She finally told me face to face

[ufoureah]

My GF has finally told me face to face that it is over and that we are done. She turned out to be an alcoholic who suffers from PTSD and has quit her antidepressants cold turkey. She presented to me a facade of a person when I met her.. I had no clue and fell in love with an image that was not real. I thought she was having issues with ketones and possibly diabetes and me being in the medical field, made me become this overbearing overconcerned caretaker and I restricted her intake of sugar and you name it. Turned out she was self medicating with alcohol. She got another DUI (last 1 was 4 years ago)

She moved out of my house while I was out of the country and told me we would be dating when I came back. Come to find out she had a personal ad in the last 2 months of our relationship and had started sleeping with someone she calls sprotsex. Someone who in unavailable emotionally and with whom she had a strict sexual relationship with for 6 months about a year before me.

Plus she is sleeping with someone else 2 hours north of here.

She never officially broke up with me.

I guess the signs were there, but we were in a committed relationship and she kept making me cards and professing her love.

So yesterday I requested to meet her and we talked. She was very standoffish. never seen her like that. she couldn't look me in the eyes. I was calm and asked what happened. Why? Why didn't she talk to me? Isn't that what partners do? How is it so easy for her to just move on like this. I don't understand. But she is... Obviously. she says there is too much water under the bridge. She really has misbehaved terribly. She wants to do her own thing and maybe one day we can be friends.

I am terribly confused and totally at a loss. I have gone from Oh my G'D what is happening stage.. to I am so pissed to I am so sad in 4 weeks. Lost 20 lbs and my head has yet to stop spinning...

WHAT THE HECK HAPPENED??? She has disassociative personality disorder form the sex abuse and I read that stopping the Paxil cold turkey can make you crazy.

I do not recognize her for a second. It is the weirdest thing.

I am done obsessing about it. I have to move on and I am.. I cry once in awhile. But honestly iam glad it is over. I don't want any more lies and misery in my life.

NC started today.. now that i can start with my closure.

I cannot talk any sense into her.

I am the enemy.

Iam sure I will have bad days. I hope I can come here for support.

Thank you all

D...

[lucia]

I'm so sorry to hear what happened.

[xprincessbugx]

I'm very sorry to hear that happened but good luck and take care

[iamteddybearfeelmecuddle]

well first of all please try not to penalize her for her ptsd, i'm sure it's not a picnic for her either. i'm sure though, that it's closer to home for you, since you were with her and you hoped to help out and everything...she was not a good partner for you, and it sounds like she's not emotionally healthy, and you have the right to be hurt. but some times people truley cannot help how they have been conditioned to relate...just be more careful next time you go to get involved with someone...

[furakura]

I'm very sorry that she turned out to be such a different person

[ufoureah]

She acts like she is normal, and she is a high state official with 50 employees. How can they function and do a job right and at home she is a 4 year old child. She is so angry at me and blames me for everything. The sick thing is,, I miss the 1 st person she presented to mke. She started with great enthusiasm. I still read the wonderful cards she made me and hear all the words of love she told me. still remember the most wonderful times we had and the most incredible intimacy we shared. How the heck do I get over that. I cannot imagine her doing the same to someone else. it was a facde and I feel so sad that I had to live that.

What did I do that was so bad? is what I ask myself? I was so concerned about her getting sick, whenj I smelled what I thought were ketones. She told me none of her partnbers cared so Imade sure to. I am a very caring person. I did call her names when she acted out drunk and as a 3 year old. I just didn't understand. I became a motherfigure in a relationship with someone who was 5 years older than me and all I have for a role model is my own controlling mother, so I simulated her. So many mistakes, so many regrets.

I miss my friend.. she wants nothing to do with me..

How sad, I used to be her everything.

I am giving her space. Let her find herself, go thru her diversion program, find someone new and move on. There is nothing I can do.. I have tried.

She is done and can just move on without blinking an eye.

I was the best I could possibly be as far as caring, supporting, being there..loving. she wants free love and no connection.

she told me she wanted what I had to offer. She lied!!! Like most alcoholics do.

wow.

I still facilate between OMG what happened to Iam so sad to Iam so angry, to I miss you baby..

Please help me maintain NC.

