A few dating websites, many months... nada

[easyguy]

About a year ago I went on a signup spree: link removed, link removed, yahoo link removed, link removed, and link removed. I spent quite a while writing up a little "about me" thing that is very helpful, and I always provided a photo.

 

I hear about all these people who sign up on these dating websites and before long, they're dating someone new. But no, not me. I've NEVER gotten 1 "wink", one message, one anything. Well, one girl messaged me, but she was waaay out of my league, 3 years older, and was all about raising a family, which I am not even thinking about at my age. There have been a couple girls that have caught my attention, but even after messaging them or emailing them, I get no response.

 

Is the online dating scene much different than a real life dating scene? It just seems pointless having a profile posted on one of those online dating sites when nothing ever happens. Does this happen to others as well?

[neolithic]

if you send me a link to one of your profiles, i can give you my response and tell you if you should change anything or not. i'll tell you what would get my attention!

[Carisma]

I have to agree...I have tried those things and everything to see on TV and stuff seems so fake.

 

I am at the point now of just giving up completely on love, relationships and dating. It's not worth the misery it brings in the end.

[CluelessGuy321]

Not to be negative or anything, I haven't used those sites myself YET, but do girls really contact men on those sites? I have a friend (girl) who gets all her dates on those sites, but she never contacts the men. Men have to contact her and she sorts it out. Girls asking guys out is a rare thing, my friend.

[aggierocker]

Look, some people were made for online dating. Some not, you and me brother both aren't cut out for this online dating.

 

The info I just put on mine, is this "shallow *** theres more"

[Goodfun88]

Online dating can be tough. I know I have set up a profile and never checked back on a few sites, that could be what is happening to you. I know some of them show when a person has last been online and that can help guide you to people who actively use the site. Also you need to take the intiative and send more messages to girls if you want to get a response, don't leave it up to them. Good luck and don't give up!

[PocoDiablo]

The trick to online dating is to realize you are not "fishing" (waiting for a nibble) but hunting (have to go find something).

 

How many messages did you send out? Any? Guys think woman are going to magically contact them, when in fact the guys who are getting dates are the ones who are sending out 20-40 emails a DAY to hundreds of women per month. They are sending out short messages, one or two lines max, and they are funny and different - not desperate or clingy. They are confident and have one goal: To meet in person.

 

I know lots of guys who email back and forth for MONTHS with a woman and then wonder why nothing comes of it. It's because you are supposed to be DATING not emailing! How can you go on a date if you do get her phone number, call her, set up a time?

 

The last time I e-dated I sent a message out to lots of women, found one who was interesting. Got her number within 2 emails, called her, went on a date, and figured out we were wrong for each other. (This is why coffee dates are good: Cheap but quality time together.) Expect to go on a lot more dates than when you meet someone in person, because I find that most folks e-persona is MUCH different than real life. This is why you have to get off email and phone contact and into real life.

 

Here's a snippet of some advice that sums it up:

 

From link removed

 

 

There are some tips of what to say there as well, so you should go read that.

[RayKay]

LOL, I think that quote from Poco's post is bang on as to what it "really is like" being on the female side of it.

 

Some people just hate online dating, I can understand that, but as a veteran online dater myself, I can say that I see many people whom post profiles up or contact me whom are basically turning me off before I even meet them. I have met some great people online, and had two shorter relationships and online is where I met my live-in boyfriend.

 

What differentiates those I want to meet from those I DON'T is not only how they present themselves in their profile, but how they make contact, how serious they seem about it, how interested they appear (ie do they ask me out SOON!). Any of the people I ended up DATING asked me out within a week. I looked for those whom were not going to jerk me around, or whom wanted a "real life" thing, and I wanted to know earlier rather then later whether there was a connection. What good is a connection online if you meet in person and just repel each other...lol....and sometimes people are not what they seem...not always, but I saw many men whom posted younger pics, or more "model type" pics of themselves....and turned out to have put on 50 lbs and 15 years since then. Appearance is not everything, but if you LIE about it, that's something big.

 

Sure, I would wink/email first at times, but I also did not put all my eggs in one basket so to speak. I still met people offline, I still pursued my regular life - online dating was just another 'venue' to meet people I probably normally would not just run into on the street. It ended up working out great for me, but that is after several hits and misses, several re-tweakings of my profile, several horrible dates, a couple short term relationships that ended, a few jerks and horn-dogs along the way....but in the end it worked as I was patient and stayed the course

 

Honestly, it might also be your age, when I was on there was relatively few people under 20/21 whom are mostly are still in college/university and meeting a lot of people. It tends to be filled more with those post-university since there are not as many opportunities to find partners when everyone in your office is married or 30 years older, and you have already met every friend of a friend, and you would rather spend quality time on your hobbies and passions then hanging around bars That's just my experience anyway.

