How do I forget him?

[Hiki]

I've asked a friend to register and post this here for me:

 

It's been almost four months... a very long and depressing four months without him.

 

We're done, our relationship is finished, and to show for it: our conversations escalate into arguments and fights at the earliest point of 'hello'. I've never been happier when I'm with him... the room is 110% more colorful to me. When he isn't there, I don't see a thing at all.

 

I don't want to become involved into what had happened to us, but these past four months... I just couldn't take my mind off him. I would daydream constantly about him. Every night I would have a dream about him -- from a future dream that had been put on our (or my) worthless list to him picking me up and putting me to bed and doing our wildest fantasies.

 

When I think of reality, I think of nightmare... I think of hell. That's what my reality is: a nightmare from hell. I used to involve myself into self-mutilation a lot after we had been finished. A lot of his friends had commended him for removing me from his life. They had said to him, "Good job, you don't want to be living with a depressed, psychotic person like her. Just move on and find someone who isn't such a worrying * * * * *."

 

I don't want him back... because I can't have him back anymore. I cry myself to sleep every night, and every night since then. What do I do to forget him? I don't know how to move on... I don't want to go to psychiatry like a friend of mine suggested. I am hoping there is some way out of this. I know the textbook response: "You will find someone better," it's stupid, but it's true. But I can't find myself to believe in that response when I can't even stop thinking about him 24/7. I'm addicted, and I don't know how to quit. There isn't a patch.

 

Thanks.

[Beyondthesea]

Friend you have to start doing strict no contact. It sounds like you've been torturing yourself going back and forth with him.

 

If you have done self-harm you do need to see a counselor. It's really not as bad as you think it is. In fact, it's very refreshing to get a load of junk off of your chest.

 

Now is the time to get to know yourself again. Spend time finding you, before him.

[Hiki]

Friend you have to start doing strict no contact. It sounds like you've been torturing yourself going back and forth with him.

 

If you have done self-harm you do need to see a counselor. It's really not as bad as you think it is. In fact, it's very refreshing to get a load of junk off of your chest.

 

Now is the time to get to know yourself again. Spend time finding you, before him.

 

There's been a lot of bull * * * * in my life before I met him, but I don't want to talk about that.

 

I've tried visiting a counselor, and it didn't work. I'm still doing the same things I've done before.

 

I don't think "spending time" to get to know myself will work, because I know who I am... in my eyes: hopeless and worthless.

[puccie08]

You need to get your act together. This is not the end of the world. You need to occupy your time with other things. Your deffinatly not hopeless and worthless and the sooner that you realize that the faster you'll be able to move on. I also agree with Beyondthesea you need to maintain a VERY strict no contact rule. If he doesn't want you then it's his loss and if you love him as much as you say you do you have to let him go and wish him the best luck. I hope this helps you in some way. best wishes

[robowarrior]

There's a lot wrong with you , you retract yourself in issues for instance.

 

Instead of letting your life being dependant on someone 'else' why not take the power of your life that you gave away back where it belongs? , namely into your own hands. You see life is what you make it, you have to earn what you receive in life, including happyness. I bet you thought it would fly straight into your arms.

 

Nothing in the universe can make you happy exept love and helping other people, the rest are just dead-end unhappy roads. You are so accustomed to unhappyness, that you don't even remember what being happy is, you leash out to other people because you feel so miserable, including to him.

 

Its like a mirror, if you love and help others , happyness will be casted back into your life. And if your in a relationship ask yourself, am i with him so i can make his life miserable, or vice versa? Of course not, you are supposed to make eachother happy, thereforeeee only put love and light into eachothers lives on a continues basis, because a relationship is a continues investment. Small arguments can lead to big break ups so fight for the relationship instead of fighting against it. Don't think stuff like ' im not worth of this guy ', let that guy decide with his own free will with who he wants to be.

 

When it comes to your self mutilation, imagine you are locked into a room, what helps more cutting or a key to get out? A key of course, thereforeeee redirect the energy you used for cutting in using your brain and finding a solution for the problem which will unlock the door ,thus setting you free from teh situation?

 

Problems are like puzzles, once the problem is known fully the moves can and should be made to resolve them this is important because problems don't resolve themselves, a problem will remain to be a problem till the end of time, until you solve them. Grab a sword and cut a mountain in half if you like , will that resolve any problems? Of course not, so stop wasting your time on unproductive efforts.

[Hiki]

I've tried a lot of what you've suggested in those few months I've been through. It hasn't worked out. I've tried focusing on myself and I've maintained a strict no-contact rule. However, I still feel extremely miserable... and it's becoming worse by the day.

 

The only reason I had posted here is because a friend of mine pestered me for weeks to do so. I think this would be easier if I could talk to someone through AIM or something, and probably explain my problem more in-depth. >.