I have erased her out of my addressbook on the computer and off my phone and Ima staying busy.

We used toi play the piano togethr, she is my rolemodel and every night i practice. I cry my eyeballs out between every note, but I do it. we used to sing every night and I am learning so she used to help me read the notes. Will she ever remember the fun times we used to have?

I hope so.

Sorry Iam rambling.. Iam having some anxiety.

D...

[NJRon]

From the sounds of it, you are much better off without her. Once you are through this emotional rollercoaster, and you start getting your life back on track, I think you will appreciate that you are free of this relationship.

[ufoureah]

I know I am better off, I just feel betrayed, lied to, molested, hurt, cheated,, and I miss my bud. And the intimacy..

Iam glad I didn't find this stuff out 15 years later.

D...

[iamteddybearfeelmecuddle]

.....er...."molested"...?.....

[ufoureah]

It's just how I feel. I wasn't really molested ..just feel that way

[iamteddybearfeelmecuddle]

yeah, but you know it kind of bugs me a little when people throw around words such as 'molested' and 'raped'. seems to dilute the seriousness of the term, when necessary. even though obviously i realize that technically it is gramatically correct to do so. sorry but those are my two cents.

[ufoureah]

sorry.. I was introduced to a facade.. Nothing about who she presented she was is true.. I was betrayed. Kind of like a narcissist preying on new victims. It was a living hell, looking back and then she just pulled the rug right from under me.. boom. yes I feel betrayed and absolutely taken.

And now she is doing to someone else. The job and the looks are what get her to these people. what is inside is one scared, 2 year old without boudaries, with anxiety and depression alcoholism and sex addiction. how sad.. She molded into what she thought I wanted and the truth is she is nothing like that, a big FACADE... Nothing she ever said was true...and what pisses me off is that I fell for it.. How can I ever trust anyone ever again. This woman is the posterchild of what a terrific partner is supposed to be like and it was nothing like that.. and she is the excecutive director of a state agency with 50 employees here in our state. And her friends are all the same. You should see how they write in code to each other on the state e-mail system.. about how to meet and where for their interludes of nasty things they are going to do to each other.

It is a network of thugs. These people are the ones spending our millions of taxdollars. 2 dui's in less than 4 years and NO ONE knows..

I fell for this scum.. Yes it makes it easy to walk away now.. But I am furious at myself for falling for the image that was nothing but a lie.

Sorry my $100

Yes Iam getting help.. this is my anger stage

D...

[Belle]

I'm sorry you fell for a sick person. She really did a number on you. You probably want to figure out where your weak spot is that fell for someone like that. There had to have been some warning signs. There usually are.

 

Right now you're vacillating between understanding that she's ill, and being in denial that the facade was real. You need to stop blaming yourself and accept reality. The quicker you can get there, the better. Once you accept that she's no good for you it'll be easier to move on.

 

By the time you do move on and start dating others you'll completely realize you are better off and that you dodged a bullet. Trust me on this.

 

take care of yourself and drink protein shakes. You need energy and exericse.

[ufoureah]

Oh i have lost 20 lbs in 4 weeks. We talked again on Friday. she is already interested in someone else. I didn't realize the implications her PTSD had on the way she coped or not coped with people and control. I thought she was tough and didn't realize she had issues with boundaries. I bulldozed her. I am from South America and do not understand the concept, but Iam learning. She wants us to try and be friends and she wants to get her control back. Iam leaving the ball in her court. She asked me Friday if I were willing to go with her next Wednesday to a class she is taking for her DUI diversion progra, I figured I can prove to her that I can be friends and not be such a bull in a china shop. She is really intimidated by me. I don't think I could sleep with her again, since she has crossed that line with someone else. But I think I should go, sit next to her. keep my trap shut. And leave when it's done. No expectations and no touching or pretending like we are still together. I want her to feel comfortable with me so that another time she can invite me for something alittle more intimate, like working out at the gym or a hike or dinner later wayyyy down the line.

I will not mention a word about her new interest or our last relationship. What do you think?

I really miss my friend I used to go camping with and hike and kayak and now that I bought a $1500 bike she will be able to join me when I go riding. Much later. I just want to mke her feel safe around me.

What do you think? No secret agenda.

D...