This is so confusing!!

[music lover 88]

I know I'm supposed to be the strong one, I'm the one that told him not to call me. This is the third day that we haven't been in contact, I'm amazed he didn't try to call me or email me or contact me in some way. I just want to know how he is...my curiosity is getting the best of me. I don't want to get back together with him, I just want to make sure he's ok. Its like the mother in me or something, like I know he's depressed and probably not doing good and I want to make it better for him. But i know thats not my job and I can't really be the one to do that for him.

 

This wait is excruciating, I told him I would call him tomorrow. I read the posts that other people have put up. Alot of them broken up from relationships longer than mine and talking about the month of NC they're in. I can't imagine not talking to him for weeks. Is that really going to be necessary for us to move on? Will it ever be possible for us to be friends? How do I know when its ok for us to start talking again?

 

I told him not call me because he needed time to figure things out and accept our break up. He kept trying to get back together with me when it was already decided it wasn't going to work. So I told him we needed time apart to figure things out. I'm supposed to call him tomorrow, I don't know what I'm gonna say to him.

 

I don't wanna have to tell him again that we need time apart. I want us to be able to just talk on the phone and laugh and have fun with out me worrying its giving him hope. Will it make him think I want him back if we are to resume contact? Are we not supposed to have a good time and hang out anymore? I don't know how to act around him or what to say to him anymore. I don't know whats 'allowed' or 'not allowed', or which of those things will give him false hope.

[jcap01]

Well, I can tell you there's no way you guys can be friends right now. The guy is heart-broken and needs time to heal. How can you expect him to be friendly at this point? If you want to be friends sometime in the future, it's best that you leave him be right now and don't contact him at all. If you do, I'm sure he'll still bring up the old relationship with you and you'll break his heart some more if he doesn't hear what he wants. Just give it some time.

[music lover 88]

Well, I can tell you there's no way you guys can be friends right now. The guy is heart-broken and needs time to heal. How can you expect him to be friendly at this point? If you want to be friends sometime in the future, it's best that you leave him be right now and don't contact him at all. If you do, I'm sure he'll still bring up the old relationship with you and you'll break his heart some more if he doesn't hear what he wants. Just give it some time.

The last time I spoke to him, I said we needed time apart and that I would call him 3-4 days later. I understand better why we can't be friends right now. When I call him tomorrow I don't know what to expect. I hope he says that its better for him not to have contact with me. I don't want to force it on him like I did this time. If I have to again, should I give a time frame, like, "it seems like you need more time, I think its better that we don't talk. I'll call you in a week," or just leave it at, "I think its better we continue to have time apart." Or if he asks for how long, should I say a few weeks later, or tell him until he's accepted the situation?

 

I'm sorry, I hope my questions made sense!

[jcap01]

If it were me in your position, I would tell him that you both need to not contact each other until he has accepted that it's over and you don't want to be with him anymore. He might be upset about this but it's for the best if you both want to be friends in the future. Explain that to him and I'm sure he'll understand. Are you sure you're not the one that's going a little crazy right now thinking that he's already moved on with his life and accepted the situation? Are you having doubts of some sort?

[music lover 88]

I'm only going crazy wondering if he's ok. The whole reason I told him not to call me is because he kept making me feel guilty. He would tell me something to the effect of, "My life is ruined...I'm never going to get through this...I love you more than life itself...You're throwing away the one person who can love you like you deserve to be loved, etc..."

 

All of this after we had talked like a million times as to why our relationship wouldn't work out. He didn't get it, he kept trying to get me back, so I said we needed time apart.

[jcap01]

Ahh, I understand completely. I was acting just like him a few weeks ago when things between my fiancee and I didn't work out. Very heart-breaking. Only I told my ex not to call me because it was too hard for me and yet she still contacted me. Finally 2 weeks ago I had to initiate No Contact and she said she understood and promised she wouldn't call but she contacted me last week numerous times. And she was the one that left me! I mostly ignored the calls. I wonder why she called even though I told her I couldn't be there for her anymore and I couldn't be her friend because it was too hard for me. Oh well, i'm not going to worry about it because it's over and I need to move on. She hasn't contacted me this week at all and I'm starting to feel better about the whole situation. I'm starting to feel like i'm moving on.

[kadvati79]

I don't know how to act around him or what to say to him anymore. I don't know whats 'allowed' or 'not allowed', or which of those things will give him false hope.

 

Absolutely anything you say or do, or even what you don't say or do, can and will be held against you in the court of breakups! There is the potential to draw hope for absolutely any interaction with an ex.

 

If you really care and think there really is no hope, you need to accept that he is under absolutely no responsibility or obligation to be friends with you. In fact he might choose to never speak to you again. It may simply be too hard.

 

My first ex who I dumped, only now after FOUR YEARS will respond to my texts. He does not want to meet up, he makes excuses but a friend told me he still finds it too painful even though he is in another relationship thats actually been longer than our one! I had no idea it would take him this long. I have had to accept we will never be friends.