Dating a married woman (update)

[Crawlin4x4]

Just thought i would update those of you who responded and somewhat followed what was going on.

 

For the most part, we are friends, we talk daily. though i do try and limit the conversations as much as possible. i dont call her unless its just to return her phone call. I dont really spend alot of time with her at work on a personal level, only if its work related.

 

After sitting on this for a few weeks, my head has cleared up alot. If i assume she is being honest with me, and really i have no reason to think she is not. Then her position on this is simply that she wants her marriage to work. However , since actions speak louder than words.. it seems she wants her marraige to work in words alone, her actions show she is just going through the motions.

 

She makes it very clear to me that we cannot spend time together outside of the workplace. mostly becuase she cant be around me without having those feelings to be with me. For her it is easier, out of sight out of mind. Yet she will call me at 4am (i start work between 5 and 6) when her husabnd is not home to "talk" and she is sure to mention that the AM PM i go to for coffe in the morning is 2 blocks from her house. When i ask her (knowing the answer is no.. but asking for asking's sake) if she wants me to come over, she says "no.. well... I DO, but you cant.." And i know damn well i could go there and she would let me, but i dont.

 

simply put? (and tell me if im wrong here) I think she wants her marraige to work for the sake that being divorced is frowned upon, I think her family and her friends have made her feel guilty enough about it that she chose to stay. Her heart.. however is not in it. She wants me, wants to be with me wants to have a life with me, but by her own choice (planted by others?), has decided not to.

 

my prediction is.. in 6 months or less she will be back out of her marriage. With me stands to be seen, as i have moved on to a point. I am going on a date tonight. inside i still love her, but i have come to terms with teh fact that, at least right now, her and i have no future. I love her deeply, and its not going away. And honestly i dont want it to go away, I really believe at this point that her going back to her husband has nothing to do with being deciptful to me, nor did she want to hurt me. She just feels its the right thing to do, and maybe shes right.. her marriage is not abusive, nor is it unhealthy from an outside viewing standpoint. she simply just does not love him in a romantic way. I dont feel like she is cheating on me.. i dont feel like she is taking advantage of me..

 

its hard to describe really i gues. reading what i have written makes it look like im a little puppy dog following her around. But really i see this more like when your signifigant other has to go away on a long business trip, or maybe for whatever reason has to be out of contact with you for an extended period of time. I know she lays in bed at night and wants to be with me (its obvious by the text messages at 2 in the morning) the way she looks at me at work, the way she talks to me when she calls. she does not call and say "oh oh i love you i love you", its just more or her tone. she is calling me becuase she loves me and needs to here from me, i dont NEED to tell her "i love you", she knows i do, as well as i know she does.

 

its emotion that goes beyond words. I wish i could put it a better way.

 

as always, thanks for listening

[zpivat]

She's married. Forget it. I am sure others will agree....

[annie24]

She's married. Forget it. I am sure others will agree....

 

ditto!!!!

 

If your prediction is correct and she does leave her husband and comes to you, how do you know she will not lose interest and cheat on you in a few years?

[PocoDiablo]

It disturbs me that she contacts you so early in the morning ... she seems to be creating drama and excitement in her life. She'll do this in any relationship she has. You'll be no different if you get together. Before you know it, she'll find a new "second guy" to keep her entertained.

 

You are wasting all this effort on a woman who can give you only 50% of herself. What a waste of your talent, your time, your effort. Imagine if you were dating a single woman who could give you 100%.

 

You are likely overlooking another woman who could be the love of your life, and it's your loss and only your loss.

[Crawlin4x4]

the precurser to this story is i was dating her for 6 months prior to her going back to her husband.

 

anyway, i appreciate the "leave her and move on" replies. ive pretty much been there and done that. am i overlooking someone? i dont think so, im going out tonight with a girl i met a few days ago. so far she seems great.

 

im just basically updating my situation, im dont being depressed, im done being upset and hurt.

 

i still have feeligs for her though. those wont just go away instantly. Im pretty much at the "there is nothing i can do to change this.. so move on" stage.

[annie24]

the precurser to this story is i was dating her for 6 months prior to her going back to her husband.

 

 

I often see comments such as these from "the other man/woman." What difference does it make that you were dating her before she went back to her husband? It's really neither here nor there. The facts are that she's married and she's with him, not with you.

 

The 4 AM phone calls are pretty sleazy. I agree with poco, she will do this to any guy she is with. I can't ever imagine doing something like that. If I were unhappy with my husband, I would try to work it out with him, or I would leave. But I couldn't keep calling other men at 4 AM. I think that's really skanky behavior.

 

Have fun on your date tonight. I think you should make every effort to make things work with the new girl. Block the married woman from contacting you. She is bad news.

[bOrN sLiPpY]

I'm a single guy, but have married female friends at work. We'll say that's my "working wife" or husband. We go out to lunch in mixed groups, and when there is an opportunity to diverge I prefer to keep it straight up...ie if they want to go to lunch just me and them...I say I'm busy, and then invite them to come along with a group a little later in the week.

 

Thing is, if a female is dating or is married to someone. I don't mess with that, I give that other unknown individual a little respect. In that you've got to give a little, in order to receive.

 

I think it's normal for married people to go through periods where they're a little disappointed with each other, or see someone new and interesting that they like. However if that committed person, is seeking out my singular company...how stupid would I be to expect that type of person to keep a commitment to me?

[Crawlin4x4]

when i was dating her, her divorce was pending. so at the time, it was morally okay. just she called it off at the last min. guess she got cold feet and didnt want to go through with it. which is fine, i can respect taht. just wish she would make up her mind.. at this point i dont care if shes with me or not. just figure it out, dont tell me your wokring it out with him.. then call me all the time. either be with me.. or be eith him. or be alone. dont sit on the fence..

[annie24]

What I meant was, it doesn't matter what happened in the past - you dating her or not while she was separated. It's that right now, she is married, so everything else is moot.

 

If she won't make the decision, then make one for her. walk away. she is the classic example of someone who wants to have their cake and eat it too.

[Crawlin4x4]

she is the classic example of someone who wants to have their cake and eat it too.

 

cant tell you how many times ive heard that just got a text message from her too "how is yoru date going" heh.. typical.

 

its funny how many people do things like this