Should I be the bigger person and make ammends?

[heavensent]

Okay, this is a semi-long story because I need to give a little bit of history. Me and this girl have been friends since we were six. We were such good friends at a young age but when we got into higschool and I started Cheerleading she decided that she didn't like me anymore and she started to hang out with the pot-smokers. On the weekends I'd go to football games and parties while she'd just get stoned. We just became really distant and have completely different interests. Well, once we graduated she moved to California with her boyfriend, when he cheated on her she decided to come back home and called me when she was here (we hadn't talked for a year or so). I had also just broken up with my boyfriend of 3 1/2 years and while I was with him I had pretty much lost touch with all of my friends so it was nice to have someone to talk to and hang out with again. Her and I became best of friends and were inseperable. We had sooo much fun together and went clubbin and to parties and everything. She was such a good friend to me and supported me when I had a hard time with my breakup as I did with her and her bf cheating on her.

 

About a year later we both met someone around the same time. I dated my boyfriend for a year and she ended up marrying hers. Well, this boyfriend of mine cheated on me. Her and her husband were with me when I walked into his apartment (I had a key) and we found him naked, in bed, with another girl. (Come to find out it was his ex-gf). Well, of course I'm devastated and I didn't handle the situation right..instead of just walking away I beat the * * * * out of her and then went straight for him. Well, the girl he cheated with called the cops on me and it was a horrible situation. My best friend stuck by me every day through it all, I was so depressed and she would be with me every second just to make sure that I was ok. Anyway, her and her husband both were extremely supportive.

 

So, about 7 months later I meet a great guy (who is now my husband) at a party (I initially met him on hot or not but invited him to this party). He is absolutely gorgeous and every girl in the entire party was flirting with him and going after him. Somehow I got lucky because he choose ME out of all the girls to focus his attention on. We ended up hanging out the entire party and stayed up all night talking on my friends love sac. It was such an amazing connection. Anyway...that's off the subject sort of lol. So after a few months of dating I moved in with him and it was awesome. A few months later we started having some problems and decided to opt out of our lease and move out because we thought we had moved in too fast and that's why we were having problems. It all happened so fast and I had nowhere to go. Her and her husband had just bought a big house and had a few extra rooms so she asked me to move in there. I did and about a week later I was back with my boyfriend and so he was staying there with me as well. We decided that we made a mistake about breaking up and we would live with her for awhile (I was paying her an ample amount in rent and even doing most of the grocery shopping..might I add) and we were saving to buy a house instead of rent. Well, my best friend all the sudden started acting really weird and treating us badly. She would leave notes all over the house saying not to do certain things and instead of asking me for more money she posted a sticky note on my mirror saying TURN OFF THE LIGHTS, OUR ELECTRIC BILL IS F'ING RIDICULOUS. I was really upset that she couldn't just come talk to me about this but also more upset because I was NEVER there. I would wake up early in the morning go straight to work, go straight from work to school, get home late and go to bed. So I never used any power or anything..plus I bought a ton of groceries and rarely ever ate there, so they ate everything I bought. Which I didn't mind doing but after she got all petty on me I was really bothered. I just let it go and thought maybe she was just in a really bad mood that day.

Well, a few days later my boyfriend proposed to me and it was so romantic and cute!! My ring is soooooo gorgeous..it's 2 1/2 carrats and the prettiest ring I've ever seen. Well, when I got home that day, I was all excited to go home and tell my best friend and show her my incredible ring. Well I walk in the door and she is sitting there watching TV...so I walk over to her stick out my hand and scream "I'M GETTING MARRIED!!" She glanced at my hand and said, "oh..cool." I said, look at my ring..and she goes "yeah, it's CUTE"...CUTE????? are you kidding me? I have a 2 1/2 carrat ring on my hand that cost $10 grand and you're going to tell me it's CUTE? I was furious by this point so I just turned around and walked out. Aren't best friends supposed to get up and scream and yell and jump up and down at news like this? Sure, my ring was huge and nice and maybe it was jealousy but...she's married and she has a HOUSE and nice things so I just don't get it.

She continued to be rude so my fiance and I decided we were going to move out and started apartment hunting. One day she text messaged me and said "this living arrangement is not working out." I wrote her back and said that I agreed. So, I went home that day after work and she had packed up all of our stuff and had it sitting outside my bedroom door (all the smaller stuff). I was furious. What would drive her to do something so rude? I called my fiance and we had to last minute move everything to his dads house. Luckily we have awesome family who helped us at last minute notice. Well, after that day she text me staying horribly rude things...saying that no one likes my fiance and that he has completely changed me, she said that ever since i've been with him I think I'm better then everyone else because he is so attractive and I walk around with my nose in the air. She said that I am so selfish and not a good friend. I finally wrote her back and told her to please stop writing me or I'd call the cops and tell them she was harassing me. She said "go ahead, I'll tell them about this and this that you stole." I DIDN'T TAKE ANYTHING OF HERS!!!! So I just let it go and turned my phone off...she finally left me alone...sad thing is...we haven't talked since. (that was 6 months ago).

I got married in February and did not invite her. I haven't had any communication with her at all. Her husband has text my husband a couple of times asking how we are doing but he never wrote back because he didn't want anymore drama to start.

Anyway, I hate the way she acted but I miss the friend she USED to be!! Should I write her a letter and tell her how I feel and that I miss her. I don't really know what to say sorry for because I feel that she is the one in the wrong.

 

Ok this was incredibly long..I don't blame those of you that read halfway through and stopped lol...SORRY!

[DN]

This may not be a situation where either of you was all wrong or all right - seems there were some issues on either side.

 

Why not call her up and ask her to have a coffee for old times sake and see if you can get the friendship back. No need for either to make fulsome apologies - just agree to say sorry for the nonsense and leave it at that.

[Beyondthesea]

You can try to get in touch with her, but I wouldn't push it. A lot of times, friendships deteriorate over time and it's just because both people are growing at different paces.

 

Contact her and try to make amends, but don't push the situation.