bf's comments on girls

[Flip_flop]

Hey guys,

 

I've been going out with my bf for almost 6 months now.. for the most part, it's been really great. He's very caring and affectionate, and let's me know that he appreciates me. Through it all, we've had a few rough patches, mostly due to my jealousy and insecurities. He just tends to comment a lot on other girls and their appearance, both behind my back and to my face. But lately, I've been having problems with the things he writes on his blog and his friends' blogs..

 

for example,

 

"nice shape boobs......

 

....

 

 

....

 

 

okay i'm done looking now.

 

i thought it was the new style of bikini

NOOOoooooOOOOOooooooOO!!

 

Would ladies like to try this new style of bikini just for me? ^_^"

 

 

 

After reading that, do you think I have cause to be upset? I don't want to make a mountain out of a molehill, but with exams coming up, I cannot afford to go through this distracting emotional turmoil. We've talked about his great fondness for girls (in general) before, and he knows my insecurities. I just don't want to waste more time feeling this way, and am thinking about breaking up..

 

what do you guys think? I would appreciate any comments, as I don't want to do something I regret.. thx

[coollady1957]

You say you have spoken to him about your insecurities and how it makes you feel. He should honor that, and not make the comments about other girls in my opinion, since he already knows that this bothers you.

 

 

As far as his blog comments, the same applies. He is aware of what this does to you, and yet he still does it.

 

You also mentioned that he is great in every other way with being caring. loving and appreciative. If you feel he is a "keeper" for a boyfriend then Have a long talk with him and explain how this makes you feel again, and let him know it needs to stop, or that you may have to move on.

[TiredMan]

I think you said it yourself regarding the insecurities. Some women want their men to like be completely unable to look at a different woman and it to be all about them. As long as they don't stray or want to stray, I don't see it as that bad.

 

A lot depends on the age of the parties involved as well.

 

Maybe he can withhold the comments to you directly but any comments to other people or in his own blog, are kind of offlimits. You can just choose not to read it correct?

[Caterina]

I wouldn't put up with that, personally.

[Flip_flop]

Thanks for the input guys..

 

He doesn't know I read his blog or the comments he makes on his friends' websites, so we haven't exactly talked about that yet. I'm not entirely sure if I even want to bring it up..

 

But based on his comments alone, do you guys think it would be warranted for me to initiate a break up? should I be worried or even mad that he's soliciting for other girls to model a nipple bra or whatever those things are?? Personally, I think it's ok to comment and be like "wow, she looks hot" or whatever. But to go so far as to solicit for other girls' attention, I dunno.. that's a bit excessive, don't you think?

[Meow18]

Personally, I wouldn't put up with it either. It's one thing to look. I mean, it's hard to not look at other people and not think they are attractive at times. But it's another to actually say something to the girl, or to you, or to anyone.

 

If you have talked to him about this, and he's not respecting your opinion, then he's disrespecting you. He's trying so hard to make other girls feel good and compliment them, but what about you?? You are his girlfriend, you should come first.

 

If you are already feeling insecure, it's just going to get worse. You have to decide what is good for you here.

[Flip_flop]

Just to clarify, I totally understand that men will be men, and will be attracted to other girls and even check them out. That's fine by me.. I don't want to be the centre of his world, but at the same time, I don't want to feel like these girls have something over me. The problem I'm having is that I just don't know where to draw the line. When does a comment on a blog become unacceptable? Is it me and my insecurities, or is he at fault?

 

I'm not sure if he directly compliments other girls about their appearance (he hasn't in my presense), but he definitely comments about them to me..

 

Sigh, I just i didn't have to feel this way..

[LostInMyThoughts]

In a way its the locker-room mentality. If my friends and I are out, we'll point out chicks and say something immature, have a good laugh and stare and essentially be jerks.

 

I would draw the line at blogging about it, because even though it may be aimed towards his friends, the blog isn't private and is indirectly coming back to you.

 

As for complimenting other girls appearances, it depends on the compliment. Saying "wow she has a nice rack" is much different than "wow those are cool shoes."

 

I dont think you're making a mountain out of a mole-hill, and I think that your bf should be aware of the fact that you don't appreciate his commentary and should quit giving compliments to other girls while he's around you.

