How much effort is TOO MUCH effort?

[SAMRA2]

i am in a committed relationship, have been for 2 months now. the thing is that i feel i am making, we both are, making A LOT of effort to make it work. we have very different approaches to things , and still we are tryin to overcome it in spite of constant arguments that we have. is it normal to make a lot of effort in a relationship or should things be smooth by nature? i need some advice since this is my first real committed relationship. how much effort is just TOO MUCH and does it mean we should end it?? advice appreciated!

[Londyn]

If both parties are putting forth effort...THEN THERE NEVER IS TOO MUCH EFFORT. The fact that you guys are both willing to change and put forth the efforts says a lot about the feelings you guys share for each other. However, what type of efforts are you guys putting into? Since this is your first serious relationship you need to evaluate what you want and your partner needs to find out what they want. From there you guys need to see how you can attain what each other wants. If you look at the list and realize you cannot comply then it is time for you to move on. Same for you partner. Also, look and see if you guys are a match meaning: future dreams, finances, children, family, but most of all spirituality. If all these match and you guys are willing to continue to put forth effort...I then say start taking it day by day and setting short term goals for your relationship. Hope this helps!

[LostInMyThoughts]

Yeah it sounds like something could be off, just based on how long you two have been together.

 

Usually there is this "honeymoon" phase were everything goes smoothly. How long it lasts depends on the couple, but it eventually wears off, and the puppylove blinders are lifted.

 

After that period, there are highs and lows in the relationship, and effort is needed to make things work. Though I do say, that after awhile, this "effort" becomes second nature, and it doesn't feel like work anymore.

 

That said, you have to follow your heart. Deciding if its time to call it quits is tricky thing.

 

Why do you think something is wrong?

How much would you say is off in your relationship?

If those things were delt with, would you see yourself potentially being married to *him*?

[SAMRA2]

Londyn thnx! well actually i dont think this relationship is goin anywhere towards marriage or the like, still however we are willing to make the sacrifices. my question actually would be phrased as in: i feel the effort in arguing sometimes just drains me and i feel that after 6 hours of arguing that we still cant convince each other of our points of view. in the end we just accept to make the compromise not based on conviction rather than a way to stop arguing. is that ok? i feel we have very different starting points and convictions that wont change in both of us. yet we are both kind of laying them low to make things easier. is that normal? or does it mean we shouldnt be together?

[SAMRA2]

LostInMyThought, am a woman !

[LostInMyThoughts]

Sounds normal to me.

 

You may want to look at getting a book or two regarding conflict resolution in a relationship.

[LostInMyThoughts]

LostInMyThought, am a woman !

 

My bad.

 

Edited the post

[RayKay]

i am in a committed relationship, have been for 2 months now. the thing is that i feel i am making, we both are, making A LOT of effort to make it work. we have very different approaches to things , and still we are tryin to overcome it in spite of constant arguments that we have. is it normal to make a lot of effort in a relationship or should things be smooth by nature? i need some advice since this is my first real committed relationship. how much effort is just TOO MUCH and does it mean we should end it?? advice appreciated!

 

My thought is if you have only been together 2 months and you are having to essentially force things to work, and haveing constant arguments - it's too much.

 

All relationships do require effort, communication and compromise, but generally this early on it's still the honeymoon stage, it should not be so hard this early on!

 

I don't know it seems to me you either click, or you don't, and it sounds like you two are having trouble finding your groove and your natural click which to me indicates there is probably some personality and compatibility conflicts here....in my opinion one is not meant to force something to be that it is not.

[FCTex]

Take it for what it's worth. I know the feeling.

 

It's not nature to have to work so hard to be happy with someone and force it all, all the time. I'd suggest taking nature approach and see what comes to the surface with each other. If that doesn't work, take it for what is at hand.