[itsallgrand]

Hiki,

I am worried about you. I hope you found someone to talk to, because you shouldn't try and do this all alone. You're hurting bad right now, and I am so sorry about that.

 

Please go see a doctor. This is much more than the breakup blues. You can get past this. There is hope. You do need to reach out and keep trying, trying, trying though. I know how difficult it can be. You are important though and you need some help getting over this hurdle.

 

Hope all is well. Take care Hiki.

[Hiki]

Please go see a doctor.

 

One of the suggestions I've tried- used medicine they've handed me... and it doesn't really do much... It makes me feel all right for a day or two, then I just fall back into a mutilative, deep depression the next day.

 

EDIT: I'm still hoping I can talk to someone through AIM or MSN.

[Noggy27]

Dear Hiki or whatever your name is..

 

Let me be the first to tell you that feeling this way does not make you a freak or that there is something wrong with you. Its just your mind telling you that it hasnt let go yet.

 

Trust me in that there are thousands of us on here that have been through the same thing and although you may not believe it have shared your feelings at some point in our lives.

 

I am in the same boat myself.. and I have been in that boat before. I get agitated whenever I see a car thats the same model as hers or a woman who looks like her down the street with the same hair as her.

 

The truth is... You are going to have to cope with it. Trust me, it will eventually fade and pass and become less painfull each month. Though as the others above have said you really need to try and get control of your life again. It hurts like mad and you think about them all the time but the sooner you convince yourself its time to let go and start living your life again the quicker the pain will dissolve. I am not going to lie to you. It could be another 2 months with this pain but its going to get better I promise.

 

If you really need someone to talk to then you can IM me.. send me a pm for my details..

[hazeleyed]

Dear Hikki,

 

When a man leaves you or a woman leaves a man it is not the end of the world because you have yourself most importantly. you need to find who you really are and do things you like doing. If you cant stand yourself to be alone how do you expect other people to be there with you? You need to love yourself and stop thinking negative thoughts about yourself before someone else will appreciate you for who you are. A broken doll attracts a broken doll and a solid one attracts solid ones. Seeing that you feel so low of yourself you need to get out and do things that make you happy.You feel depressed; why not start hitting the gym or playing asport? I love dancing and when iam upset I jus blast my music and dance the night away. I hope your well and pray that you get on your feet again.

[blender]

You are worthy of love and it starts with YOU. This is all hard for you to "hear" because you are so busy with your own negative "self talk" that you can't even hear the love you are recieving even from the strangers on this site offering advice, you are not Alone, so many others feel the way you do, people survive so much heartache, we are precious and strong, you are so worthy of a good life, but first you have to "choose' to have one, and it might not come in the package you WANT but it will be wrapped in what you "need" and right now you "need" to be on your own, fate has decided this, you are powerless over your "ex" and you seem to be "powerless" over your own emotions right now, and that is okay, but try to get some help, you know you need it, and you deserve it, YOUR life is NOT defined by the LOVE of this guy, it is defined by YOUR own self, choose a "definition" you admire in someone else and try to emulate it... So many people go through rejection, this is not yours alone, it may feel that way right now, but it's all part of life, sadness is just what we have to feel sometimes, it's how we "choose" to deal with it, that defines who we can become, so for today CHOOSE to be grateful for the lessons you are learning.

 

Try to Love the precious gift of life you have been given, so many people are in hospitals right now, as we speak, finding out they have an illness, cancer, something they can not "control" you CAN CONTROL how you are going to react to this whole situation, so try to be grateful that you DO have options and one of them is to "do the self work" and that is to get some help, try a different counselor, walk into a clinic and ask to speak to anyone a therapist, say you have been "hurting yourself" and want some help, go to an "al-anon" meeting, they are free, and someone there will help you, reach out to someone and get some love and help, you are worthy of it....

 

keep posting here, keep talking it all out, you will get through this, it will not be easy but anything worthwhile is worth struggling through to get to the other side, and believe me there is another side.... and after the rain, the sun is so beautiful.. you are just choosing to "stand in the rain" right now, and that's okay but you're getting soaked, so reach for the sun and know it's right inside you... Cry for today, cry all you want, it's healing, but do NOT hurt yourself, I know you WANT to FEEL something even if it's pain, but this is like a 'drug" you are addicted to and you need help getting off of it...

[Hiki]

It's not the end of the world. But it is the end of my dreams.

[blender]

yes it is the end of "this" dream. Sometimes our dreams do NOT come true because we need to get some NEW ones.... think big, and go for it, you are going to get through all this, and be soooo much better for it...

[Beyondthesea]

Whenever a door closes, a window opens but we only notice when we stop staring at the closed door.