[Flip_flop]

hmm, thanks for the comments guys. It really helps to get all these different perspectives. Sometimes, I question my emotions and reactions, since i've been told inthe past that I go "crazy", so I'm more careful these days.. but it does help to know that what I'm feeling is normal and valid.

 

While on the topic of my bf, I would also appreciate any thoughts or comments about him sleeping over at his ex's house last week. I had no idea that was the case until after I subtly prodded it out of him (no interrogation). He was actually surprised that he hadn't told me earlier.

 

Well in any case, it turns out it was his ex's bday and she was going to be leaving soon for Japan/Australia for a very long time. That makes his case a bit more sympathetic, but I can't help feeling suspicious. I know that she's his only ex that he's ever been in love with.. and in his friend's blog, he wrote that he'd been having the ghosts of former gfs haunting him.

 

Nevertheless, he does seem to be over her.. and in fact, hardly ever mentions her. The only things that I do know of her are because I have asked him myself.

 

so what do you guys think of this? girls, is this something you would tolerate?

[itsallgrand]

Personally, I wouldn't.

I have rules when I am exclusive with someone, that go both ways. Everybody has boundaries.

 

How old are you and the bf?

It could simply be an immaturity/age thing.

 

Boys are different then men. Which is he?

 

As always, I say go with your gut....

If you can accept him for what he is and be happy, stay.

If not, leave.

 

There is this saying "When a man shows you what he is, believe him"

It's a good one.

[Flip_flop]

hey itsallgrand, thanks for your comment.

 

I'm 23 and he is 22. He's very articulate and well-spoken, but he just has a very deep appreciation for girls. His friends seem to be very player-ish and love talking about/oogling girls..

 

At 22, I would think he would be mature by now.. but I'm not sure if that's the case anymore..

 

The thing is, I know if I were to bring this up with him, he would just try to reassure me and say that I'm ultimately the one he wants.. he just likes to appreciate eye candy, cuz he's stuck in an office all day with men. That placated me at first, but now I don't know if that's enough, considering his recent blog comments..

[itsallgrand]

At 23 his brain isn't even done growing, either is his body. And guys are horny toads. lol.

 

It is completely up to you. It sounds like it bothers you a lot, and I don't find that you are being unreasonable at all. In fact, you are helping to justify his behavior "he just has a very deep appreciation of girls".

 

Yeah, well, he can have a healthy appreciation of girls without disrespecting you, or making you feel uncomfortable.

 

You could try talking to him about it again, see if that works. If not - you need to think if this is the type of stuff you can accept in the long run.

 

good luck.

[RayKay]

In a way its the locker-room mentality. If my friends and I are out, we'll point out chicks and say something immature, have a good laugh and stare and essentially be jerks.

 

I would draw the line at blogging about it, because even though it may be aimed towards his friends, the blog isn't private and is indirectly coming back to you.

 

As for complimenting other girls appearances, it depends on the compliment. Saying "wow she has a nice rack" is much different than "wow those are cool shoes."

 

I dont think you're making a mountain out of a mole-hill, and I think that your bf should be aware of the fact that you don't appreciate his commentary and should quit giving compliments to other girls while he's around you.

Okay first of all I agree with Lost on all of this.

 

Second, I would find it absolutely UNACCEPTABLE he slept over at his ex's house! That is complete BS he said he 'thought he told you earlier'. My guess is he knew he had not told you, did not want to tell you, because knew your reaction.

 

I would personally dump him on the spot.

 

I am surprised you are even questioning if that is just 'insecurity' or not. Honestly that makes me wonder how often he brushes of your concerns as you just being insecure...you know what that is? Narcisstic and selfish. You have every right to have your boundaries.

 

He should be listening, not judging, your concerns and working out ways to compromise together.

 

My boyfriend is attracted to women to, but he has a DEEP APPRECIATION OF ME as his partner and girlfriend. And sure as heck does not talk about other girls breasts to me (unless I bring up someones very fake ones at the gym or something...), or sleep at ex's houses.

[AntiLove_SuperStar]

I am guilty of doing the kind of things your BF does but Id swear on my life I find no one hotter than my BF.

[Chika]

do the same thing to him, like say stuff like 'that mans got a fit bod its so yummy' something like that, and see if he likes it lol.