setback and progress at once

[jman311]

Ok just some ramblings for a Wednesday morning...

 

Yesterday was my ex's birthday. I told myself time and time and time again I wouldn't break NC and contact her, that she didn't deserve a "Happy Birthday" from me, but for all that determination I still had that brief moment of weakness (hopefulness?) and decided to call her. Don't you hate that! Why is it so easy to do that? Guess I also didn't want her to think I was purposely not calling her on her b-day, stupid I know. Ughh!

 

Anyhow, we hadn't spoken to each other in a few weeks before that, and I tried to keep it brief and not get too involved in a conversation, but it turned out we talked a little bit. Well, mostly she talked, I listened. As soon as I offered up some bit of conversation on me she basically cut me off and said she had to go. Her tone was not all too kind/friendly either. Without getting into the history or details, she has been a total yo-yo with me ... so I actually wasn't even really surprised.

 

I remember a month or so ago hearing the song "Please Let Me Get What I Want" (a most beautiful song, by The Smiths). I remembered it made me cry a little, and I had thought to myself at the time, please, oh please let me have her back. Well, this morning, the same song came up on my iPod on the way to work, and this time I felt ... please, please let me get over her, please let me stop thinking about her. Still hurts but I think that's a good sign.

 

Anyhow no point really, just felt like typing I guess...

 

J

[robowarrior]

I always wonder where the 'on/off' button is in a human being, i gues its only human that you broke off non seeing, anyway your acting like a yo yo too by coming back to her at the phone , and hearing her voice again. So she hasn't got it from a stranger.

[coldheart]

Funny you mention this because yesterday was my ex's birthday as well. Good thing I clocked out of the "significant day-obvservation mode" ever since our "would be" 2-year anniversary came and went a few weeks ago. I hope to eventually forget these days. 5 weeks NC and going strong. i am proud of my efforts, despite loving and missing my ex as much as I do...

 

-CH

[jman311]

Good thing I clocked out of the "significant day-obvservation mode" ever since our "would be" 2-year anniversary came and went a few weeks ago.

 

Yeah, I have been trying to do that. Still her b-day has been on mind for months. I had started preparing her intended gift for her months ago, before we even broke up. I'm happy it's over with now so I can stop thinking about it.

[deejay74]

I remember a month or so ago hearing the song "Please Let Me Get What I Want" (a most beautiful song, by The Smiths). I remembered it made me cry a little, and I had thought to myself at the time, please, oh please let me have her back. Well, this morning, the same song came up on my iPod on the way to work, and this time I felt ... please, please let me get over her, please let me stop thinking about her. Still hurts but I think that's a good sign.

 

Anyhow no point really, just felt like typing I guess...

 

J

 

you have great taste in music!! i can't even listen to the smiths right now, even after 3.5 months since the break up. especially the song "there is a light, that never goes out" - we both loved that song and it's still hard for me to hear it.

 

same goes for the postal service's song "such great heights". we were in new orleans where she's from back in august and i met her entire family, got kinda close with my ex (this was after we first started going out) and left the day Katrina hit. it still kinda chokes me up to hear it.

[jman311]

you have great taste in music!! i can't even listen to the smiths right now, even after 3.5 months since the break up. especially the song "there is a light, that never goes out" - we both loved that song and it's still hard for me to hear it.

 

same goes for the postal service's song "such great heights". we were in new orleans where she's from back in august and i met her entire family, got kinda close with my ex (this was after we first started going out) and left the day Katrina hit. it still kinda chokes me up to hear it.

 

Oh man, you hit a soft spot. I can't BEAR to hear the Postal Service, period, and haven't been able to since the break up. If it comes up on my iPod or my PC I have to hit ffwd less I'd probably start balling my eyes out. She introduced me to them, I have a lot of memories being with her hearing them ... we used to quote this verse to each other, we'd call each other "puzzle pieces":

 

I am thinking it's a sign

that the freckles in our eyes are mirror images

and when we kiss they're perfectly aligned

And I have to speculate

that God himself did make

us into corresponding shapes

like puzzle pieces from the clay

 

Oh man, I feel like crying now just reading that.

 

The Smiths are also pretty rough, but not so specific to the breakup. Some of it I can handle, some I can't. "There is a light" is beautiful, but yeah, I doubt I could hear that. A lot of music I have to skip over.

[deejay74]

I am thinking it's a sign

that the freckles in our eyes are mirror images

and when we kiss they're perfectly aligned

And I have to speculate

that God himself did make

us into corresponding shapes

like puzzle pieces from the clay

 

Oh man, I feel like crying now just reading that.

 

me too. reading the lyrics i can hear the song and still remember vividly our time spent in new orleans. ugh, my that hit hard!

[coldheart]

[jman311]

Believe it or not I have just decided when I get home I'm gonna listen to "Such Great Heights". I'm pretty much guaranteed to cry but for some reason I think it might help ... I don't want to fear hearing it anymore.

[deejay74]

Believe it or not I have just decided when I get home I'm gonna listen to "Such Great Heights". I'm pretty much guaranteed to cry but for some reason I think it might help ... I don't want to fear hearing it anymore.

 

hmm, this sounds like a good idea, i may try it myself but i am so tired of feeling sad.

 

funny story - about a few weeks after the break up, there was a party here at work in which alcohol was being served. needless to say, i got a little typsy and then "such great heights" came on, i almost lost it in front of my coworkers. it was kind of embarrassing.

 

i heard this song the other day in a bar and it didn't affect me as much as i thought, probably because i was in public but i am pretty sure i would tear up if i heard it alone at home.

 

good luck.