my letter to her...

[Dogg]

Well, I have been doign alot of thinking lately and I decided that I am goign to take a different approach to things because what I have been doign (nothing) has not been working and lately I have been in very minimal email contact with her (very light and not many words at all) Anyway, I am sending her this letter because she sent me a myspace message last night that got me a little messed up, basically saying that she enjoys hearing from me but that she does not want to accept me as a friend because she does not want me to put anything on her page!!! whatever, this is what I just sent to her...in a voicemail by the way which will be the very first time that she has heard my voice in 6 months...no I didn't call, I just sent the voicemail cause I know that she is at work...

 

Hey. I rad your message to me on myspace and I was a bit taken back by it because I think that you completely misunderstand me and my intentions here...

I miss you xxxx, not just the relationship ( the good parts anyway) but you as a person! I miss your smile, your laugh, the way that you can light up a room, all that stuff that made me fall in love with you to begin with! I am looking for nothing more than to simply get to know you again, I have not been without you in my life even as a friend for soo long and all I'm looking to do is to reconnnect with you in some way. For you not to even accept me as a friend on stupid myspace really hurts me. who do you think that I am? do you think that I'm that bad? I would never ever want to hurt you or embarrass you again. granted things went south towards the end of our relationship for one reason or another, and I can admit now that it was mostly because of me and things that I did, but I am a changed man, I've worked really hard at making myself better in many ways in hopes that maybe one day, you will accept me back into your life in some way. I guess that it is up to you what you want to do and what you feel is right. Just know xxxxx, that I have never stopped thinking about you and I have never stopped loving you and that whatever happens now, just knowing you has made me a better person, and losing you made me want to be a better man! please take this for what it is and realize that all I am asking is for your friendship, I think that I deserve at least that...

 

hate it or love it its from the heart and I sent it already. Yes I am hurting, yes I want her back. I have left it alone more or less for about 6 months, I feel that it is time to let her know how I feel and that I still really care for her and want her in my life....Maybe this was stupid, maybe not, but I did what IU felt that I needed to do and there is no turning back now...

[annie24]

no man, don't send it!

 

she just dissed you but saying she didn't want to add you as a myspace friend!!! MAJORLY DISSED YOU!!!!

 

What you do now is delete all of her e-mails, block her, and never talk to her again. She is sending you a message, loud and clear. She doesn't want to be with you anymore.

[annie24]

Oh, you already sent it. *sigh*

[karchino]

No, you shouldnot have send it but you did it, no turning back. Do you really want to be friends with her or is that "just an excuse" to stay in her life? Do you still have some kind of hope you will end up together again? Because you will just end up getting hurt. Is that something you want? Someone on this site told that I should not think about the feelings but about the facts. The fact is the relationship between you two is over. I know it is hard but try to start working on accepting that.

[Dogg]

oh sh*t, annie, I didn't think of it that way at all. I just don't get why she hates me or seems to hate me so much and how it is so easy for her to never want to see or speak to me anymore....

[annie24]

the thing is - by saying she doesn't want you posting on her main page, she thinks that you're a bit mentally unstable, and she's afraid that you're going to post some long love poem, or maybe something angry on her front page and it may be days until she catches it. You've sent her lovely e-mails in the past, and also some angry ones too.

 

Yeah, she is majorly dissing you. I have a myspace account. I, like others, will sometimes add people as friends that I barely know, or even don't know at all!!!! But, if she won't add you, she's saying she'd rather be online friends with a stranger or a near stranger, than with you.

 

forget her. You've tried to win her back, it hasn't worked. It is time to let go.

 

cut off all contact with her, delete all e-mails, etc....

[BackOnTrack]

Dogg,

 

I've been away for awhile. I even got myself a new username because I am moving on and I am myself once again...

 

Why do you want someone who doesn't want you? You have poured out your heart to her so many times and she rejects you. She has made it clear that she doesn't want you in her life. What you are doing now is forcing yourself on her. Do you really think with that pressure she is going to want to be your friend? As romantic as your letters and words may feel to you, they are only pushing her away. Unless she is open and receptive to you, your words are not cherished or appreciated by her. You are no longer in a loving relationship with her...

 

I understand so well what you are feeling. I felt the same way and did the same things. My ex confused me for 6 agonizing months. Going back and forth. Many people here gave me good advice. However, I wanted to believe that my situation was the "unique" case. That if I proved to her I loved her, I could possibly win her back. Guess what? It didn't work.

 

I come back every so often and read these posts. There was a time when I would agonize over everything I read hoping I would find a situation like mine where the ex came back... Anything to give me hope. I can't say that I have seen one yet that worked out.

