Women: Time to build your flirting skills.

[steelwool]

Smiling helps, but you HAVE to add to it. Like give a guy a compliment. "ya know you have some pretty eyes?" "hey, nice shirt. It really brings out your complexion." "cute people shouldn't be allowed to smoke." You have to be clever with it. Saying hi with a nice smile is good too. You never want to be completely direct. Only crazy people do that.

 

Guys go through that type of thing all the time. Life ain't easy. You have to make sure not to overcommit before you know where a guy stands. I can understand liking someone alot and wanting things to work out. We can't control what others do though. That's why I put whoever I'm interested in on probation. Yes that's right probation. I try my hardest not to get emotionally attached to them until I KNOW them. It takes time to get to know someone. Not two weeks and not two months.

[iamteddybearfeelmecuddle]

Smiling helps, but you HAVE to add to it. Like give a guy a compliment. "ya know you have some pretty eyes?" "hey, nice shirt. It really brings out your complexion." "cute people shouldn't be allowed to smoke." You have to be clever with it.

 

Really? I can't even imagine saying that to a guy as a manner of flirting with him. For that matter, I can't imagine a guy wanting a girl to say that to him as a manner of flirting with him. It's just hard to picture.

[steelwool]

Really? I can't even imagine saying that to a guy as a manner of flirting with him. For that matter, I can't imagine a guy wanting a girl to say that to him as a manner of flirting with him. It's just hard to picture.

After saying one of those lines a guy would know you find him attractive. You don't even have to say "I like you." That's the trick. Try it out if don't believe me. You sound scared. Don't be. You can say these things and keep it moving(walking). They will probaly follow you or try to start up a conversation.

[RayKay]

I absolutely agree with DN.

 

A woman can flirt in a way that makes the man of her attention feel like the most important person in the room, and not be overly obvious about it. That IS flirting. It is being open to further conversation and it is giving off many signals.

 

Also, remember people flirt with their body language - not just their words.

 

Example: when I first met my boyfriend I was definitely attracted and very into him. My flirting however consisted of listening, smiling, eye contact, casual touches on his arms, and being receptive to him casually touching me as well. I did not ever have to come out and say "hey, I'm interested in you"...he felt it because I showed him I was interested and focused on him.

[Twilight777]

and your reasons for this generalised and somewhat sexist belief are? (other than your personal observations)

 

Yes, it a generalized and sexist belief...but let's look at it realistically. I KNOW that there are guys out there that are picky...but are there really that many men out there who literally compile lists of the traits that they want in a woman and accept nothing less? There are numerous women who do!(unfortunately). Maybe it's just in the genetic make up of men and women, but I feel that most (not all) men would LOVE to date 100 girls, while most (again, not all) women wouldn't even want to go through dating 12 men in a year.

 

If I said that perhaps men have the ability to love the variety and differences in all women and tend to act on their capability to love more so than women do for men, would you still not like my comment? Because that's just another way of putting it.

[iamteddybearfeelmecuddle]

From my observations I would agree with twilight that it does seem that men, in general, are less picky.

[steelwool]

From my observations I would agree with twilight that it does seem that men, in general, are less picky.

Which is why I said earlier that your chances for success is alot higher than men. Understand that the key to get a guy to ask you out is to build up his confidence level. Like cov said before, it's difficult putting yourself out there to be judged. Most guys won't care about that if they know you're feel'n them. YOU have to put in some effort. Don't just walk by a fellow hoping he takes notice(I hate that). Make sure he takes notice. Being pretty will only get you so far. Eye contact is absolutely vital to your success. Practice on yourself in the mirror if you need to.

[iamteddybearfeelmecuddle]

If I like a guy and he doens't figure it out, lol, he is 3 feet thick!

[DN]

Yes, it a generalized and sexist belief...but let's look at it realistically. I KNOW that there are guys out there that are picky...but are there really that many men out there who literally compile lists of the traits that they want in a woman and accept nothing less? There are numerous women who do!(unfortunately). Maybe it's just in the genetic make up of men and women, but I feel that most (not all) men would LOVE to date 100 girls, while most (again, not all) women wouldn't even want to go through dating 12 men in a year.

 

If I said that perhaps men have the ability to love the variety and differences in all women and tend to act on their capability to love more so than women do for men, would you still not like my comment? Because that's just another way of putting it.

 

Nope - I just don't agree with it. Because otherwise we would not have so many posts on here from women asking why they can't get men to commit to them - or even get a date with one.

[Sexychiick16]

you want us to be obvious right? Give us an example....

[DN]

Already did - see my post above

[Twilight777]

Nope - I just don't agree with it. Because otherwise we would not have so many posts on here from women asking why they can't get men to commit to them - or even get a date with one.

