Did I do what's right??? Please help.

[tulip]

Hello,

 

I'm writing here because I seek your advice and support.

 

THis guy that I 've dated for 1.5 years who is now my friend but we are always together in hopes of repairing the trust issues we had while dating so that we can be a couple again.

 

Last weekend though, he created a huge lie...a big story about how his mom fell and had to be rushed to the hospital and he needed to cancel going to the party we were going to, to be with her at the hospital.

 

When I call for an update while he's supposidly at the hospital, he says he thinks she'll be fine but they are waiting to be seen. He says he will probably stay at her "house tonight since they won't proably leave til late from the ER. "I'd like to talk to her" I say. (his mom loves me and he's always putting me on the phone with her). She'd like that I'm sure...

 

And then the phone goes dead.

 

I call him back....no answer.

I call and text telling him to get in touch w/ me.

 

Nothing.

 

I grow suspicious 2 hours later and still nothing.

I call the hospital.

No one was checked in by that name.

I don't want to believe where my mind is going at this point.

I decide to get in my car at 11:30PM in a severe storm and find this hospital which is about an hour away in a place I'm not familiar with.

 

I pray: Please just let the truth be known to me.

 

I hoped I would see his car in the Hospital lot. I didn't. I went inside. Still, no records indicate they were ever there.

 

Now having not heard from him and knowing this story is a lie, something is up.

I drove to a "friends" house of his with whom he's known for 5 years but he claims there is no attraction or desire to be with her in any way more than just friends.

Sure enough, 1:30 AM and his car is sitting outside.

I'm crushed.

ALL this talk about being totally honest and forthcoming with me.

All the times he tells me he loves me and wants to spend his life with me.

All the effort and work he's been putting into prooving he's worthy of being my boyfriend.

 

I go home.

I don't know what to do.

He has IGNORED me all night. Never called me back after getting cut off.

Nothing.

 

I decide to set my alarm (not like I could sleep) for 6AM and go back.

WOuld he really spend the night there? Gosh, I hope not.

 

6:30 AM, I'm there and so is his car.

I thought about leaving him a note on his car.

But I needed him to confess to me.

How far would he let this lie go or would he come out with the truth?

 

I take a pic with my phone of his car at her place because there have been so many times he denys things that I know I saw (why we had trust issues). SO for my own peace of mind, I took that picture as well as sat waiting to see his body leave her place which happened to be at 9AM.

 

I was so hurt. so angry. felt so BETRAYED.

 

I called him at 9:05. nothing.

 

SO I went home, showered, dressed and at 11:00 went to his place.

He was sleeping.

"How's your mom?" I ask

"She's doing fine"

"How long did you end up having to be at the hospital?"

"until about 11:30."

When did you get home?

"about 1AM".

"So you didn't go to that party at all?"

"No, I was exhausted" he claimed

"Didn't hang out with any friends? ( I named a couple including the girl's house he was at...I'll call her Raye")

"No, C'mon now..... don't start with these questions"

"I want to take your mom some ice cream today" I suggested in hopes of getting a reaction or someting.

"Ok" he said.

I'm can't believe he's continuing this lie!

ANd now he's going to actually let me see his mother?

Then I say, "And I'd also like to see Raye and Rebecca since they are two of your close frineds and you always say that you are talking about me to them...it would make me feel more comfortable and put me at ease and settle their curiosity about me".

"OK" he says.

He jumps in the shower.

I pick up his phone to see if he looked at my txt messages.

all but two.

i then see text msgs from RAYE. not from that night but days ago.

one says, "it was good c'ng u and b'ng next 2 u".

My heart drops.....I'm wondering when this was what it means exactly by "next 2 u".

 

he comes out. I ask him about the txt.

he says he hugged her and held her reassuring her about a problem mat her job...that's all.

"when was the last time you saw her?"

"about 2 months ago"

I'm in awe of this.

 

We go to her place.

He's upset becuase I won't give him his phone to call her first.

I was hoping he'd confess seeing that I was heading there seriously.

We go to her place. She is uncomforable, didn't expect he'd bring me there.

It's weird.

I watch how he acts and he acts like nothing is wrong.

 

We leave and I say, "I know you were there last night".

"No I wasn't"

I saw your car pull off at 9:00 this morning from this spot. You had on black shirt and black pants".

"Wasn't my car you saw"

"I have a picture of it on my phone...why can't you just be honest, I caught you in a lie and to lie about your mother being rushed to the hospital is stooping so low!"