 

I do remember reading those posts where someone would title it, "NC WORKED!" or something similar. I would get so excited and was so disappointed that inside that box of CrackerJacks, there was NO success story of reconciliation. Instead there was a story of how one got him or herself back after doing NC and how they feel so much better now... Pfft! is exactly would I would think. It wasn't what I wanted to hear.

 

Well, 9 months later and all I can say is Wow! Time really does change things. I still miss my ex and my love for her has not gone away. However, I no longer am waiting or hoping for her to come back. I have accepted that we have separate lives now and I have given up on all the hopes I have had of having her in my future. That was probably one of the hardest things to do because I had always planned it with her in it.

 

I know what you are feeling... But really, you have to let it go and accept her as being out of your life. Give her what she wants and has asked for. She has given you a gift... She has set you free by telling you this. When I heard those words from my ex 6 months after being dragged through the mud, is when I let go.

 

You have tried long enough. You can still love her without being in her life. Let go and try to move on now... You don't need her in your life anymore.

 

MS

[keefy1972]

Wow...are you kidding me? Dogg...dude, we all have watched you agonize over this girl for so long, and when we don't see you post for a while we think that maybe you've made real progress. Then the next time we hear from you, you're telling tales of how you did something stupid like this. Sorry to be so blunt, but after she basically shot you down in a big way, you call her and BEG and GROVEL! Man, come on, get a grip here. People have tried so hard to help you and all you do is ignore the advice and get mad because it isn't what you want to hear.

 

No wonder she don't want to be with you. You're an extremely selfish person. She isn't giving you what YOU want and you get angry and desperate. We here don't tell you what YOU WANT TO HEAR and you get angry and defensive, not to mention, that you NEVER offer advice to anyone else because you're too selfish and consumed with your own issues. Maybe you need to practice being more of a giver. Look to see what you can contribute in some way that is not for personal gain. That would probably get you headed in the right direction.

[Lady Bugg]

Yikes Keefy.......

 

Sorry Dogg I am in agreement with Keefy here.

[Lady Bugg]

Dogg..I don't think your ex 'hates' you..I just think she's over you. You need to respect that. Annie made a valid point. Your ex specifically TOLD you she didn't want you posting on her page. She said this for a reason...and only she knows why...but truthfully, I would have been VERY offended if someone told me that. She's moved on..and so should you.

 

PS: I hope your next post is a more positive one

[keefy1972]

Awww, lady bugg...thats a good pawpy! Yesh dogg, be more positive, you learned a lot from this experience, take that as a positive and run with it.

[LostInTranslation]

Dogg,

 

By all means, please do what's best for you and completely remove this woman from your heart and life. I distinctly remember your story because we began our healing processes at the same time. I have not looked back and as much as it still hurts, I would be far worse had I kept pursuing.

 

She has not been receptive to you at all in any way. You obviously have so much to offer and you are wasting your efforts on her. You need to recover and there is no way you can begin to move on if you keep in contact with her.

 

I know it's hard, I know you're hurt, but forget her. You WILL find someone else ... just believe in yourself that you are more worthy to someone else who will reciprocate what you have to offer.

 

Take care.

[keefy1972]

I agree with LIT here dogg, you ARE worthy of someone who will happily offer you what you give tenfold. You are a great guy and need to know that this is true. She may be a great girl, but she just isn't meant for you, sometimes that's the way it is. She is a chapter in your life that you need to turn the page on. Start a new chapter, one that leads to you getting what you want, need, and deserve. She isn't willing to give that to you. It is her loss.

[Dogg]

I would love to heal myself, believe me I would but it just doesn't seem to work! I have tried other girls, I have tried the gym, I HAVE done numerous things to better myself including taking the time to read things about relationships, talk to people with degrees about how I'm feeling and why I did the things I did when I was with this girl, I am a completely different person now from the man that i was when the relationship ended, but my thoughts and my heart are still with her. Even when I was witht he other girls and it was going well, I still yearned for her as pathetic as that may sound. I realized that all I was trying to do was replace her and she is irreplaceable! I feel like a loser more than you all would ever know, my life is more or less in complete shambles, and its not just because of her either. I yearn to have her to talk to again, to hold again, to listen to again, but you are all right, it seems like she just doesn't want me anymore and hasn't for some time now. for her to reject me on myspace makes me feel lower than dirt and I simply do not understand it, I don't understand why she is acting the way that she is. I miss our friendship just as much as I miss the relationship. we were friends first, really close friends. I just don't know anymore, I feel that nothing that I can do will rid my thoughts of her and help to heal my broken heart. never in my life have I felt this way before about anyone or anything. I would give anything and everything for a second chance to make things right to make things work. I just don't know anymore what to do......you won't be hearing from me for a while for I fear that I am angering people who are trying to help and that is not at all what I want to do...thanbks for all the kind words and the good advice whether I took it or not....

