She's the one who hit me.

[Horak]

I didn't really think of it as a big issue until now. We've actually been broken up for 4 days. Whenever we would get into a major argument she would continually slap me or even punch, keeping in mind I never laid a finger on her. She is the nicest girl anyone has ever known so I was wondering why such a sweet and innocent girl would flip out the way she does sometimes. This didn't happen all the time, it only actually happened about three times but what made her want to use full force when hitting me. She always said she felt bad afterwards or she didn't mean it. I shrugged it off but now I'm beginning to think it was something more. Any comments would be great

[hosswhispra]

She's being domestically violent to you. You don't deserve anyone who is physically abusive towards you. I think that the break-up is a blessing for you.

[yeawutever]

That's how most abusive people are, they don't change. Thye lead you to a false impression that they can the sweet person they are, but then are really hiding their dark side. And so, the cycle repeats. By the way, the most important question is "Why are you still with her"?? Don't you think you deserve better?? If you don't break up, it's gonna get worst, that's how abuse starts, the first time I think it's a slap or simple punch then it goes on to slamming your partner against a wall, or throwing things, then goes a lot worst. Get away from her as soon as possible.

[Sylph]

Hosswhispra is right.

 

Most people seem to think that it's only domestic violence if a man does it but of course that's not the case, personally I think you're probably better off without that. That fact that she did it doesn't surprise me though, I've said before in another thread that I don't think there are any innately "nice people". People will still do horrible things for no real reason no matter how they act the other 95% of the time.

[Horak]

Well, what if I was the one to push her overboard by saying something harmful or demeaning? Then would she have a reason to do this? I know people say harmful things, but I'm sure it doesn't have to turn out like this sometimes.

[yeawutever]

There's never a reason why you should abuse someone. Neither you nor she would have a right to do that, this impies to both men and women.

[Horak]

I know, but what if it was her only way of expressing her anger? Sorry, I don't know much about abuse or how serious it really is. Maybe a psychologist would understand why she did that. Do you think it means she hated me and just was afraid to tell me?

[agent1607307371]

Completely seconding Ailec1987 here.

 

There is never a reason or excuse to hit someone.

 

Did you say harmful thing to her, or are you trying to rationalise her reactions.

Even if you were saying hurtful things to her, that still does not excuse her actions. You choose how to react to things.

 

It sounds like she could really benefit from speaking to a professional about it.

 

ETA: if it really is her only way of expressing anger then she definitely needs to seek help for it and you need to stop feeling sorry for her and understand that you are lucky to have gotten out of this relationship before she caused you some real damage.

[Jorus Cbaoth]

It's the same as if you beat her. Domestic violence. If you two were married, she could have been arrested. Either way, it's best to find a solution. If it keeps up, the next thing you will get hit with might be a frying pan.

[yeawutever]

We all get angry, that's natural, but the most important thing is how we deal with it. Just cuz I'm mad let's say for ex: Something someone says, doesn't make me have a right to grab a tool and throw a dish at him/her. If she has anger issues, she needs to take anger management class, if possible couseling. You never hurt someone you love, plain rule they teach you in school, you don't hit anyone just cuz you're angry.

[hosswhispra]

NO ONE has a right to lay a hand on anyone and NO ONE is immune to domestic violence. It crosses all races, genders and socioeconomic classes. She made that wrong choice to hit and slap you. She will do it again (if not to you, then to someone else).

[DN]

Another danger for you is that if someone should call the police when this happens there is a good chance that you could be the one who is arrested and taken to jail.

 

You should take the advice of everyone on here and have nothing to do with her again.

[Horak]

I never thought of that, she doesn't seem like the one to throw a frying pan, but it's possible. The thing is that it happened rarely, 3 times in 1.5 years. We were working on a break right now because we both need space, and "if" in the near future we get back together, how could I stop this from happening again (even if she does it only one more time by the time I die). I respect her so much, I only want the best for her... but I don't want to say, "Go see a professional." She would be upset if I told her that. How would I go about solving it if I we were to pursue each other again. We still love each other and want to get back together, but not anytime soon for either of us.

[yeawutever]

Doesn't really make a difference how many times she hits you. Even if it's only once or three in a 1.5 year relation like you stated, she still did it and no excuse justifies it. If she's unwilling to get help and doesn't admitted that she has a problem with her temper, then I would suggest you break up with her. That's how abusive people are, they apologize after they do it, but then they do it again and again.

[hosswhispra]

Another danger for you is that if someone should call the police when this happens there is a good chance that you could be the one who is arrested and taken to jail.

 

You should take the advice of everyone on here and have nothing to do with her again.

 

 

I totally agree with what DN said here. I knew a neighbor this happened to. His wife hit and kicked him. He called the police and the police came and arrested HIM! Please do not go back to this woman. She's trouble!

