How often to touch base on a girl before or between dates?

[Luke Skywalker]

If you really like a girl, and you are not ready to set up a date with her right away, what is the usual time one could wait before talking with her without losing her? How do you hold a girl to show you are still interested in her, despite being unable to set a date up, in perhaps months or weeks? How often should you keep touch with a girl to maintain this interest?

 

To allow background on where I'm coming from, and what's I'm talking about, I will disclose the following:

 

In the past, I remember, someone had called me to say 'hi', and I told her I would call her back later as I was on the other line. I slept on it and a few weeks past. She changed her number when I called.

 

Now, there is this new girl that I meet online, who claimed for the two past cosecutive weeks she was too busy to go out with me, despite the fact she insisted that she wants to go out with me, but just has scheduling issues.

 

This week I'm busy, and I'm keeping my messenger off, or may not talk to her when she is online until I'm ready to go out. I intend to sleep on it (not call her, or messanger her if online) until I'm less busy, of course, but I cant help remembering that incident when someone's number was changed. I guess it's in the back of my mind that her cell phone number or e-mail address could change if I do not keep in touch. This occurred a year ago.

[missbrittanyy]

i dont know if a guy went a couple weeks with out talking to me i'd probably lose interest.. out of sight out of mind..

[Luke Skywalker]

So, as long as there is some form of contact, within 2 weeks, if there is an intent to date, then that 'should' be ok to protect a turn-off based time itself.

 

The last time I communicated with the subject girl was on Saturday. I took off my messenger on Sunday, Monday and most part of today. So, that is really 3 days, and doesn't seem to be an issue to that extent of time.

 

However, should the communication in itself reflect an intent to date? That is a different type of communication than just touching base or small talk. If you are really busy, then you have to maintain you are still interested in seeing her, but are really busy, so you cant really ask her out until you get more free time? Does that information have to be volunteered in a proper case?

[hosswhispra]

If you are really busy, then you have to maintain you are still interested in seeing her, but are really busy, so you cant really ask her out until you get more free time? Does that information have to be volunteered in a proper case?

 

When you communicate be honest that you're busy but you still want to make plans to see her--and then make those plans---and stick to them. On the otherhand, if you're too busy you may need to take a break from dating until the really busy time in your life decreases.

[Luke Skywalker]

Thanks everyone for the feedback. It seems some real head-way is being made here.

 

Next time she is online, and I'm communicating with her then I'll let her know.

 

I'll keep my messenger on, at least when I'm online, and will check up periodically to see if she is online herself. I dont know if this matter is urgent enough to leave an email message, or leave a cell phone message at this time. However, the previous poster indicated the next time we talk online, that is how to bring it up, or normally bring it up, so I guess that closes this thread.

[heloladies21]

No, even just once every two weeks is way too long. She'll get the idea that you're not interested and will lose interest in you. You should talk a lot more often than that. Just communicate to keep the lines of commnication open, even without asking her out. It'll help you develop rapport with her as well. Put your messenger back on and talk to her when you want to talk to her. Let her do the same. Being scarce won't help you by increasing you value contrary to common belief. And you don't need to keep reminding her that you'd like to get together but can't. When you see an oppertunity to set something up, then bring it up.

[shyanne]

How do you hold a girl to show you are still interested in her, In the past, I remember, someone had called me to say 'hi', and I told her I would call her back later as I was on the other line. I slept on it and a few weeks past. She changed her number when I called.

lol lol lol that's not how. if your interested....let her know

[SnoGirl42]

don't play games. but don't call her obsessively either. If you wait two weeks honestly I would lose interest even within a week. I just figure from past experience that when a guy is really interested he will call at least every two days or so and try to make plans with me early in the week for that weekend. good luck!

[SnoGirl42]

one more thing...speaking of playing games lol sometimes to be nice because i felt bad for turning a guy down so i would make excuses and always seem busy when i really wasn't. So just be careful if she's doing this conistently i say for three weeks in a row i would move on...

[monsieur]

you realize that makes you very NOT nice, is that the karma you want

 

honesty is nice, making excuses that are just a veiled lie is not nice

[SnoGirl42]

i USED to do that. and believe me I got paid back. but i was just letting him know that is what the girl he's interested could be doing...

[iamteddybearfeelmecuddle]

I don't know luke it sounds like your taking too much time. either you want to date or you don't you know. Are you calling this new girl at the last minute to get a date? if so, that may be why she already has plans by the time you call. But I think if you do want to start something with someone, you should just either do it, or don't. Halfway is what it sounds like you've been doing, and it's no wonder the girl would lose interest.

[Luke Skywalker]

one more thing...speaking of playing games lol sometimes to be nice because i felt bad for turning a guy down so i would make excuses and always seem busy when i really wasn't. So just be careful if she's doing this conistently i say for three weeks in a row i would move on...

