love never wanted me

[RunToMe]

You know, I'm not sure if this is the correct category for my posting as what I'm about to say will probably make no sense to anyone but me. I'm just in one of those panicky - depressed moods.

 

I found out last week a lot of details about my previous relationship that I now wish I didn't know. Aside from the abuse, he cheated on me. Not once but twice. The second time it was a full on second relationship. Complete with "I love you"s and planning for the future. While he was living with me, he was loving someone else at the same time. I feel so dirty, used, and violated. I am severly depressed by all of this. I cant concentrate on anything but what happened. Its keeping me up at night. This all happened a year ago, and we've been broken up since mid February.

 

I'm so terrified that this will happen to me again. I cant go through this pain a second time around. I can't give my heart,body, and mind to someone again and have what happened repeat itself.

 

Lately, I have been incredibly lonely. I have wonderful friends and have been involved in SO many activities lately, but I feel like something is missing. I miss being touched. I miss the affection. Even though he neglected me most of the time, there was still some affection in our relationship. I miss it. I went to the zoo a couple of weeks ago with a guy that's intrested in me. He tried to hold my hand. I couldn't do it. As much as I want to, it doesn't feel right. It makes me incredibly uncomfortable.

 

How do I get passed that uncomfortable feeling? I want to be able to get close to guys... How do I trust again? I have been SO strong since the break up. Why am I falling apart now? I feel like if someone would just hold me, I would feel so much better. I know where I could go to get that, but I cant bring myself to do it. How do I heal? Basically, what I'm wanting is affection and cuddles (not sex... 'least not now) but I dont want a relationship just yet. Is that completely insane?

 

I know this is just a big mess of my thoughts, I'm sorry. I'm just in one of those moods today. This is my emotional vomit in text form.

[Derek]

If a woman was as honest and vulnerable and told me where she was at and what she was feeling the way you did, if I genuinely cared for her, I'd naturally want to hold her as long as it took for her to come out of her funk to the other side.

 

If the dude can't handle waiting for you to work through your feelings, he wasn't worth it in the first place.

 

On the other hand, maybe you really aren't ready to approach this guy...

Maybe you should find some girlfriends to drink with and eat ice cream and complain about boys instead. =)

 

The real healer is time...

 

 

[Goodfun88]

Obviously you aren't ready for a relationship. Not even hand holding. While you may be craving this type of affection I think it would be best to wait a little bit longer. Just because one person betrayed you, doesn't mean everyone will, remember that. There are plenty of good people out there who will treat you right. Take care of yourself now, heal, love yourself, and then when you are ready, jump back into the world of dating, but don't do that until you can release the pain and anger you feel for the one who betrayed you. Good luck and stay strong!!