How long before talk of serious commitment is normal?

[Belinda]

How long should it normally be before you discuss marriage and family?

Is there any set amount of time in which relationships should progress?

 

I never loved anyone as much as I love my current boyfriend, and though we've known each other for going on 2 years now, things worked out weird.

 

I remember a few months before I first met him, I was praying to God and his name came into my head for no reason (and Id never known anyone before him with that name). This scared me enough as it were, but then other odd things happened.

 

He'd never had a girlfriend before, and to his own admitance he never realised he loved me till I approached him, saying I felt that way about him.

I only approached him because he was being VERY affectionate (cuddles kisses on the cheeks everything, stuff he said he could never do with a girl before), and telling me he loves me and acting completely smitten, out of nowhere one day, and after being so extraverted with his feelings, he still didnt realise them. It just came out of nowhere.

 

Now after almost 3 weeks of dating, were both completely certain we always subconsciously had liked each other and that we were meant to be together. We just know we'll get married, I'm not talking think here either, we both KNOW.

And I've never felt like this before, it feels like Im finally complete, like I've found my other half.

 

But I can't help but look over everything that's happened and be a little shocked that our bonds happened so fast. I know we were friends for 2 years before this but it still blows me away.

 

I love it and I think its fantastic... but Im just curious, are we progressing in lightspeed compared to other couples?

 

Id be interested as to how long it generally takes before couples talk about marriage, and family?

 

Can you guys share you experiences with me?

 

I know my relationship looks too fast, but nothings ever felt so perfect. I would have told me to slow down before I met him, but I know this is exactly how things should be, for us anyway. I couldnt be more content with how things are happening if I tried.

[Scotcha]

I don't think three weeks is long enough to begin discussing the future. I've also learned to never judge your relationship until after the first fight.

 

I think it's wonderful that you're enjoying the beginning of your relationship but just keep in mind that the honeymoon period usually lasts about 3 or 4 months, sometimes a little longer. Take your time and enjoy yourself!

 

My boyfriend and I didn't begin talking about marriage until we'd been together for 14 months. It's something we both want in the future but neither one of us, or the relationship, is ready for engagement. Every relationship is different but I still don't believe that three weeks is long enough.

[Hope75]

I think it's wonderful that you are both feeling euphoric about the relationship, but try to keep in mind that this particular state is something that all relationships go through in the beginning, it's called the 'honeymoon' phase.

 

You've been friends for awhile which is definitely a plus, but again you have only been in a relationship for 3 weeks and you really don't know how each other will be in a relationship long term.

 

I'm also guessing he's around your age or 21- a bit young to be considering marriage so soon.

 

If things are going great that's wonderful, take it as it comes and really enjoy each other, but don't push marriage so fast. If it's meant to be, it will still be meant to be after a year, give it time to settle so that you can really see what being a couple long term is like.

 

I know that for me and for people I know, when we've jumped into talks like this so fast, things tend to fizzle over time and not work out, and then we felt silly for jumping the gun in the first place, when really we had no idea what being in a long term relationship with this person was like.

[passions1]

I agree 3 wks is not long enough to talk about very serious topics such as marriage/kids until something dramatic has happened b/w you 2 to confirm that you will be there for e/o even through the tough moments.

 

From my experience, of being w/ my bf for over a yr, I observed more through e/o's action to determine if I loved him, than with just words. Once you have met e/o's family, close friends & have any future plans together whether it be a long getaway together, then there is more room of comfort zone to discuss about marriage/kids. Usually my friends have told me after 2 yrs, you can figure out if you're really compatible w/ that person or not. However, I know some people who dated for less than a year or 6 months & knew that they were right for e/o & got married.

[annie24]

If it's meant to be, it will happen. no reason to rush things. I think it would be good to wait 1 year until you start talking serious. maybe 6 months.

 

If he's really "the one", then there is no need to jump into a committment. It will happen in time.

 

enjoy the relationship

[bobo85]

When you guys are in love. There is no time frame but i would say somewhere between 3 to 6 months. If you guys are young then probably 6 months or longer.

[Belinda]

Yeah we've agreed on that at least. As much as we talk about those things and do the two-way dreaming thing, were definatly not going to get engaged or even married until we've given it more time. We're not completely that unrealistic. And Im certain we will leave the decision for at least a year, then deal with it for certain then.

 

Ive had a relationship prior to this so that my basis of comparison, and if you check out my older threads you can tell it wasnt the most happy and healthy of relats. However it was probably around 8 months before we even started discussing the idea there, and most other couples I know havent even thought abut it. So Im not completely sold on the idea that every couple goes through this "phaze".

The main thing though, and this is the certainty here, is that I love him and he loves me. At the end of the day nothing else matters to me.

 

I'm just curious as to whats the norm ^^;

Im not going to be making any slap-dash decisions, I assure you.

[Belinda]

Thanks for the replies guys Il keep your advice in mind.

He's the best thing that's happened to me, so Im certain that given times things will work out. It's probably just a case of two day-dreamers caught up together, we can't help getting carried away with thoughts and ideas for the future. I really enjoy it.

 

But I will try and put things into perspective and try and just enjoy things the way they are now, cause that wont be hard at all ^___^

[mysteryman]

3 weeks is a little fast. I had a teacher who married his gf after meeting her 4 weeks before. But give it a little more time. If you move too fast you could be seeking a divorce.

[BillyJean714]

Belinda,

 

You story is very refreshing. Don't let anyone throw off your enthusiasm. In fact, if you *feel* this way about him, keep it to yourself for now and let that optimism ride.

 

The topic of commitment will come along when it's the appropriate time. I would be weary about people who tell you they want to marry you so soon. You never know. I had really horrible experiences in the past where someone would tell me that, but in the end, treated me the oppossite. It was a part of their game. Sounds like your bf doesn't have game, nor is he trying to. Sounds like you found a GREAT catch!

 

If you feel that strongly about him, focus on the quality of your time spent together. You are still in the honeymoon phase. Enjoy it while it lasts and don't let other people's advices taint you. Btw, the honeymoon phase doesn't have to die even when the relationship develops into something long-term.

 

Reason why I say this is because I have a friend who she met her husband when they were both only 15. Now, they're both 33, married for 11 years, together for 18. Isn't that a wonderful? Despite financial hardships they faced in the past, through THICK & THIN, they're still very madly in love with each other, even til today! And, they still get their bills paid. Yes! Love is just as important. For those whot think that love doesn't pay your bills, love is still part of the equation. There is no denying that.

 

Anyway, I'm so happy for you! Enjoy the relationship while it lasts and good luck! =)

[Shesa]

Wait to get engaged and be married. Love eachother hard now. If you truly KNOW you want to get married, you shouldn't feel the need to marry soon. (Because you KNOW you will anyway).