Best apology?

[itsallgrand]

I know this sounds stupid, but what the heck.

 

I've never been good at apologizing, and it is coming time where I learnt.

I always seem to muss up and frankly, I am surprised that people have been so kind and gracious to accept so far.

 

So my question is:

 

What to do to make the most of an apology?

What NOT to do?

 

thanks

[blueangel]

Be sincere in releasing your feelings- find the truth behind your actions or slipups and then just bring them out. Don't blame. Just admit. That's all apologizing is. It's up to THEM to forgive you. Apologizing yourself doesnt completely make that decision so just do the best you can. Good luck

[chai714]

To apologize effectively:

 

1) Do it right away. Do not wait. The longer you wait, the less effective it becomes.

 

2) Do it once. You've said it, now show it by not repeating the behavior in which you're sorry for.

 

3) Be hard on yourself. Say something like, "I'm the biggest jerk on the planet" or other harsh remark. If you're harder on yourself then the person you're apologizing to, they might even defend you.

[itsallgrand]

ooo this is good. Thank you.

 

Already I'm seeing some spots I could improve on.

[Scout]

I would also add, don't dilute your apology with a defense/justification for why you did whatever you did you're apologizing for. Simply apologize for how your actions hurt that person. It may lead to more conversation on their part where they ask you why you did what you did. You can give the reasons, but at the same time, follow that up with how you wish you'd chosen a different course of action, one that wasn't so hurtful.

[itsallgrand]

Scout...

ouch! that means digging deep and actually feeling regret

 

thanks for the help!

[Scout]

lol, unfortunately I had to do some digging myself last week. Thus, my advice was based on very personal - and very recent - experience.

[Jjasonn28]

LOL....cliffnotes for an apology? How many mistakes DO you make???

 

Hehe. j/k

[Jjasonn28]

Oh, and my advice?? Look into their eyes, and be sincere. Mean what you say, and understand why you are saying it.

[iamteddybearfeelmecuddle]

I inadvertently did something wrong recently too, because i did not have the facts. When i realized it, i felt pretty bad, but believed it was most likely too late to rectify. Nonetheless i let the person know that i now understood, and wished the person well.

[itsallgrand]

thank you so much. Seriously. I can't believe it; I should have asked this question before!

 

I had an apology to make today. Not a huge deal, but enough that my stomach was tight thinking about it.

 

It went very well. I had to do it by phone because the person is not close: and I wanted to act right away, like you advised.

I had to bite my tongue not to justify my mistake when further questions were asked (in an angry hurt voice, you know the one).

But I remembered.

I followed up by admitting where I was wrong, and how I will do differently next time. In exact terms.

 

I think it went wonderfully. And I feel great! Much better than usual.

 

 

[iamteddybearfeelmecuddle]

That's great! you did the right thing. it is very hard to do that i know!

 

A while back a friend of mine did something that was pretty uncool. I let her know, and then I just stopped taking her phone calls...for like a few months (I figured what she did was pretty inexusable, and would do better off with out). So after 2 or 3 months she left a couple of apologetic voicemails for me, saying she'll never do that again. Honestly I appreciated the apology it did seem pretty sincere, and things were fine after that. I guess sometimes we all have to suck it up sometimes and put things right!

[itsallgrand]

Thanks for the support, iamteddybear

[Scout]

Hey, well done itsallgrand! A hard thing to do, but it sounds like you did it well and with true class.

 

Now, give yourself a deserved pat on the back.