 

I won't get into details of our conversation but he said he asked me to the party. i said i was working late and didn't want to drive that far. he then called her and asked her. she said ok. then i called back telling him I changed my my mind that I did want to go.... and he didn't know what to do. he said he always puts me first and she gets tired of it so he couldn't back out on her. he didn't know how to handle it so he created that lie.

she was tired and he was too so they decided to just hang out at her place and not go to the party. he was on his way over to her place and called to ask her if she wanted him to bring a bottle of (her favorite red wine). i was like, "that's romantic and how do you know her fav red wine" he says because they have been friends for five years....sounds like he put too much effort into making her happy and too much into telling me lies.

 

i felt so betrayed.

i still do.

he said if i'd just take him back he wouldn't even be hanging around with Raye. He would stop hanging out with all his female friends.

And he went on to say he never knew until now that I even really cared for him.

 

Right now, most of me finds him disgusting.

Too try and take me as a fool.

To create DRASTIC stories of his wounded mother crying and calling 911....

TO deny that it was him pulling away from Raye's apt that morning.

 

I'm trying to be strong.

He's so smooth.... I've realsized he's got a criminal mind, no conscious and is so calm and believable. If I hadn't gone to the hospital or waited to see him come out and pull away from Raye's apt the next morning, he may have convinced me that I was crazy. That's why, as scary as it is, I asked to be shown the truth.

 

It's only been a few days and i'm going through emotions.

Anger, sadness, i miss him, i hate him....i feel depressed.

 

He called asking me to call him back.

I txted this back to him:

2 days ago i wanted u to call me back.

U IGNORED me while you sat up in another woman's apt.

And now U want me 2 call U?

U IGNORED me but U offered to buy Ray her fav bottle of wine.

U IGNORED me but stayed ALL night with her.

U IGNORED me but saved her text msg of how nice it is b'ng next 2 U.

U IGNORED me while U chose to B next 2 her again.

But now.....NOW ur ready for me, huh?

 

He texts back:

Can't argue w/U on that. I don't deserve anything from you.

(that's the first time he didn't deny or argue w/me).

 

I wrote that txt out of pain.

Then I worried later that night, that as good as he lied to me, he might show Raye that msg and make me out to be a jealous crazy woman and never bring up his lies about his mother that led me there.

 

I sent one last msg. last night. Not that he's going to show her but for my peace of mind and to turn things off of Raye and onto the real issue, his deceitfulness.

 

I text msg'ed:

Please give my apologies to Raye.

I never thought we'd ACTUALLY end up in her apt.

I trusted U enough 2 tell me the truth B4 it got to that point.

I never dreamed we'd have to bother her on a Sunday morning.

That's why I didn't want you to call her.

Maybe this will give U something to think about.

In any case, I am very sorry to have dropped in on Raye. Please let her know.

Thank U.

 

I haven't gotten a repsonse at all.

Not sure I should expect one.

But it bothers me to think he might be trying to save face with her now.

 

I'm trying to stay strong.

Please share your thoughts and advise.

It is much appreciated.

 

Tulip

[AwdreeHpburn]

Tulip - Welcome to ENA - glad you posted.

 

i read your post and I'm sorry that happened.

 

I do think you did the right thing. Sounds like he's a cake lover.

 

In support of you and the love of brutal honesty, I would get away from this guy. I know easier said than done, but if you were my sister or if I were you, I would take those as signs of a cheater.

 

He's dishonest, he's elaborate, dramatic and as you so poignantly said, a criminal master mind.

 

I hope you can stay strong and away from this guy.

 

I could feel each time your heart sank - I remember that feeling and you described it well. Hold on to that feeling. It'll help you remember how he makes you feel.

[neolithic]

oh, that makes me sick. he is being deceitful and that is absolutely uncalled for. the lie about his mother is the kicker, really. you need nothing to do with this guy. you're getting to the point where you're doing crazy things (driving to his house, driving an hour in the rain to a hospital, etc) to find out he's lying.. and you'll feel ashamed about them later. because you don't deserve this.

 

you definitely did the right thing. if he were upfront with you about it, it would be one thing.. but he is lying every which way. saying he has no attraction to her, lying about his mother's health!!!, not answering the phone, lying about where he was, it's just too much. be glad you are out of there. don't look back, don't let him come crawling back, either. there is no point in being with someone, or even trying to regain trust with them, when they keep screwing it up.

 

i know it will hurt but just focus on yourself right now. and be glad you are through with all the trouble and lies he has caused.

[AwdreeHpburn]

hear hear!

[tylercdurden2004]

What a d**** bag. Good thing you finally fuond out what a creep show this guy is. On a positive note I think you found your calling if that is ever a question for you : PRIVATE INvESTIGATOR yup just like Magnum. I'd hire you.