littleone22 Posted April 25, 2006 Share Posted April 25, 2006 Im still recovering from my breaking up with my abusive ex, but one question I have.... He has come back and said he misses me, and keeps trying to be nice. Is this his trap? I emailed him and told him that I was really hurt by the way he treated me, and I don't think I can go back. Do you think a man like him, and reading my past posts, that losing someone they love can really change him. do I just ignore him? Link to comment
ut_longhorn Posted April 25, 2006 Share Posted April 25, 2006 this is your boyfriend? and he's treating you like this? you should start writing a journal and write down everything that happens. then down the road, you should read your journals and see what's in them. if you find that you dont want to be with the boyfriend that you wrote about in the journals, you should leave him. Link to comment
PocoDiablo Posted April 25, 2006 Share Posted April 25, 2006 Didn't you say this? Isn't it completely obvious that he's just tricking you? Link to comment
littleone22 Posted April 25, 2006 Author Share Posted April 25, 2006 Yes, I think he is too. I just thought for a second he could actually feel remorse for what he did, and the fact that he lost a good person, may change him. As I write this, I realize it does sound dumb. All of you have told me in previous posts he will not change, but I still love him so much, and I think that I was wrong for even responding to him by an email. I didn't call him or text him, just the email saying I don't think it will work.... Heck, the last time we talked as a "couple" he didn't return my call for 2 hours, so I call him at 12:30 am, being very calm and patient, and he yells at me for giving him childish behavior and attitude. My goodness, we had talked 3 hours before, and agreed, on pleasant terms too, to talk that night. Then he gives me that crap. Who knows if I said something to piss him off while getting off the phone, but he ended our last conversation a week ago by hanging up on me and saying how sick he was of my behavior... Its too bad, because now that Im writing all this, I realize it would be SO wrong to even respond back to him. I wasn't perfect but I put up with his temper, cruel words, boring lifestyle.... Im doing ok, I just needed to share this because I messed up and broke NC, and I realize now there were no genuine intentions in his contacting me. he will just start telling me to shut up and hang up on me given a couple weeks. Link to comment
PocoDiablo Posted April 25, 2006 Share Posted April 25, 2006 Sure you love him ... like a mother loves her child. But you have to realize you are misplacing your love for him. You care for him as a human being who needs to be raised properly, who needs to grow and learn. I personally believe women get with men they think they can change and enjoy the challenge. But the problem here is that he's too brutal, and you can't change him. You shouldn't WANT to change him anyway, you are essentially lying to yourself and him to think you want a good guy but are dating a jerk. If you want a guy who respects you but is still a challenge and fun to be with, go find him! There are plenty other men out there that will be just as exciting in a FUN and mature way. To take him back without making him REALLY work for it means he will not respect you, he will not esteem you, because you are too easily obtained. You're gullible if you take him back, and he's the kind of guy to take advantage of you because you let him. Link to comment
littleone22 Posted April 25, 2006 Author Share Posted April 25, 2006 poco, you are right in that. I let him treat me that way, but the sick thing with him is that Ive made him work for it before, and he eventually, after 2 weeks or so, went back to treating me like crap. I think thats just him, and he will be that way to anyone. Deep down I think he is unhappy and bitter against many things in life and he takes it out on me. It hurts that I stood by him through SO MUCH, yet he can't get past small things I do. Im not cruel, not perfect, but never demeaning, never ignored him, never told him to shut up.... He did that to me in such an easy way, like it was nothing, that it makes me sick.. thanks for the replies! Link to comment
Relationship Coach Posted April 25, 2006 Share Posted April 25, 2006 He may miss you in a sense that his outlet to vent his anger on is now gone. Abusers such as this must remain in control and you by doing the smart and the best thing for your own survival have taken control by leaving him and staying away from him. The escalation cycle of abuse would put this guy at the extreme exception if he had truly made a change. More than likely he is putting on an act to lure you back under his control where the abuse will continue and get more severe. Stay away from him and never subject yourself to this type of behavior again, you deserve better. RC Link to comment
BONO Posted April 25, 2006 Share Posted April 25, 2006 I personally believe women get with men they think they can change and enjoy the challenge. . What do you mean by a " Challenge" ???? Scruff Link to comment
littleone22 Posted April 25, 2006 Author Share Posted April 25, 2006 relationship coach, what you said makes great sense. I notice that the verbal abuse has become much worse since I met him. He says things that are absolutley so cruel, and the ignoring, hang ups, etc, have become worse. He hasn't been physically abusive for a long time, but one time is enough I know.... poco, i understand what you mean by a challenge. Girls like to have some adventure and spice in a relationship, thats where the saying comes from, "nice guys finish last." Its not until a woman has been through a complete loss of self esteem and gone through a very abusive relationship that she can truly appreciate the value of a nice guy. =) Thats my thought, because right now, all I am looking for is a nice guy. Screw good looks, well, my high standards I once had, because a caring, genuine man is who I long to meet some day. Link to comment
PocoDiablo Posted April 25, 2006 Share Posted April 25, 2006 What do you mean by a " Challenge" ???? poco, i understand what you mean by a challenge. Girls like to have some adventure and spice in a relationship, thats where the saying comes from, "nice guys finish last." Its not until a woman has been through a complete loss of self esteem and gone through a very abusive relationship that she can truly appreciate the value of a nice guy. =) Thats my thought, because right now, all I am looking for is a nice guy. Screw good looks, well, my high standards I once had, because a caring, genuine man is who I long to meet some day. Scruff, Think of it this way ... you want me to write about challenge, but I haven't yet. Funny thing is I believe this is the 4th time or so you've sought out the answer, and I've been toying with you a little over it as well (heh!) See, I am being a *challenge* by NOT giving you what you want. If I rolled over and typed something up fast, there would be no anticipation, no challenge, no fun! Link to comment
tylercdurden2004 Posted April 26, 2006 Share Posted April 26, 2006 Spare me tough guy ,I didn't see that one coming !! You should know this by now, no-one likes a smart * * * * pal !!! Big kiss xx What sounds like "hunt" by the way ??? Take your time, clearly you need to build yourself up to my anicipation of your glory ha ha !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! you... Scruff Runt???????? Link to comment
Hope75 Posted April 27, 2006 Share Posted April 27, 2006 Hi Littleone, I've read a few of your posts about this guy and I have to say that you are doing yourself a favor by ignoring him. He's treated you very poorly and has a terrible attitude about women in general. Someone like this is very unlikely to change, and I hope after repeated attempts on your part to forgive and see if that would happen, you can now see that it isn't. Stay strong, we are here when you need us. ((HUGS)) Link to comment
littleone22 Posted April 28, 2006 Author Share Posted April 28, 2006 Thank you Hope75! He is now ignoring me and doing me the favor. =) Im thankful for that because It would be so much harder if he showed an iota of care or concern, yet he hasn't for a week now. I do not miss him, at least not yet, Im just angry becasue I now see the relationship for what it was, and that he really was verbally and mentally abusing me on SO MANY levels. Im so very happy Im out, and Im going to stick with NC, even if he eventually contacts me.. I can't feel like i did with him ever again. Link to comment
Hope75 Posted April 28, 2006 Share Posted April 28, 2006 Glad to hear you are feeling strong! Try to keep yourself busy and do things that YOU enjoy, see how good it feels to put yourself first for a change. You deserve it! Link to comment
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