Sex with the ex

[Karibo]

How many people have had regular sex with their ex's? Did it work out ok, or did one or both of you become too attatched again?

 

I'm considering having sex with my ex, but I don't know if we can handle it, but I really want him and he seems to want me!

 

I mean we hurt each other pretty bad, but have been split up for 1.5 years and both still have a lot of sexual chemistry (we haven't touched each other for 1.5 years either).

 

I know a full-blown relationship wouldn't work, and i don't think either of us are looking for something too serious, but what if we start to have feelings for each other again?

 

It just seems to fit - neither of us want anything serious, and we are both extremely attracted to each other still and want to have sex with each other.

[traz]

I've had sex with my ex and quickly became way too attached. I don't recommend it unless you know you're strong enough not to want more, or can deal with him becoming too attached.

[Boricua7]

I don't think its a good idea. Especially if a) you become to attached and/or b) you can handle it if he gets with someone else.

[annie24]

you seem to be hurting too much over the more recent breakup with him last month. plus he's on the other side of the atlantic ocean. how will you have sex with him???

[byates5637]

Hey i'm in a similar situation

 

Yesterday my ex pleasured me. First time in 2 months...I really don't know if it is a good idea...but i'm feeling pretty good about it so far.

 

Everyone else on here will probly tell you it is a bad idea.

 

But as long as you are not interested in anyone else, and he isn't either, and you know this for sure, i don't see any harm.

[Karibo]

annie24, we split up a year and a half ago and he lives down the road lol!

[bobo85]

Hey i'm in a similar situation

 

Yesterday my ex pleasured me. First time in 2 months...I really don't know if it is a good idea...but i'm feeling pretty good about it so far.

 

Everyone else on here will probly tell you it is a bad idea.

 

But as long as you are not interested in anyone else, and he isn't either, and you know this for sure, i don't see any harm.

 

But what happens when one of you wants to see someone else? Then its going to be like a breakup all over again. Is the pleasure worth the pain?

 

Bottom line: make sure its purely physical and that there are no emotional attatchments or else you are going to get hurt again.

[Boricua7]

Just be careful. I don't see why not if you both don't have your feelings invested elsewhere. But if you wouldn't be able to handle it if he were interested in someone else and if you know in your heart that you still have feelings for him that are strong, I wouldn't do it if I were you.

[annie24]

annie24, we split up a year and a half ago and he lives down the road lol!

 

LOL - sorry! I just woke up from a nap - I am confused right now! Sorry.

 

Well, are you really over him? Be honest with yourself. If he met someone tomorrow, would you be ok with that, and happy for him? That's how "friends with benefits" should be.

[Karibo]

Well we were knid of in an open relationship when we were together anyway, and neither of us seemed too bothered when we knew the other had been with someone else.

[annie24]

Ok, I looked at a previous thread of yours and this is what you said:

 

 

 

I love to think of him and love the fact that he thinks about me too, maybe because then it feels as if he isn't out of my life, because deep down i still want him in it. Just gets to me at times because it is very intense, like the other night.

 

How do I get over him? Why am i still thinking about him so much? I wish I could just truly be over him, but I know I can't force myself to be just like that, because it doesn't work that way.

 

It's hurting, and everytime I bump into him, I can see it's hurting him too.

 

I don't know if sex with him is going to make you feel better. I think you need to heal and work on moving on. Friends with benefits won't lead to a relationship that you want. I don't think you are being honest with yourself when you say you are not looking for a relationship.

[Jeremyg77]

i did it and my ex didnt become anymore attacthed and i did and i just hurt myself again so i wouldnt

[Karibo]

I don't know what it is. It's like I don't want to be with him in a relationship, but I still want him in my life and I've fantasised about having sex with him soooo much since we split. Its like I do wanna be friends, but he's sooo attractive at the same time.

[annie24]

I'm just worried that you'll have sex and get very attached to him, even more so than you already are. Maybe you don't want a relationship from him, but you certainly want a lot of his attention. Seriously - how would you feel if you two were bed-buddies, and he met the girl of his dreams and dropped you? I'm afraid that you'd get really really hurt. Bed buddies isn't good if one person (you) is more serious than the other.

