Need some advice

[bmagoo]

Hi. I am new here and I'm hoping to get some advice from some of you. I have been seeing a guy for five months. He was in town working and will be leaving to move back to his home state at the end of May. We have been seeing each other at least once a week and are lovers. I have started to fall for him. I know he likes me but not sure if he feels more than that or if he even thinks he could. I know he has had some bad experiences with relationships in the past and is probably a little cynical about them. I am sad about his leaving but know he has to. I have told him I miss him and that I had started falling for him. He has told me we will keep in touch and that he will come see me and vice versa. I would just like a little more time to see how/if this relationship develops. I have told him that I really would like to have him in my life after he leaves and for us to see each other when we can so basically, he knows how I feel so I definitely won't keep bringing it up. I guess I am a little insecure because I don't know how he really feels and I don't feel totally comfortable asking. I feel like I should just wait and see how things go after he leaves. I don't want to put too much pressure on him when I may be the only one feeling this way. In other words, I don't want to scare him away so that he doesn't stay in contact. We have never talked about being monogamous or anything or totally committed to each other because I feel it is too soon in the relationship to do that with someone who is as cautious as he is. What is your opinion on all of this? Am I hoping for something that isn't going to happen or is there a possibility this relationship can keep developing and progressing long distance? Thanks and sorry this was so long!

[Lita43]

Oh Hon!,

Been there done that years ago and I wouldn't expect any calls or a ld relationship out of it and usually doesn't work.

If you put your heart and feelings out on your sleeve and didn't hear any of the words that you wished to hear, then it was just "booty calls."

Some guy's are just pure dog's!!!

I used to see this one guy that was soooooooo cute and all "Get Out" awesome, but only came into town about 2 or 3 times a year for construction work.

He was really fun to be with and very attractive, but I was his call me once in awhile make me feel like a prostitue "girl!"

Even though I alway's gave in and saw him, I knew it would never be anything more than that and went on for a couple 2-3 years.

He even met my parents and they liked him a whole lot and was so down to earth, wild and crazy and fun.

As much as it stinks, there are some things that just aren't meant to be and still when I think about him, it makes me smile as he was a fun person to be with!!!

Some people touch our lives and leave little footprints in our hearts forever!

Don't think this is your destiny hon, so move it along and will find your true soulmate someday.

Mine wasn't till I turned 28 and was on my birthday. I have never had a sweeter present than that!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Going on 15 years and he's still "My Religious Experience!!!" Hehe!!! Rock On and Forward as the Best Is Yet To Come!!!

 

Sincerely, Lita~

 

God Grant Me The Serenity To Accept The People I Cannot Change, The Courage To Change The One I Can and The Wisdom To Know It's Me!

 

Quote: "A Day You Don't Learn Anything New Is A Day Wasted!" Lita~

[luxe_13]

I think everyone's experience is different. I am in a similar situation myself. Just wait it out and see what happens once he's gone - see if he does email, visit etc. You've been honest and told him how you feel so the ball is now in his court.

[moink75]

The only person that can answer that is your guy. Talk to him. Don't be afraid. Would you feel better knowing how he feels or do you want to continue to drive yourself crazy with questions and what ifs. Ask, at least then you will know.

[bmagoo]

Thanks for your advice. I have about decided that is what I am going to have to do. I guess I want to hear that the relationship can keep progressing but only time will tell. I would love to hear about your situation.

[bmagoo]

I think it is hard just because it seemed as if the relationship was headed to something a little more serious and all of a sudden, after a weekend visit to Florida, he is moving back. Actually, he is moving back because his daughter is about to go to college and he has a lot to do with her (he is divorced). It is not to the point where I think I want to marry him or something. It is just that I feel there is something there and I would really regret if I failed to pursue it and to continue having him in my life.

[bmagoo]

Hi. Spent the night over at his apt. last night and we talked. He says he is coming to visit me and would like for me to come visit him. He definitely wants to stay in contact. I ask him why and he says because he really likes me as a person, thinks I am funny and enjoys having sex with me. He is even keeping his local number and having it forwarded to his cell phone so it is easier for us to stay in contact. HOWEVER, he refuses to use the word relationship. I asked him directly "so isn't that a relationship - how do you see this?" and he says "I enjoy your company and enjoy having sex with you what is wrong with that?" Then, he left the room for a minute (work phone call he had to take) and he came back in and kissed me on the forehead. He even said if it makes me feel more comfortable and more like he is not just using me for sex then we can just be friends for the rest of the time he is here. So, still a little confused but isn't this a good sign???

[novaseeker]

Eh ... it sounds to me like he is more interested in a "friends with benefits" situation than anything that implies any emotional connection at all, hence his discomfort with the word "relationship". I hate to say it, but if he were really into you and emotionally available, he would never say that. He wants you as a sex buddy, and not as a romantic partner, and he's being pretty up-front about that it seems to me. Because you are interested in more than he is, you are kind of lining yourself up for more intense pain if you continue this relationship, I fear.

[bmagoo]

This is pretty much what I thought. I suppose I am just wondering if there is any chance it could develop into more than that if I keep in touch, etc. Sometimes it seems there is something more there. I do know he has had several very bad relationships - divorced because he caught his ex wife cheating on him and was with a girl for ten years whom he loved and she slept around on him all the time also. I once dated a guy for five years who was extremely similar - very emotionally unavailable and told me he wasn't in love with me, etc. During the last year, he did end up falling in love with me but by then it was too late for me.

[novaseeker]

It's possible, of course, but the question for you is how much risk do you want to take? In other words, it's possible that it could develop into more than an "erotic friendship" (although that seems rare-ish for things to develop that way from this kind of start), but are you willing to continue to be involved and be emotionally vulnerable in a situation where it's probably more likely all it will ever be is a friends-with-benefits situation? It's up to you as to how much risk you want to run in this, and how long you want to deal with things not being reciprocal between the two of you.

[bmagoo]

Thanks for your input. I think there is definitely more there than just sex. I met him in January and we had instant chemistry. We slept with each other very soon afterwards which I never do and probably made a mistake doing then. About a month later I dumped him. We still did things together like movies, etc. but nothing more. Then we got back together in a sexual way. He said it was good we did that since we became friends instead of just sex buddies. I think I mentioned he has had some pretty bad relationships and I was wondering if that might make him a bit more hesitant. We are already planning to see each other again when he goes back to Florida. It is a six hour drive and I mentioned that was a long way to come to see someone that he is just sexually involved with. He didn't seem to like that comment much. He is also keeping his local phone number and having it forward to his cell phone to make it easier for us to keep in touch. This is all very confusing to me. I see where the friends with benefits thing is accurate but all of this other stuff seems to hint there may be more. Of course, I'm not sure or I wouldn't be asking.