 

That actually proves my point even more.... guys don't commit because they're not picky about who they date...they kind of have the ice-cream mentality "I should try each kind atleast once..." =) I think women are a bit more reserved and tend not to just go out with every guy that comes their way just to "try them out", they pick guys that they think they would really like...and then unfortunately fall head over heels for them. I would bet that the women who come on here who can't get a date are picky whether they acknowledge it or not. If they just expand their idea of who they would consider as worthy of date material...it'd be much easier to get a date.

[RayKay]

That actually proves my point even more.... guys don't commit because they're not picky about who they date...they kind of have the ice-cream mentality "I should try each kind atleast once..." =) I think women are a bit more reserved and tend not to just go out with every guy that comes their way just to "try them out", they pick guys that they think they would really like...and then unfortunately fall head over heels for them. I would bet that the women who come on here who can't get a date are picky whether they acknowledge it or not. If they just expand their idea of who they would consider as worthy of date material...it'd be much easier to get a date.

 

Plenty of men are indeed picky about whom they date, and don't commit precisely because they ARE picky and have not found the right one. When they do, they generally are pretty eager to commit.

 

Just as women shouldn't, men should not settle either. I see an awful lot of women whom tend to jump from relationship to relationship as well, and I see a lot of women whom aren't picky enough. I am not saying you need to be overly picky (ie she/he must be 6' tall, blond and blue eyed with at least $80,000 dollars in savings) but there is nothing wrong with having certain standards.

 

I think it is good to date, experience relationships and so on to find out more about yourself and your needs, but I certainly think that you should also be careful about also listening to your own needs to.

 

A list of "must haves, can't haves and nice-but-not-necessary to haves" is a good starting point just to figure out what you really need, for both sexes. It really does wonders honestly to help you have it written down exactly what you won't tolerate, and what you do need and want in a person.

 

My only real point here is that people can be found all along the spectrum, I don't think you can generalize either females or males as being pickier or less picky, when for every example you give, a counter-example can be found

[bleeding_heart18]

It is wayy hard to tell if a guy is interested or not

 

That is when and how I determine whether or not I will flirt or not...I don't just flirt with every guy, especially when i think they aren't the slight bit interested in me...

 

Should I be flirting with every guy I know? O r is this leading a person on?

[steelwool]

you want us to be obvious right? Give us an example....

Say you're walking north and a guy's walking towards you(south). Get directly in his line of vision. Make sure you get eye contact keep it with him and give a little smile. As you get closer, make your smile a little larger and say "hi". As you pass by him turn your head back and give him da da da da daaaaaaaa THE LOOK(look at him starting from his feet to his head then shy away). Never fails(unless he's shy or gay). Build up a guy's confidence and you can take your pick. Swoop! *female hawk's talons grasp onto entranced fella and flies away*

[steelwool]

It is wayy hard to tell if a guy is interested or not

 

That is when and how I determine whether or not I will flirt or not...I don't just flirt with every guy, especially when i think they aren't the slight bit interested in me...

 

Should I be flirting with every guy I know? O r is this leading a person on?

If you like him you can't lead him on. If you don't like him you shouldn't be flirting. I feel sorry for asian women. Those women are so scary. They have hard time even looking. Poor things.

[bleeding_heart18]

That is so extreme, not something i have ever tried,

 

ive came close to doing that in public, not at school though...i guess im not that extreme. Umm Ill try it, but just once and if i get a negative reaction, Ill feel like i took that risk for nothing...yikes

what a gamble!

 

Has a girl ever done this to you?

[DN]

That is so extreme, not something i have ever tried,

 

ive came close to doing that in public, not at school though...i guess im not that extreme. Umm Ill try it, but just once and if i get a negative reaction, Ill feel like i took that risk for nothing...yikes

what a gamble!

 

Has a girl ever done this to you?

 

Not as bad as the gamble that a guy has to take when he asks you out - and the feeling he gets when you say 'No'.

[steelwool]

That is so extreme, not something i have ever tried,

 

ive came close to doing that in public, not at school though...i guess im not that extreme. Umm Ill try it, but just once and if i get a negative reaction, Ill feel like i took that risk for nothing...yikes

what a gamble!

 

Has a girl ever done this to you?

It's happened a couple of times. You have to keep walking and don't stop. That way if anything goes wrong it'll just look like you have alot of confidence and don't really care. Never stop smiling. If you do, that's when he'll realize you're scared. Don't be scurred

[corvidae]

You seem like a nice person, so I wish you all the best, and I hope you don't think I'm being argumentative here, but I think the problem is that well...let me give you an example. There are lots of articles on the net telling you the 'signals' a woman uses to attract a man. However, most, if not all, those 'signals' are things women do anyway. Which is why us men often think you're interested when you're not. Are you smiling at us because we said something funny? Or does it mean more? You know the 'intent' of all your actions inside your own heads, but ask yourself if you act the SAME when you're not interested. If the only difference between how you act when you're interested and when you're not interested is the intent of the action, then that isn't perceivable from an outside perspective. In other words, I've had women give off ALL the signals that should indicate they were interested; but they weren't. It's just that they were being friendly.

