear-headed, logical responses; when you're angry and yelling, it's not good grounds to actually let logic settle in.

 

So, if anything, maybe attempt to ask if it'd be okay that you both write letters to each other, or email each other.

 

But, communication is needed both ways! Or you just might have to consider breaking it off for a while. It'll give you and your partner time to re-think what happened, see the possible consequences involved when you both do not have healthy communication between the two of you. Who knows, maybe he'll come back and realize what he was doing was wrong and not healthy, it just took somewhat drastic measures (aka separation) to make him finally see the light! But, who knows, until you try it out.