[monkey1]

I've never been in your situation, but I'd suggest bring up to her that when she gets angry and hits you, it hurts you. Not only is she hurting you, but she's hurting herself. Then suggest that if she really wants to try to work things out that she needs to seek professional help. Heck I'd tell her that even if you decide not to get back together.

 

My best friend recently broke up with her girlfriend because one night she started hitting her. My friend freaked out and left. She said she couldn't be in an abusive relationship even though her ex hit her only once. Later her ex wanted to try and work things out, and my friend said only if they went to get professional help. After a few sessions my friend decided that they just want different things and are in different places in their lives. They really cared a lot about each other, but in the end, sometimes it's not meant to be.

 

And if she's bothered by you asking her to get help, then that's her problem. If she really loves you and wants to be with you, she'll do it. If she doesn't, then she doesn't love you enough to help your relationship. A person shouldn't be feared that when their partner gets upset during an argument that they're going to get slapped.

 

Hope you figure things out.

[hazeleyed]

well i think she might have reasons for going off board like that. I understand it was wrong of her but you guys really dont know her to take Horak's side. Maybe what he said was verbaly abusive or something like that. People usually go off board like that when they are not getting something repeatedly...watch the dairy of a mad black women....u will know what i mean

[DN]

well i think she might have reasons for going off board like that. I understand it was wrong of her but you guys really dont know her to take Horak's side. Maybe what he said was verbaly abusive or something like that. People usually go off board like that when they are not getting something repeatedly...watch the dairy of a mad black women....u will know what i mean

 

The fact that he may have said something verbally abusive is still not an excuse for hitting him. It is just not acceptable for a man to hit a woman under those circumstances and vice-versa. So it's not a question of taking Horak's side per se but of taking the side of anyone who is a victim of domestic violence.

 

Verbal abuse is a valid reason to file for divorce.

 

Physical abuse is a valid reason to file criminal charges.

[thegirl_00]

DN you give great advice, you know so much about everything. Horak, I would definitly take these people's advice and stay away from that woman. It only sounds like trouble to me and you don't deserve to be physically hurt even if it was only 3 times.

[hazeleyed]

Understandable that domestic violence under no situation is good. But I am just thinking of why she would go off board and hit because I know personally abuse happens when we are not getting something or sometimes we are with people who bring those bad things upon us. Maybe horak was a bad example for her.

[DN]

Understandable that domestic violence under no situation is good. But I am just thinking of why she would go off board and hit because I know personally abuse happens when we are not getting something or sometimes we are with people who bring those bad things upon us. Maybe horak was a bad example for her.

Maybe we should stop trying to pin the blame on the victim and just accept that some people are naturally violent and can't control their behaviour. No excuses.

[hazeleyed]

Sorry that I cannot do because I dont believe whatever I read and I do not just believe Horakz side just because he posted on here. Excuses or no excuses.

[DN]

Sorry that I cannot do because I dont believe whatever I read and I do not just believe Horakz side just because he posted on here. Excuses or no excuses.

If you don't believe anything you read on what basis do you give advice?

 

There is no 'side' when it comes to hitting a partner - it's just wrong unless in self-defence.

[hazeleyed]

If you don't believe anything you read on what basis do you give advice?

 

There is no 'side' when it comes to hitting a partner - it's just wrong unless in self-defence.

Actually DN I did read what he said and posted what I thought on the basis of my understanding. "She is the nicest girl anyone has ever known so I was wondering why such a sweet and innocent girl would flip out the way she does sometimes".

 

All this should be a hint, if she was the nicest girl and would never hurt someone than how come all of a sudden she gets into a relationship with Horak and starts abusing? THAT IS ALL I AM SAYING. If you read he says any advice or comments would be great which is what I did.

 

There is no 'side' when it comes to hitting a partner - it's just wrong unless in self-defence."

 

I dont agree that there is "no side". Both might be abusive but one is coming on here and writing stuff and or blaming another to get the sympathy or whatever to feel better about themselves. I have seen it happen so that is what I meant about not "believing whatever I read" NOT that I did not read the forum before I gave my 2 cents.

[DN]

Both might be abusive but one is coming on here and writing stuff and or blaming another to get the sympathy or whatever to feel better about themselves.

This what he said in his post:

Whenever we would get into a major argument she would continually slap me or even punch, keeping in mind I never laid a finger on her.

and this:

This didn't happen all the time, it only actually happened about three times but what made her want to use full force when hitting me. She always said she felt bad afterwards or she didn't mean it.

 

He specifically says he never laid a finger on her. Why not deal with what he says rather than suggest he might be lying? What possible purpose can that serve? If he is a liar he will ignore what you are saying. If he is not lying then he needs help in dealing with his situation as it is rather than some scenario that never happened.