 

 

DN,

I liked your post on watching that woman at the party.

 

There was a key point in there that really struck me: acknowledgement.

When I (try) to flirt with someone, I go out of my way to address the person and make sure they know I see them,hear them, and am interested in what they have to say.

I might hold their gaze longer than usual. I might ask more questions. I'll use their first name a lot.

 

The funny thing is, I seem to do my best flirting when I'm not thinking about it.

It's really not rocket science.

When I'm relaxed and having fun, I think I exude that 'interested' air. Well, at least that's when I've had the best success!

 

[corvidae]

If I like a guy and he doens't figure it out, lol, he is 3 feet thick!

 

Too many women have that attitude. Remember that reading a person is difficult (see my above post). YOU know what you mean, but from an objective perspective there could be any number of explanations for your behaviour.

[Kevin T]

There are lots of articles on the net telling you the 'signals' a woman uses to attract a man. However, most, if not all, those 'signals' are things women do anyway. Which is why us men often think you're interested when you're not. Are you smiling at us because we said something funny? Or does it mean more? You know the 'intent' of all your actions inside your own heads, but ask yourself if you act the SAME when you're not interested. If the only difference between how you act when you're interested and when you're not interested is the intent of the action, then that isn't perceivable from an outside perspective. In other words, I've had women give off ALL the signals that should indicate they were interested; but they weren't. It's just that they were being friendly.

 

Exactly. You can't rely on signals. Why?

 

Because there are NO universal cues, gestures, signals, etc. that any females use to indicate sexual interest in males. None. There may be a lot of similarities since a large portion of today's female reads Cosmo (which I suspect they do), telling you 101 ways to drive a man crazy with your nail-polish (gimme a break! lmao). But the truth is, no one is born with a certain pattern of responses to an attractive member of the opposite sex. It's all learned through experience, and since we all experience difference things in life, not every female (or male) will have the exact same body language, gestures, etc. that shows interest.

 

Some females flirt to show interest, some because they are overtly friendly and others, because they are flirts who need to be the centre of attention 24/7. Some people, of both genders, simply like the ego-stroking that comes with having members of the opposite sex think you're "hot."

[itsallgrand]

I think that comes down to: some women are teases and merciless flirts!

And some men are too.

 

By watching the woman in general in different settings you can get an idea if she is one of these or not.

 

Truly effective flirting, I think, is directed at just one person. I mean: the level of contact and effort will be amped up enough notches that you WILL notice.

 

Some folks seem to enjoy flirting just for the sake of flirting, ego strokes, having lots of guys/girls to choose from or admire them whathaveyou. But with enough observation of how they act around other people, most of the time their true colours shine through.

 

Sometimes flirting hurts...I find. If there's no emotion behind it and it's just a superficial ploy or habit.

.....pretty much I'm just rambling on now.....lol.

 

BTW: didn't find you argumentative at all. IF you were directing that post at me even!

[Sexychiick16]

If a person likes you they will flirt

 

even if the person has a girlfriend/boyfriend...

 

you have a chance with the person who flirts with you...

they are oviously going out of there way to talk to you.

 

for example...Bob comes up to Sue in the hallway on the way to his next class, he talks to her for a little bit, sue talks back, he says see ya later, she smiles and heads the opposit direction of bob....

 

This is even flirting in a sense because he recognizes sue, sue recognizes Bob and they have a mutual connection...

 

.........................................................................................

 

They may only like you a little bit, but if they are going out of there way to convers with you, think of it as a good thing.

 

example of a person liking you just a little bit Vs a lot...

 

Sue and Bob are sitting in class, they talk a little bit like hey, hey how are you doin...? she or he responds with good...right there

 

they have a chance with eachother even though its just a little bit of talking...

 

Say sue and bob are at the same party, Sue comes up to Bobn or vise versa, usually about 50/50 chance, Bob will take the anniciative to get to know her better...They hit it off, and they most likely will be on a diff level and will most likely get asked to go out sometime, whether its chillin at there house or outside of their house.

 

Ive been realizing this more and more as I am a senior and this has

happened more than one...

 

I know a guy, we only talk some, and we end up being friends by association of the same party or what not...

[Karibo]

I think alot of women are scared to be more forward incase they get labelled as being desperate or worse, a man-eater! Men and women are very ficle when it comes to dating - If people are too passive people complain that they aren't forward enough, if men/women are too forward then some might label them players/easy.