[mjctraider]

If it makes you feel better I've been trying the online dating thing for 8 years now and resulted in a date here and there, no relationship and it will never happen for me, I just have yet to accept it. I'm to shy to do it the old fashioned way and I thought online dating would work for me, I guess not. I usually never get any winks or emails either so as my mom used to say "Life sucks then you die."

[PocoDiablo]

Online dating fails if you don't put any energy into it, just like anything else.

 

How many emails have you sent? Any? Men hit on women first, ask her on a date second, and that's that.

[mjctraider]

Hard to say how mny winks, emails etc I have sent to women I was interested in and who at least according to their profile I might be a match to them. I think just this year alone I've sent at least 50. No one ever responds back. The other bad luck I usually get is if a woman does respond to my profile. For some unknown reason beynd my control I am unable to contact them. For some reason the personals site has a problem with my credit card information where they do not accept it, but yet they have before in the past. Maybe it's karma telling me, "screw you pal you're not going to have a happy life", lol. Basically I have contacted women, many, many women and not a soul is interested.

 

 

I guess it works for some, but guys like me will have a hard time ever finding anyone.

[PocoDiablo]

Nope. It means you're sending bad emails.

 

Can you go find one you've sent and paste it in here? We can review it for you. 50 failures means you did something wrong 50 times. Now you need to try something new.

[mjctraider]

I don't really think it's the emails I send. I think it has to do with the fact that I am a below average looking guy and they see what I look like and are totally turned off. It's sucks, but at the same time it's not like I am replying to all these hot women, they are basically average looking or even women with no photos, but for some reason they see what i look like and head for the hills. If I can find an email I've sent I'll try and post it otherwise I'll have to try and remember what I written in the past to all those women.

[PocoDiablo]

It's not your looks, but nice try. I'm no supermodel and I can make lady friends like crazy. 7 years ago? Not a chance. It's your PERSONALITY and that comes out in your emails.

 

Post an email, I'll show you.

[mjctraider]

well I have to disagree about what you sid that it's not my looks, although I can agree that it could be my personality. In looking for a email that I usually send to a woman I'm interested in this is what I usually send:

 

I saw your profile and you seem interesting and I was wondering if you would like to chat sometime and get to know each other. If you like you can email me at "email address is here" and if not it's cool, I'll understand. Take care and hope to hear from ya.

 

 

It may not be the best email, but it's not like I'm acting like a jerk or some pervert. It's just a basic email saying hey I'm interested and I'd like to get to know you. I'm sure everyone will be able to rip it apart and tell me what I did wrong. I await everyone's judgement, lol.

[PocoDiablo]

Man, we were just talking about this stuff, so it's fresh in my mind. I should just go find my other post because I'd say the same thing!

 

Anyway, here's the point. As a woman, she is getting 100 emails a day. How does yours stand out as different? It doesn't so she deletes it. Here's a great overview:

 

link removed

 

 

 

Go there and read the rest of his article for some tips. It's simple, it's DIFFERENT, and it will likely get you dates.

 

I know for a fact your email is BORING and won't interest anyone.

 

The last time I did personal ads, I sent a single one liner to a woman, asking if she was into a particular type of sex act. I figured I'd never hear from her. Turns out, she returned my email, we talked on the phone, went on a few dates and the rest is history. She turned out to be 6' 2" with long legs and stunning blonde hair, looked like a model. Of course, at that time, I *totally* blew it, but not after we had our fun. Heather, you were amazing!

 

The point? I was direct and to the point. I wanted an adult relationship and I didn't beat around the bush. No pun intended!

[mjctraider]

Lol and I thought that a nice short email would suffice. I guess not. I figured a long email would turn them off and something short like mine might stand a chance. I guess not. I figured most of the women I respond to get lots of emails, but you do have to agree that if she sees what I look like and then there are lots of other guys much better looking then me that she will delete me right away based on looks. I would find it hard to believe that if there are all these good looking guys emailing her and then there is me that she's gonna stop and say, "Oh there guys are good looking, but I like this unattractive guy, so I'm gonna delete these other guys"

 

Basically most dating sites supply the picture with the email and from my own experience women care about looks even if they say they don't they do, otherwise I would have someone emailing me or winking at me more than once a year or so. Yes I agree that my emails need fine tuning, but it also has to do with my looks and at least I feel that if a women is getting emails from attractive guys and from guys like myself, I feel that she will see who sent the email and delete it right away without even reading it, if she don't find the guy attractive.

[PocoDiablo]

Lol and I thought that a nice short email would suffice.

Yes, once you initiate a two-way conversation. In fact, it's preferred.

 

I figured most of the women I respond to get lots of emails, but you do have to agree that if she sees what I look like and then there are lots of other guys much better looking then me that she will delete me right away based on looks. I would find it hard to believe that if there are all these good looking guys emailing her and then there is me that she's gonna stop and say, "Oh there guys are good looking, but I like this unattractive guy, so I'm gonna delete these other guys"

Wow, you really think all women are that shallow? So what you are telling me is that if some super hot guy sent her an email that said something boring she'd jump on it? Unlikely. Most women have realized that no matter how good looking a guy is, if he is not exciting it's going to fail.

