Broke up four months ago.. He's still manipulative and destroyed my life...

[gw1470]

My boyfriend and i broke up four months ago, and i really thought by now i'd be over him after the way he treated me.

 

When we first met he was so charming and the first three months were blissful, then around his exams time i started seeing a different side to him. He would get angry at the smallest things and i put it down to examination stress. I would fall asleep in bed and wake up to him shoving me really hard.. he would never give a reason. This then progressed onto him gripping hold of me really hard and shouting into my face.

 

A few months down the line he hit me for the first time, his excused was he was jetlagged after i had picked him up on the flight. And well after that period although he never hit me again he would shove me against walls and hold my neck again shouting at me.

 

We stopped having sex as i was always to frightend and this began to formulate his excuse as to why he did the things he did. The thing is i know he did this to his last ex girlfriend as he told me and i just put it to the back of my mind.

 

Anyway after we broke up i thought everything would get better for me. I confided in a few friends who said the usual why'd you stay with him? Answer: I thought he was passionate about me, the way he acted he used to say was because he loved me so much and he just wanted this relationship to work.

 

But after three weeks of the end of our relationship he got into this new relationship, i was devastated (because i stupidly believed he still felt strongly about me) this girl i knew hates me as well as she used to date his best friend. And he has told me she knows everything about our relationship and that he hit me, and so does his friends (who i also know really well) and he made out that i had all these problems and i was such a handful i almost deserved it which i guess our friends now think...

 

He would also ring me and tell me how much of a malicious and horrible person i was and make up stories about me spreading it amongst my friends. I hate feeling like this, when i first started university i was this loved person who everyone knew and wanted to know, and now i can't stand to go out because his girlfriends friends point, whisper and laugh about me, and my friends are getting so wound up with my behaviour as although they understand it, they feel its something i should get over, but how do i go about that? I almost want to report him, show him you can't treat other people like this but i know that his manipulative behaviour would get him out of it. I'm just at a loss and have started thinking horrible thoughts about how much easier everything would be if i just weren't here anymore?

[sunshine_girl]

firstly congratulate yourself on getting out. and secondly hold your head up high, i applaud you on having the courage to get out, these kind of things can chew you up and spit you out before you know what has happened. he is a clear case(imho) of The Narcissistic Personality Disorder, along with verbal, emotional and physical abuse. do a google on dr irene/trubble also. read a lot. i wish i could give you a big hug. read anything by patricia evans. this helped me out of a situation that was not healthy. (i hope i arnt going against any rules by saying authors etc?). he wants you to see the world thru his warped reality, and you're not, this is why it gets worse before it gets better. (hopefully and a lot of times the "better" is instant. As in they go cold turkey). wow if my situation had "turned" as quick as yours, instead of the softly softly approach, i could have saved myself oh, about 2.5 yrs! however, ive now learned what to NEVER put up with, so its a blessing in disguise. you will be stronger for it. HOLD YOUR HEAD UP AND BE PROUD!!! I'm in awe of you, you go girl. ps. it can take up to 12 months to recover from a relationship like this, depending of course how long the r/shp lasted and the extent of the mindwashing caused by the "crazyspeak". read, chat on the phone, have bubblebaths, keep a grateful journal, write a list of things that you love or have a pamper bag at the ready, so if you have a down moment, you have something to cheer you up. Nothing like a chat and pink toenails to cheer you up he will leave a trail of destruction so hang in there your reputation will be restored!

[gw1470]

Wow thank you so much for those words, i've researched into the narcissitic personality disorder, and i honestly don't think you could of hit the nail on the head any closer! It is uncanny of the similarities of his behaviour and the diagnosis. Unfortunately due to the circumstances i can't help him. But from observing it, it appears that he can only help himself and this disorder doesn't exactly allow self help. But thank you for restoring my faith that it wasn't my influence or fault and it is to do with him as a person!

[Beyondthesea]

Hon, there is nothing wrong with you, it's him. He is sick, and you are doing really well being out of there.

 

Maintain strict no contact, as he will try to get back into your life when he needs an ego boost again. If he calls, hang up. Avoid him at all costs.

 

you are doing great!