dont know

[gradle]

ok

i just got home. i got into a really bad car accident today. everyone's ok. it was my fault. but people said there was no way i should have been able to walk out of my car. my car's totalled.

after the accident i just went out with my friends, otherwise i was just going to come home and pout.

but since i've been home. all i can think about is my ex, j. which is stupid. i haven't talked to him in months. he lives all the way accross the country. and 2 mins after the accident, the guy i had been dating for awhile called me adn was really sweet. i felt too guilty for not loving him and i couldn't go out wiht him tonight. but we made plans for tomorrow. and all i see when i close my eyes is the car in front of me and the windhsield crackng the airbags. i didn't think i was ok, i wasn't sure i was even alive.

see, i'm stupid. why can't i love someone who's there for me? why do i go for someone who is so unavailable?

but all i coudl think was how much i missed him and his voice and what he woudl have said if he had found out. i know though. i have to stay strong. i have to.

im' sore all over and i know i should have just come home or even possibly gone to the hospital afterwards, but i just didn't want to think about it.

[melrich]

Sorry to hear about the car accident. Having been in one or two myself I know how much they can shake you up. And don't be surprised at how stiff and sore you will be tomorrow.

 

Probably natural to think about better times when you have an experience like that.

 

Stay strong.

[Heretic]

I'm truly sorry to hear about your crash, I'm glad you're okay and that you have people who are there for you.

 

Seriously though what's with car crashes and getting back together with your ex?

 

I was driving in the winter had a serious run in with a snowbank. My car was completely stuck (thankfully the damage was minor) but my ex was with me. She was pretty shaken up and the next thing I know we're in the back seat.

 

I made no sense to me AT ALL. It seemed like a knee-jerk reaction that I should cling to her when I'm in need and I think that might be the same with you.

 

It's not so much you're still in love (you may or may not be) but more the fact you've always went to j. when you had a problem and that behavior is resurfacing since you've had quite a scare. I wouldn't worry too much about it right now. I'd focus on trying to get through the trauma and look to your new b/f for support.

 

You never know, the more time you spend with him the more you might start to realize he's the one you should go to when you need support.

 

I hope this helps.

[ComputerGuy]

Best thing to do about the car is get straight back in. The longer you leave it the harder it will be to get back out there. I've been in a couple of car accidents in my life time - I rear ended someone who cut me off and I rolled a 4WD out doing some off-roading and from experience just accept it as you would any other accident like dropping a glass or breaking a window and just put it behind you.

 

As for your ex, it's normal to feel like that, its a bit of a shock to the system, but you know better and know what you have now and thats the important thing - you aren't letting yourself get caught up too much.

[itsallgrand]

gradle,

I hope you're feeling a little better.

 

Accidents and such have a way of shaking people up and going through intense emotions. Deaths, weddings, and other events do it too.

 

Try not to be too hard on yourself or worry too much about it. It will pass, I'm sure.

 

Did you ever notice that after accidents and funerals, people seem to get all 'crazy' and riled up? Some people turn to drink, some to someone's arms, some keep it inside.

 

I agree with Heretic - you were used to going to j. when you had a problem or needed support, so that old mechanism was sprung. It's okay.

 

Take care of yourself.

[RayKay]

Hey gradle,

 

That is scary - I have been in a bad car accident too, and the medics and witnesses were stunned we all walked away with minor injuries. It is indeed scary, and I have friends whom were not so lucky. It does make you go through a lot of emotions and reflect on things, completely normal.

 

Just give it time, and focus on the positive aspects of all of this, you were fortunate, you have someone whom cares about you, great friends, etc.

 

I suggest you get checked out though at the hospital or doctor, sometimes there are a lot of injuries that occur that you don't realize at first that can turn serious (like internal bleeds, perforations).