am i just being stupid to believe him...

[fes246]

Hi could really do with some advuce here. Been with my bf about 2 years now and we have been traveling for 4 months. A few weeks ago we decided to have a break. there was a girl at our hostel my bf got on really well with and she went to stay at a hostel with him while i was elsewhere. i eventually came back and he hadn't said he had a girlfriend and was being off in front of other people which made me think he had been with her. i found some messages on his which were saying miss you, and one from by bf saying he wanted some (girls name) lovin' he said this was all a joke. i later discovered that all my messages some that he had saved from the start of our relationship had been deleted from his phone and he had saved loads of messages from her into a folder...i din't read them but i want to!!!

 

i dont want to break up with him at all and we had a long distance for ages, i really dont think he cheated then but i dont know if i'm being stupid to carry on. the other girl is now in a different country, when we go he wants to go visit her. does it sound like he is using me for now and will drop me when we get there?? we are best friends but i cant talk to him about this he gets all defensive....please help me!!!!

[DN]

A few weeks ago we decided to have a break.

what was specifically agreed between you about seeing other people while on the break?

[fes246]

we made it very clear that we would stay faithful...

[AwdreeHpburn]

what???

 

I don't think you're stupid by any means. But I do understand why you doubt. I do too. You have a bunch of clear signs that something not right is going on.

 

I have no idea if he is "using" you or not, but there is something very definetly amiss....

 

I wouldn't (and don't) trust it.

 

If he is a best, or even good, friend of yours, there is no reason for you to not talk about this with him. He's defensiveness COULD be a sign of something.

 

TALK TO HIM, one way to get past the defensiveness is to use "I" statements.

 

"I" feel this when this happens

"I" feel like this when I see this... etc.

 

Its worth a try at the very least.

[tylercdurden2004]

Um having done the backpacking thing myself I have seen countless relationships end when a couple goes travelling. Maybe its the ultimate test in compatibility, who knows. I think you should have serious suspicions about his behaviour in fact I would say something did or is happening between them.

[fes246]

would you guys go through his phone, I feel like I need to be sure before I do anything!

[Hope75]

Hi and welcome to enotalone.

 

His behaviour is definitely suspicious, but what were the terms of your "break"?

 

Who's idea was it and why did the break come about?

 

Where were you when you suspect this cheating may have occurred?

[MacTech]

would you guys go through his phone, I feel like I need to be sure before I do anything!

 

While you might find the answer to all of your questions, NO, do not go through his phone.

 

His actions alone give you all the proof you already need to answer the question of fidelity.

[eleanorrigby1]

My opinion: You already know what is going on. You are just afraid because you love him and you dont want to be without him.

 

I am afraid you are going to have to be brave and face up to what you know. He has deleted all of your messages. He has saved hers to a folder.

 

I have a folder on my phone and it contained all my boyfriend's messages, only the really sweet ones. I would only delete them if we broke up.

 

Why do you want/need to go through his phone? more evidence?

[canobussqween]

yeah i felt the same way also with sumone that im.. i suppose, with. we had issues also and have been together for 2.5, so we decided to take a "break" and for the month that we where away fr eachother, it wasnt even like a couple blocks away type thing, i was an hour away. even when he left, he made it ovious that he wanted to hang out with this girl, in which he did on numerous occasions. and when he cameback i had asked him if he had done ne thing with her and he smirks and tells me that he has never decived me. so i got the impression that he was doing things he wasnt suppose to do.

 

i think u should have a seat and talk to him about it and explain to him exactly how u feel. if he gets all indinial and refuses to tell u what happen or how he feels even though u have found proof against him, that is totally ridiculas. he is playing games on u. with my issue, i dont have that much evidence to prove against him, so if i tryied to imply things that were true or wernt true id be concidered contridicting him and fr then he could call me dillusinal and deranged. with ur issue, you have proof. proof is everything u need.