My story for the first time to anyone...ever!

[DarkGemini]

I met my wife while I was stationed in San Diego she was 18 I was 21. I had just returned from a deployment overseas and she was a blind date for the New Year's weekend.

 

She didn't go out with us that night, but the next day we invited her to go bowling, and dinner. She didn't talk that much, didn't even order food.

 

She was down in Christmas / new years break from Job Corp in LA, we had been out everyday for 3 days straight, when we started talking about being boyfriend and girlfriend.

 

She knew I was leaving in 5 month and didn't want anything serious, I said "it is better to have love and lost, then to have never loved at all" I had been in San Diego for 3 years, and just like every other relationship I tried I knew it was going to fail, but hey what the heck right.

 

She left and went back to LA and only came down on the weekend. When she was gone I might have given out my number once or twice, but like I said I never had any success when I came to women, that's why I wanted to date my wife she actually liked me.

 

Weeks went on something I never though would happen started, women like me, enjoyed my company and wanted to be with me. That when the bad life style started. I was dating other women doing the week and seeing my wife on the weekend.

 

Bad I know but it took 21 years for this too happen.

 

Eventually my wife quit Job Corp and stay in San Diego, I got rid of all the flings, and I was able to get all the attention I was getting from 3 women in one, sex included. But one bad thing was happening that I didn't notice, I was losing touch with my friends, my boys.

 

I didn't kick it with them, I wasn't at my apartment because I was at her house (but she lived with family so I couldn't stay over) and when I was at my house she was too, but the attention and the sex was great.

 

Fast forward a little, and it time for me to go, I was being stationed in Spain, uummmm all the stories I've heard I was ready to go...but there was one problem...my then girlfriend

 

What was supposed to do? I was like, "I'll visit you on leave, or maybe you can come visit me" I was underway off the coast of San Diego just floating, talking to her over emails, when this discussion finally came up. Then she hit with the M word.

 

"I would come over there unless we were married" she said

 

"Are you asking" I asked

 

Silence

 

"I guess" she said

 

"Well if you are then that not the proper way to ask" I said joking

 

She then sent an email "WILL YOU MARRY ME?" in big letters

 

I leaned back from the computer and thought. Actually I didn't have any thoughts, I never thought about marriage before, it had never crossed my mind. I was like 1am in the morning and I asked the only other guy I was around, I think he was married. Then I actually started to think that after 21 years this girl came into my life and provided what I had been looking for...supposedly.

 

We were married on May 8th 1999, by the court.

 

I put out of my mind that I was 3,000 miles from my parents and were only to tell them by phone, (they were disappointed I found out later from my sister) I put out of my mind that my boys were shaking their heads and took off for Spain.

 

The next few years was hard, and I'll sum them up in a nut shell

 

She never got her diploma or GED, telling her about the oppunties of going to school was an augment. She stayed at home doing nothing, until I had to tell her, if she didn't want to work or go to school, then it was keeping the house clean laundry done and cooking...she gladly accepted that role.

 

I started to do my little dirt...I never cheated by guys standards (sex) but I just unfaithful by women's. I lusted after other women, dance with them closer them a little closer then I should have, and kissed.

 

She flirted online, so much to the point that he wanted her to leave me and come stay with him, and he would have paid her way (that I had to snoop to find that out) and shared some moment with a guy that had her crying at my knees (I was so mad I've blocked all the she was saying out of my head)

 

We talked about separating about 5 times, but each time I could stand her pain, and couldn't get the point accross to her that it was me...I wasn't ready, that it was nothing she had done wrong, but that didn't work, a couple of times I thought she was going to hurt herself.

 

On top of all this there was children...or the lack there of.

 

She wanted children as soon as we hit Spain; I wanted her to get an education and to get mine too. But we never used any type of contraceptive.

 

When we left Spain we went back to San Diego. I had to go back to a ship so I thought it would be better if she was with family while I was gone.

 

I had to go to Florida was a school and was planning on leavening her, I didn't want to do it like a coward, but I had no choice, all our furniture was in storage, my personal stuff I put in the trunk of my car and left it at a parking lot on base (she didn't have a license so she couldn't drive)

 

But I couldn't do it; she eventually came to Florida with me for about a month.

 

Then somehow I think I might have mention something about separating and it was worst. She called her family after all the crying and her cousin came and got her she stayed at her family's house for about a day. I didn't know what to do, I called a friend (female of course) that lived in Singapore that I'd had known for about 3 years before my wife, we talked. Then my wife called, we talked and she came back home the next day.

 

A couple of months when by and I left for deployment. We email back and forth daily, one day about 1 week from about to hit Singapore; she emailed me she wanted to know about an expensive phone to Singapore that was on the phone bill.

 

DAM

 

Since 2003, it's been up and down, of course I haven't done anything to start a big argument about (that she knows of) but we haven't had any of the scenes like we did in Spain and when we first came back to San Diego. I've learned that I am my wife life, she is doing better then everyone in her family cause of me, she doesn't have to worry about money, or education cause of me. So what happens to her without me? What happens when I finally yell I don't want to adopt I want my own children, what happens to her

 

I'm now just here...just doing what is the right thing to do.

 

I want to smile again,

 

I want to be happy

 

I want to feel whole

 

I want to be alive

 

But I have to do the right thing, right?

[RandomAdvisor]

Do what you have to do to be happy. Staying with someone out of pity is the last reason to stay with them. You've been with her for six years and you're still young. Are you prepared to stay with her for the rest of your life and be miserable?

 

If having your own children is your sole issue, are you sure she can't conceive naturally? Has she been to a doctor about this?

 

Based on everything you've written, I don't think married life is for you. At least not yet. It doesn't sound like you've ever been faithful to your wife, and you want to sleep around. If that's what you want, that's fine. Just be a man and be honest about it, and end your marriage.

 

Also, what does your wife want? You want to stay with her because you feel obligated, but would she want to remain in the marriage if she knew that's the only reason you were sticking around? Would she still want to be with you if she knew the whole truth about all the things you have done behind her back?

 

Maybe you should lay all the cards on the table and ask her. She has a right to know.

[AprilS0769]

Thats good advice someguy282...lol can u read my thing and give me your thoughts?? Maybe I dont want to hear them tho..

 

Dark Gemini, I can understand your feelings. I am going through alot of the same. Our stories are different, but I can see what u r saying..

I can't offer advise because I can't even figure out things for myself yet. But someguy282 makes sense.