 

I don't care how hot someone is, if they are boring I am not going to hang out with them. Ever. I've passed up many invites with so-called "hotties" because I thought they were thimble-headed morons.

 

I'm not a supermodel, not by a long shot. I'm 6' 4" and I weigh 150 pounds. I'm a skinny dude. Way too skinny. But the last time I went to the mall I could of collected a dozen phone numbers, and one woman *literally* offered me sexual pleasure practically on the spot. Why? How did I do it? It wasn't my looks. I clearly had nothing to do with that. It was the electricity I created. It was the flirting I did. It was the teasing I threw at her, and it was the way I looked at her. I've hit on waitresses and been told "I've never given anyone my phone number before. You're the first." And she had a boyfriend! (Note: Clearly she wasn't happy with him was she?) Looking around the bar there were several Tom Cruise types, stocky, good looking, having a good time... and I saw another table of guys try to hit on her ... so what did I do differently? Well, it sure as sh*t wasn't my looks. It was my attitude. It was my ability to be different than all the other boring guys out there who are niiiice to girls. I was slightly arrogant. I was very funny. I teased her. I gave her crap. I joked with her. I touched her. I made her smile, feel good, feel emoitons.

 

I brought her out of her auto-pilot routine and made her THINK.

 

I did that simply by using words. By talking. By being me. Anyone can do it, if you practice enough.

 

Basically most dating sites supply the picture with the email and from my own experience women care about looks even if they say they don't they do, otherwise I would have someone emailing me or winking at me more than once a year or so. Yes I agree that my emails need fine tuning, but it also has to do with my looks and at least I feel that if a women is getting emails from attractive guys and from guys like myself, I feel that she will see who sent the email and delete it right away without even reading it, if she don't find the guy attractive.

You've got quite a defeatist attitude.

 

Either that or you need to get a better picture. Show us your picture. And is it the best picture you have? I mean, the ABSOLUTE best picture you've ever seen? If not, then ... geez! Get a different picture! Besides, I've learned from a model friend that if you get one good picture out of a roll of film, you're above average. Why do you think they take so many pictures on a shoot? They take hundreds if not thousands of pictures, and use less than 1%. Why? Because 99.9% of pictures are crap. It's a fact of life. I have hundreds of pictures of myself, and probably only one or two that I would consider putting on a personal ad.

 

So show me an ad of a girl you think is cute and let's see what we can do.

[mjctraider]

I understand that not everyone has the best picture out there and that it may take many, many, many pcitures before a good one comes out. I agree that I have the defeatist attitude, but kinda hard not to have it when you wink at someone who you think is compatible and they don't even bother to look at your profile or wink back. Oh and lets not forget the harassment I got from high school because of my looks. So kinda hard not to have that negative attitude about my looks, but I am trying. There are days where I actually don't look to bad. Hard to say if I can find an ad of a girl I'm interested in seeing how I've responded to most and have yet to hear from anyone. And my ugly mug is on the left there, yeah I know what you are gonna say, so save your breath and don't say it. It's my way of joking with myself.

[Luke Skywalker]

I've tried lavalife, put up a pic and profile, and got two dates with two different girls out of it. I go for the kill. I ask the girl out right away and move to set up a date and am not really into this 'chat' stuff. If she's interested fine, if not, fine too. I was just 'being myself' on my profile, and expressed myself. I did not follow any expert's advise. I did not describe what I did, or what I was into. I just talked about how I struggle to ask girls out because I'm too shy. Wrote an essay about it on my profile. Would you believe it worked?

 

It is free to send a smiley with a short note or message - enabling you to go on a 'blitz' sending smileys to lots of girls. It is free to do that. Sometimes I send messages out - but if you want to listed to Poco - make sure you buy the 200 credit deal as it is good value for your money.

[corvidae]

Man, I hate those dating sites. They are a perfect representation of what happens in the world between men and women. The women receive messages and 'select' the men based upon whatever criteria they fancy. Men receive no attention but have to send messages and await on the woman's decision. I hate this way of doing things. Why can't woman send some messages eh?

[itsallgrand]

The thing is, women get FLOODED with messages. It's really annoying!

 

And I agree...women should take initiative too. Why wouldn't we? A million and one reasons, and most are junk.

 

 

[mjctraider]

Ok in light of my last posts and how my emails were boring and would turn a women off if she saw it, I guess it worked with one woman. She has replied back and wants to know more. So my question is this what can I say to keep her interested in me, but at the same time not reveal everything? Any suggestions would help here. It would be nice if I could make it past the dating site and chat over the phone or at least through emails or IMS and not fail again like I have been the past few weeks.