[Lady Bugg]

Dogg....You have not angered me at all. I feel your pain.

It is ALWAYS easier to give advice than to take it. We are not in your shoes.

 

I think you have been placing yourself in harms way in trying to ressurrect this relationship. Your ex has made it crystal clear she is no longer interested in getting back together. She is being kind by being honest with you. THAT is

why it's frustrating trying to advise you..NOT because I can't relate you your pain. Rejection SUCKS....but if you are not going back for it over and over..then it is not as hard.

[keefy1972]

Dogg, don't abandon the support, we will not abandon you. We just want you to be happy and grow frustrated knowing that she isn't willing to play a part in that. I know how hard it is to accept that someone doesn't love you. I know the feeling firsthand. Most of us here do. I understand your heart is with her and a piece of it will always belong to her. You just have to understand that she just don't feel the same way. It doesnt make you a bad person, it's just the way it is.

 

You are not a loser. You're a special person that has a lot to offer someone. She just isn't buying what you're selling. Ultimately it will be for the best because you weren't meant to be. I'm sure she can sense that you love her and she doesn't want to continue hurting you by playing this charade of friendship knowing you feel the way you do. You have to see it as her doing you a favor. It hurts like hell now, but in the end, it will have been the nicest thing she has ever done for you. Don't lose heart buddy. It gets better I promise.

[moondog627]

Dude, if you would've listened to what people on here had to say from day one you could've been at the same stage that I'm at now. You're so consumed and self-absorbed in this issue that you are failing to find happiness in your life again. Nobody, let alone your ex, is gonna be attracted to you in this state. Just because your ex doesn't wanna talk to you anymore doesn't mean she hates you. Your paths in life have simply moved apart. Problem is you can't seem to move forward on your own path.

 

She probably doesn't want you added as friend so she doesn't have some unstable ex posting on her page and possibly irritating other guys she's most likely dating. Dogg, my breakup was easily the hardest thing I've had to deal with in life so far. But it has also been one of the greatest gifts. By no longer focusing on my ex, I not only rediscovered who I am but also found a greater sense of happiness never present before. I've learned how to be a more caring person and how to be happy on my own, without the help of others.

 

Best of all, I've been dating someone very special that I have an amazing connection with. And none of this would have been possible if I didn't let go. Looking back I no longer have the same outlook on my past relationship. I can now see the flaws that were hidden in my grief. I can see where I went wrong, where she went wrong, where maybe we simply weren't meant to be together. And with this new person I'm dating, I no longer have that fear of losing someone that tortured my mind in my last relationship. The fear is gone because I've learned to be happy on my own and learned that even if things fall apart with someone I'll still be me tomorrow. And over time I'll find someone again who'll be compatible with me.

 

Dogg, you need to understand that these moves you're making toward your ex are AWFUL. They aren't helping you out one bit and are definitely only pushing her away more. I urge you to leave her be so you AND her can find happiness on your own. You should also stop posting in the getting back together forum and seriously consider moving into the healing section.

[Lady Bugg]

Moondog is right. Moving to the Healing section is the first step to letting go and accepting the relationship is over for good. It is a small move in the right direction but at LEAST it's movement.

 

I think once you admit to yourself that it is over....and accept that, you automatically open the door for other wonderful opportunities.

[Dogg]

If I was healing, I would but it seems to me that everything that i rty to do to heal just eventually leads me back to my ultimate desire to be with her, even the thing about dating other girls just made me realize that they did not compare to nor did they make me as happy as she did. I have tried, I truly and honestly have but I just can't seem to shake my love and desire to get her back. I really may be lower now than I was when the breakup originally happened because I see that it is truly and honestly over and that she really doesn't love or want me anymore and I feel liek the biggest worthless piece of dogg Sh*T on this planet. I almost feel llike I am falling harder and harder everyday and that there is nothing that I can do to stop it. I miss her sooo much and I can't help but to ask myself what might have been had I done things differently in so many instances. I am just completely concumed with this overwhelming fear that I will forever be asking myself "what might have been" and it scares me to death that this may have just been the one for me and that anything else that I find will just be me settling for something or someone for that matter and I don't want that! I feel as though my days drag on and on forever but the months fly by and I am losing what are supposed to be the best times/years of my life and sinking deeper and deeper into this miserable hole while i watch my friends make moves and do things that they are happy with and get married and have kids and I am completely stagnant and lonely and alone....BROKEN....I really can't do this anymore

[onayrb]

Yep, you sound like you've got it bad there.