[Karibo]

I know what you mean. Why do we want so much attention from each other? I think you've summed it up perfectly.

[Karibo]

I think it's because when we first started seeing each other we both had low self-esteem. I was like 'how can this amazingly gorgeous guy fancy me?' and he was the same - he was like 'You could have anyone in this room, why do you want me?' I think that is why we might be addicted to each other - we both make each other feel sexy! Lol I think we are just both a confidence boost for each other.

[annie24]

Oh... I've been there myself. *sigh* I finally got myself out of that situation - the "relationship" with my "friend" wasn't going anywhere and it was only hurting me. I just finally said "enough is enough."

 

Maybe you just have to wake up one day and finally be bored of not having the type of relationship with him that you'd like.

[dontknowwhattodo]

I did it with two ex's. With the first ex, I *was used* for *4 years long*. It was a very painful experience. Once I found out that I was used, I moved to the other side of the world (literally) to cope that pain.

 

With another ex, we did it for 1 year. I became so attached but he didn't. I thought we were back together but if fact he he didn't feel that same.

 

THE BOTTOM LINE, DON'T DO IT.

[annie24]

Yeah - that's my story too. I became attached, he didn't. Actually, this happened with 2 guys (not at the same time! LOL) I was the one that got hurt. We liked each other as friends, I liked them as more, but they didn't want more with me. It hurts.

 

We just don't want you to learn the lesson the hard way, but sometimes you gotta learn your own lessons and do what feels right, you know? Doing that stuff with my exes felt right at the time.... but now, I know it wasn't the right decision. But, I've grown as a result from the experiences. I wouldn't do it again.

[Relationship Coach]

EX-SEX is a bad idea, don't do it! Too many times as the relationship is still fighting for it's last breath, ex-sex happens and screws everything up. To one partner, it's just sex, to the other partner it becomes an emotional virus with no cure! All ties need to be severed and you need to let go of this guy and this dream. Having sex only prevents you from healing and finding a real relationship, you are just setting yourself up to be used.

 

RC

[Scotcha]

I've done it. It was with someone I broke up with when I was 17. It happened when I was 19 and again when I was 21. We even joked for awhile that every two years we'd have a fling.

 

I broke up with him because I wasn't in love with him. I cared about him a lot, it just wasn't really there for me. We became friends and in times where we were both single we'd get together again.

 

Both times I would start to wonder about the possibility of getting back together. I don't know why, I know it wouldn't work and I'd never feel anything deep for him. I guess I'm just not much for casual sex. He never wanted to as he doesn't believe in second chances. Mostly it was just a blow to my ego and it wasn't really worth it in the end.

 

We're not as good of friends after the second time around. It just sort of made things awkward I guess. We're both in serious relationships and honestly it just doesn't feel right anymore hanging out with someone you had a relationship with and then hooked up with several times over the years.

 

I guess my point is this. Having sex with an ex can me nice. You both know each other and are comfortable with each other but there's an added thrill because it's "new" all over again. Be cautious though. It can get messy if one person begins to hope for more. Also, you said you want to have him in your life... Sometimes sex can keep someone out of it.

[Karibo]

I don't know. I think maybe he wants us to go back to the way we were before, where we were just in an open relationship because he was too scared to 'need' me so much. I know he'll say 'it's just sex' but I think really it will be more than that. Basically we aren't over each other completely after all this time!

 

I'm so confused about what I want!

[Karibo]

By the way, we haven't even discussed this together, we just started talking again after NC for a year. But everytime I've bumped into him, he has tried to initiate things again with me as if he wants our 'relationship' to start all over again.

 

And he randomly text me the other day saying, 'Who knows what the future might bring' (this was after we'd chatted a few days previous about how we are, what we're doing now etc.)

 

So it's kind of up in tha air at the mo. I'm just trying to figure out what to do.

[Karibo]

I've just told him that I can't hook up with him because I don't wanna get hurt because I don't feel as if the issues we had before are resolved. I've realised that deep down I do want him more than something casual. The only way I would get back with him is if he actually showed me he really wanted it to work, rather than just tell me that. Actions speak louder than words.

[annie24]

well done!!!! don't get hurt by him.