 

She did show up on a first date and seemed cool to having a second date.

 

The thing is, instead of asking her out somewhere this third week, I got busy myself, so I'm unable to actually set something up or even test her on that because if she calls the bluff, then I cant say I was just testing her and am really busy myself.

 

However, I know what you are talking about because that did happen once before, and as a result I have gotten a bit more assertive about that. If a girl is playing games, usually, I just challenge her to be honest about her intentions, which I have already done in two occasions with this girl, and both times she has insisted that she is really busy, and she intends to continue to go out with me. What am I going to do, tell her she is lying and blow everything up?

[Luke Skywalker]

I don't know luke it sounds like your taking too much time. either you want to date or you don't you know. Are you calling this new girl at the last minute to get a date? if so, that may be why she already has plans by the time you call. But I think if you do want to start something with someone, you should just either do it, or don't. Halfway is what it sounds like you've been doing, and it's no wonder the girl would lose interest.

 

No, I'm calling weeks in advance to set up dates, at least for the past couple of weeks. This last week here, I did not bring it up, although I touched base with her on Saturday. The fact of the matter is this week I'm busy myself.

[Luke Skywalker]

Ok, so I leave my messenger on whenever I'm online, or periodically during the day check into it. Not sure if I should use the cell phone, but will keep with the messenger for now.

 

Thanks everyone for your feedback.

[iamteddybearfeelmecuddle]

Well first you should make up your mind what your goal is, and Good luck!

[heloladies21]

Use your cell phone as well. Talking is actually better than messenger. Call when you want to talk about anything. And try not to set up dates that far in advance because those kinds of plans usually fall through. It's different than setting up a business meeting or getting you cable installed. Try and set things up for the weekend max, or the next day, or even that very instant.

[Luke Skywalker]

Use your cell phone as well. Talking is actually better than messenger. Call when you want to talk about anything. And try not to set up dates that far in advance because those kinds of plans usually fall through. It's different than setting up a business meeting or getting you cable installed. Try and set things up for the weekend max, or the next day, or even that very instant.

 

But, I'm a shy person and actually dont like talking that much, which is why this matter is being posted on dating and shy people. I feel ackward going on the cell phone. Suppose I get her answering machine?

 

Anyway, I"m leaving the messenger on, at least, whenever I'm online.

[iamteddybearfeelmecuddle]

Use your cell phone as well. Talking is actually better than messenger. Call when you want to talk about anything. And try not to set up dates that far in advance because those kinds of plans usually fall through. It's different than setting up a business meeting or getting you cable installed. Try and set things up for the weekend max, or the next day, or even that very instant.

 

I do agree about the phone calling part, but it shows more respect for her if you give her a little notice before a date. It's just common courtesy that anyone would like.

[Luke Skywalker]

I see, the way I'm ranting on about her and the instatant messenger stuff, I may as well use the cell phone. But I dont know - I thought the instant messenger was better if you are a shy type.

[heloladies21]

Being shy is something you can work at and eventually get over and it'll help you tons with girls. Messenger can be good at times, but a computer screen is not an exact substitute for your voice, or even better being there physically talking ot her.

 

If you get her answering machine, you can leave a message and she'll call you back.

[iamteddybearfeelmecuddle]

helo is right, you can get the tone of voice and meaning much better with a phone or in person, it's not so impersonal.

[monsieur]

I am much better on text or email then on the phone, I get flustered too easily when talking and my mind will actually go completely blank, and silence will ensue and I can't even put a thought together, and then nerves get to me because of it..... with texting and emailing at least I can relax and think about what I want to say and edit and make it perfect to get accross my points so much better. The thought of phone calls mostly scares me.

[Dating Coach]

I am much better on text or email then on the phone, I get flustered too easily when talking and my mind will actually go completely blank, and silence will ensue and I can't even put a thought together, and then nerves get to me because of it..... with texting and emailing at least I can relax and think about what I want to say and edit and make it perfect to get accross my points so much better. The thought of phone calls mostly scares me.

 

monsieur, do you think this came easy to everyone? I was the same way! I would get flustered, I tried to plan out what to say and crap (which never worked) etc. It was bad.

 

But you know what? Being able to converse with someone IS a skill. Like any skill, it takes PRACTICE. If you keep hiding your weaknesses instead of putting them out there to improve upon, you may never succeed. Cut the IM email crap and start trying to converse more.

 

Better yet, get your crush on here so I can talk to her. She needs to know how bad you have it for her so we can get her to start helping you get past this phase.

[Luke Skywalker]

Ok, thanks for the feedback. She has not been online, so I did call and leave a message on her cell phone saying that I called to say 'hi', and that is it. Instant messenger will remain on in the time being in case she is online again.