should i be paranoid?

[girl_83]

Im from australia and im not sure how the cell phones in other countries work and sorry for my ignorance. I will try to explain this in the simpliest way i can. With cell phones here you can either be on plan or a card which can be $30 $50 or $100. With each of those cards if u buy a card that is $30 then you can have 300 minutes free to talk with and if its a $50 card then its 500 free minutes and so on. My bf always buys the $30 card and im the only person he calls. He doesnt have any friends as he has stopped talking to them for over a year over an argument.

 

Im paranoid about this but i dont want to bring it up with him because he will make me feel guilty for asking and then he will start arguing about me not trusting him and so on. The thing is, he just recently bought this $30 card like 4 days ago. We usually talk on the house phone when he calls anyways i was talking to him on the house phone and he said he was going to check how much money and minutes he has left. To my surprise he had zero minutes and only 12$ left Then straight away i went silent and he said to me "my mother and brothers use my phone to make calls and that he's not cheating on me" I said to him i didnt say anything about you cheating and his response was 'i know you were thinking it'

 

Why did he say that? he made me paranoid, could he be cheating..how will i ever know? am i over-reacting or do i have the right to be stressing and be a little paranoid when his entire 300 minutes is gone and he only has 12$ left?

 

What am i suppose to do, its stressing me out. I dont want him to think im suspecious or that i dont trust me, im extremely paranoid but with a history like his, who wouldnt be. He has called me on my phone on a few occasions but nothing that would be anything close to 300 minutes.

 

Whats wrong with me, am i making a big deal out of something that probably isnt even happening? He seemed to act a little too surprised when he found out how many minutes and dollers he had left, almost seemed too fake. Maybe his family has been using it...how will i ever know? What should i think?

 

Ohhh i hate this, theres always something he stresses me about. I never ever give him a reason to doubt me.

[RayKay]

Hmm, well, 300 minutes in 4 days is...a lot.

 

I can't of course tell you if his family used them or he used them. It does sound "odd" but I don't know....

 

However reading your past threads there are DOZENS of red flags in this relationship. For example his sudden change of heart when it comes to children (um, dealbreaker!), you are taking "more and more crap" from him every week, you are miserable, you don't really feel confident enough to trust him for 6 months apart.

 

It's almost like you are "forcing" yourself to be happy in something you really aren't. Don't sell yourself short, don't settle.

[SxcLady]

Has he made some new friends? If not then I doubt hed be cheating. Maybe he has met some new friends but doesnt want anyone in the "family" to know about his new friends... just a thought. Not to scare you or anything but i have had the same problem before and ... it turned out he was cheating on me for 4months. Find out asap. I know he is gonna think you dont trust him but do you want him to stuff you around? are you close with his brothers and sisters?

[SxcLady]

ok raykays response wasnt there when i started typing ... and now reading that, id say she is right!

[girl_83]

are you close with his brothers and sisters?

 

No i've only spoken to them on one or two occasions. Im becoming so paranoid about everything im starting to make myself sick.

[SxcLady]

If what raykay says is true, and all that has been going on during this relationship is you being stressed and forcing yourself to be happy, then i would say find out asap ... do u go to his house or he to yours?

[girl_83]

If what raykay says is true, and all that has been going on during this relationship is you being stressed and forcing yourself to be happy, then i would say find out asap ... do u go to his house or he to yours?

 

He comes to my house, he has invited me over a few times but i get too shy to go there. Im more on the shy quiet side so i always invite him to mine. I havnt seen him in a while though, hes been sick so its been almost 2 weeks without us seeing eachother.

[SxcLady]

next time you see him, i know its being like sneaky and stuff but this is how i found out about mine. If you can ... get a hold of his phone. Tell him you are playing games or something ... check his messages, received calls, missed calls and dialled numbers!!!

 

I know its going against him in a way. But how else are you going to find out. He is obviously not going to just tell you!

[arwen]

Girl, I think RayKay has really made some good points. I also read your topic about him going to academy for 6 months, and how this freaks you out. I think your gut is telling you this relationship isn't right, and you really want to hold on to him, only making yourself unhappier every day.

 

I would seriously consider stepping out of the relationship if it causes you to be this unhappy. It's not worth your sorrow! Relationships are not meant to aggravate your life, they should be the shiny part of your days (with a few exceptions from time to time, of course, but that's natural).