Believe me. It gets better. It really does. I've been in your position twice. Trust me, I have.

Cut all contact with her. Get your a** into the healing section. Write a new thread and ask for advice on moving on. It takes time but does not last forever. Lean into your despair, go with it. It is not bottomless. REALLY. This is probably rock-bottom and however much of a cliche -the only way is up. Get through today. Treat tomorrow as day 1. All the best

[majord23]

I would love to heal myself, believe me I would but it just doesn't seem to work! I have tried other girls, I have tried the gym, I HAVE done numerous things to better myself including taking the time to read things about relationships, talk to people with degrees about how I'm feeling and why I did the things I did when I was with this girl, I am a completely different person now from the man that i was when the relationship ended

 

Dogg, it's admirable that you are taking steps to improve yourself and analyse the mistakes you made within the relationship....but the answer as to why you have not healed may lie in there as well.

 

Ask yourself *why* you were trying to make these improvements...was it for you? OR were you trying to grow as a person with your ultimate goal being to get your ex back?

 

When we start doing things for our own benefit, regardless of the effect it may have on an ex, is when we genuinely take steps forward. BUT If we start trying to change ourselves for someone else, then all we ultimately do is hold ourselves back.

 

By all means reflect on your own mistakes, analyse what behaviours aren't healthy and can be worked on - but do it so that your next relationship is a healthier one, REGARDLESS of who it is with - don't do it with the aim of impressing your ex. You'll just end up disappointed.

[LostInTranslation]

Dogg,

 

Don't disappear on us. We are all here to help one another and don't feel as though you are upsetting people. We just want you to be okay more than you know.

 

I know how it feels to feel as you do. Not a day goes by that I don't wake up or go to bed with my ex on my mind. At times I feel as though I won't ever know anyone as amazing in my eyes as her. But the fact remains is that she doesn't love me anymore ... and that is more than enough to motivate me to move on. Sure, I would give anything to have her back as well, but the most important thing is to have myself back. You have lost so much of yourself in this relationship and you need to find yourself again and possibly re-invent yourself.

 

Be happy that you have made changes because of this breakup. There is nothing you can do to show her you are a changed man. Just be happy that you are and apply it to your future relationships. You are only 27. That is a mature age to know who you are as a person and offer what you have to give to someone who is ready and deserving. So many people emphasize happiness and success in their lives through their relationships when the true meaning should lie within one's self.

 

majord was right. Make the necessary changes for yourself, not to get this girl back. She is no good for you anymore if her heart is not in it. If she couldn't add you on MySpace, she definitely cannot provide you the love you are seeking.

 

Life will not pass you by so hang in there and do what you need to heal ... you will have to eventually.

[fIIsion]

Everyone on this thread has given such great advice, its really difficult to think of something else to add.

 

Like yourself I deeply loved my ex and believed that she was the one meant for me, I found it very difficult at first to accept the relationship was over and was in denial for many months.

 

I think the hardest part of a breakup is the acceptance but also it is the key to moving on.

 

Meeting other people is great, but perhaps its not the right time for dating, with the feelings that you still have for your ex, no one is going to compare to her and this will only add to your frustration.

 

Do not think about doing things just to simply get over your ex, this is nothing more than just suppressing your emotions, you should think about doing things for your own fullfilment.

 

Other than N/C the only other advice I can give you is just to take small steps, take each day one at a time,

its a long hard road and there will be setbacks, but at the end you will be a much stronger person.

[annie24]

no no no no no!!!

 

You are not angering us!!! It's just that.... it's obvious that you are a very sweet man with so much love to give. You are very loyal and kind. Those are some very good traits. I think we all feel bad that your kindness and love is directed towards this woman who isn't returning it.

 

We just want you to find someone who will appreciate you and all you have to offer. This woman certainly isn't. It is really her loss. There are plenty of other women who would love to be with you. We just want you to get "unhooked" from your ex and to meet one of the new women!

[Dogg]

I just feel that if I can be so forgotten and so ignored so to speak after three years and I'm not even worth being a myspace friend than am I really worth anything? I've never felt so f*cken worthless before in my life. I just want to crawl under a rock and give up, I've tried so hard to be happy and I've tried so hard to better myself adn its gotten me nowhere but right back to where I've started...misery and anguish. I'm sorry to all of you that continue to read all of my posts and try to give me advice that for one reasonm or another I may or may not take, I just feel liek I have completely lost it all. If the love of my life won't even acknowledge my existence and does not even want me as a friend, than maybe I have just been lying to myself all this time telling myself that I'm worth it and that I deserve better, because maybe, just maybe I don't...