Cheaters make me sick

[itsallgrand]

A long relationship ended with cheating. On his part. Not mine.

It had been rocky for a while before, no doubt about it.

He was leaving for work for a month, like he often does.

I asked for a break during his time working. A time to clear our heads and so that I could focus on myself and my problems (which were affecting the relationship negatively and I knew it). I made it clear I loved him and wanted to make things work. I only needed that time to organize, and he wasn't going to be home anyways. He agreed.

And he met someone else. Or possibly already knew her, I can't know for sure. And he displayed this for me to see via his messenger id. Her name and his feelings were right there for me to see whenever I would log on. He knew I would see it.

Here I was worrying and working and thinking of ways to make our relationship better, and to make him happy. And he is doing god knows what with someone else.

 

I consider it cheating. I am so angry when I think about it. So cowardly. So cruel. So thoughtless of me and so very disrespectful.

 

I don't understand. Not at all. I understand we had difficulties and it was affecting him too. I do not understand turning to someone else before finishing and dealing with our relationship. He knew it was a deal breaker for me. He knew I could not be with him after something like that. He knew it would cut me to the heart.

 

I have been depressed and ill for a long time. That was my problem. Somehow this break up is firing me up to do well in my life again and get better.

 

Part of it is I want to be happy on my own terms for once. And part of it is I want to show the world and myself that he can not get me down. I may cry sometimes, and it hurts like my heart is being eaten alive, but I can't let him 'win'.

 

Why are people so careless and heartless and stupid - to cheat?! I'm sorry. I have no sympathy.

Just be a man/woman and end the relationship you do not want to be in anymore!

Say it to their face!

Show self respect!

 

In a way I am happy to be rid of him now. his character.

 

It just hurts bad right now. And I hate that.

[HellFrost666]

You are right that this was very cruel, but do you think maybe he did this out of spite because you wanted a break. I am not saying it was right, just playing the Devil's advocate here...

 

Also, it's something on the net... how do you know it has gone any further then just that. Do you know if he is dating this person? Has he slept with her? Has anything really happened?

[robowarrior]

The moment you asked for a break, was considered by him as a 'break up' , personally i thereforeeee don't consider it as cheating, a steady couple would never ask for a thing like a 'break' you don't break from your partner, its something that is supposed to be for life, which again is something you unfortunately have never experienced because you only met careless and heartless people as you said. This doesn't mean a wonderfull person isn't 'out' there , it just means you haven't met a person like that. *BIG HUG*

 

My advice.

 

Give yourself time to heal, pick up the pieces of your life and glue them back together again, redefine what you want in life, and then try to move on.

[bobo85]

Your the one who initiated the "break". Were there any rules to this break? did you make it clear that you both wouldn't date anyone else? correct me if i'm wrong but isn't a break a trial breakup? I don't think its cheating but its certainly does not give him the right to be with another girl without completely ending something first.

 

Basically what he did was not black nor white...but in the grey area of cheating.

[itsallgrand]

Hellfrost,

Oh yes, I believe you are right. It upsets me though because, well, frankly, I would hope that a partner of mine would be able to deal with his feelings more maturely than this. He had an opportunity to tell me how it made him feel. He could have handled it differently.

 

I'm not perfect for sure. It is the malicious, underhanded way he let me know he no longer loves me that sucks. It is my first time dealing with this.

 

You are a satanist? Very interesting religion/philosophy.

[itsallgrand]

What?! It's interesting to see these replies.

 

How can a 'break' be considered a trial breakup? No. I was very clear that I wanted to remain exclusive and that the seperation was for sanity's sake. He agreed and knew the 'rules' for being with me.

 

I also do not agree that a loving couple can not take breaks. It's time to oneself, and perfectly healthy in my opinion. So long as the relationship stays in the focus and firstmost.

 

Thank you for the replies.

[HellFrost666]

What he did really sounds like something my ex girlfriend would have done, but that is another story entirely.

 

You sound like the bigger person in the whole thing. Now you know the truth about him. You can wipe your hands clean and move on. Find some worthy of you and on your level.

 

Yes, I am a Satanist. Not some dumb kid trying to piss off his parents, not some dumb adult who wants to shock people because it's fun... I have been one for almost 8 years now. I studied all kinds of different faiths, and this is where I arrived.

[hazlcha]

Just a little more devil's advocate. Why would he want you to see his messages for another woman? Is it his way of saying he wants out?

 

Or maybe he was hurt by your "break" request, which he may have misunderstood as some of the posters said, and wanted to somehow show he wasn't "broken"?

 

Or he wanted to make you realize you could lose him. In both these scenarios, he may have done nothing with this other person. They may just be his way of either sending you a message of his hurt, or trying to win you back with the "other woman" approach.

 

Food for thought. Check it out, talk to him and get the facts before you jump to conclusions. He may really love you and done nothing wrong.

[itsallgrand]

Oh, to answer your earlier q: I asked him point blank if he had been seeing anyone else while he was away. He hesistated. I asked again (impressing myself that I sounded calm) and told me "actually, I did meet someone." I asked if he had slept with her. If he was interested in pursuing a relationship with her. "Haven't slept with her, but really like her."

 

pfffttah!! It's true. It is good to know now. It's a big blow to the ego though! Not that that is a huge deal. It hurts my heart because I obviously thought we had a future.

I will get over it.

 

I follow no religion, but I find Satanism to have many valuable aspects to it. It is much different than I originally suspected.

 

Thanks for the help. Very much appreciated.

[itsallgrand]

hazlcha,

Thanks for the reply. That definetly is food for thought.

 

I asked him those questions. He couldn't give solid answers. So I am still not 100% sure.

 

The thing is, even in the best possible scenario: the communication broke down and he chose a passive-aggressive way to give me a message. That drives me crazy. I would not want a repeat performance.

 

The replies are giving me things to think about, tho. Thank you.

[HellFrost666]

Have you deleted him from your messanger?

[itsallgrand]

Oh yes. I have. It felt like a big step too. Finalized things in my head because there is no reason I could 'run into him' or see what he is up to.

[Lonely and Rejected]

Good for you. You'll pull through. And cheaters know full well that they will sever the relationship as soon as they play with someone else's privates!! Unfortunately, they just likely never really cared in the first place.