 

Just think about it. What is it that makes you want to stay with him? Do you feel he loves you, or that you really love him? Or are you scared to be alone?

 

Ilse

[girl_83]

Girl, I think RayKay has really made some good points.

 

Just think about it. What is it that makes you want to stay with him? Do you feel he loves you, or that you really love him? Or are you scared to be alone? Ilse

 

I know, RayKay makes some really good points and advice in all her posts.

 

NO i truly do love him, i swear i would give up anything for this guy. Im not scared of being alone, i know there are other guys out there besides him and being single is less of a heartache and a less of a headache and so on, but i dont want anyone else. Hes the one i've got attached closely to my heart, i know i sound really stupid saying this but i dont ever want to let him go, not unless he lets me go, even then i'll put up a fight just so i can keep him a little longer. Im just so scared because i dont want to lose him, im scared my obsession, insecurity and paranoia will drive him away. Sometimes i dont know if its my gut instict or just me being paranoid. I know my sisters always tell me to relax a bit and enjoy the relationship, im always trying to find out bad things, no idea why.

 

I just want to love him like a normal person, but i cant..

[TheLegend]

Most of those pre-paid calling cards have "hidden" charges, like when a call's established, they charge a "connection" fee, for every call that's made, like if he calls you once but for 30 minutes, is more efficient then calling 30 times but 1 minutes each.. so it depends how many times he called you, if you have a voice message box, everytime he connects to those, the connection fee applies, even if you don't pick up.

[SxcLady]

Connection fee doesnt apply if you are both with optus! ... Unless you are out of minutes.

[girl_83]

Connection fee doesnt apply if you are both with optus! ... Unless you are out of minutes.

 

yeh both with optus aswell. I think im just going to have to do what you said and check in his phone, even though its not a good thing for me to do i guess it can be the only way i may know the truth.

[agent1607307371]

A lot of your posts here make it seem as though you could be paranoid. You put a great deal of energy into this guy and worrying about him not wanting to be with you. But still, get it checked out. Thats a huge amount of calls of such a small space of time.

 

His response to you was either out of guilt or out of anticipating your mindset.

[SxcLady]

If your going to do it ... let us know how it goes ... if i had other ideas i would let you know but i dont so ... let us know.

 

GoodLuck,

Love SL.

[Diggitydave]

i didn't even read what you wrote but the answer to "should i be paranoid" is always no.

[Tropigal30]

next time you see him, i know its being like sneaky and stuff but this is how i found out about mine. If you can ... get a hold of his phone. Tell him you are playing games or something ... check his messages, received calls, missed calls and dialled numbers!!!

 

I know its going against him in a way. But how else are you going to find out. He is obviously not going to just tell you!

 

Wow ! Huge invasion of privacy and breach of trust ! You are establishing a very bad pattern if you start a relationship this way.

 

Maybe he picked up on a doubting vibe from you ...

 

Then straight away i went silent and he said to me "my mother and brothers use my phone to make calls and that he's not cheating on me" I said to him i didnt say anything about you cheating and his response was 'i know you were thinking it'

 

Men do actually sometimes use intuition ! and your "doubting silence" prompted the explanation.

 

Why would he tell you he'd used 300 minutes in 4 days if he was cheating on you ????

[SxcLady]

Tropigal30 ... i was just saying what i had to do to find out. I refused to believe there was someone else, until he forgot about the messages in his phone, and left his phone at home for the day when he went to work. I looked in it and there were all these messages from him to other girls saying stuff like, "hey baby girl how are you doing? I will be over there after work, _____(my name) thinks im working till 7." Now how after that message could i not look to see if there was more. According to her and his work, he finished at 1pm. In my opinion, I could never find another way to go around it without looking at his phone. My bf at the time, was going through $250 credit in 3days! he was only calling me on the way home from "work" to let me know hed be there soon.

 

Come up with a way to find out without it being an ivasion of privacy. i dont see it as a bad thing. The only thing they can be jealous about is my mate in melbourne. Everyone knows him as melbourne michael. And really they know there is nothing wrong with me n michael. We are like brother and sister!

[Momene]

Paranoid, NO, suspicious and concerned, YES.

 

You need explanations and NOW!