Is it possible to maintain a friendship after a relationship?

[Skippy]

...........

[Skippy]

It has already started to be hard. my emotions are flip flopping.

I know it is the situation that separated us but i still want her.

I suppose i have to focus on the bigger picture and remember that this is a friendship that i should keep. But unfortunately i still want her as my gf. SIGH.

[Momene]

It has already started to be hard. my emotions are flip flopping.

I know it is the situation that separated us but i still want her.

I suppose i have to focus on the bigger picture and remember that this is a friendship that i should keep. But unfortunately i still want her as my gf. SIGH.

 

 

In which case it has to be no/minimal contact or you won't get over her which has to be your realistic aim, rather than trying to get back.

[RayKay]

Skippy - it is possible to be friends again down the road meaning no contact or limited contact for a few months while you heal.

 

For example, I did maintain a friendship with my ex partly due to mutual decision and necessity as we are both involved in the cycling community/racing and volunteering so we would HAVE to be around one another. And we managed, but I wish that we had done some NC for a while beforehand - it would of promoted MY healing, and there would of been a lot less repeating pain (ie finding out about dates, wanting them back when we spent time together, etc).

[Dako]

Skippy,

 

If the longing for her tortures you, it might be best to end contact.

What makes it work for me is letting go of any reconciliation fantasies.

I wouldn't take her back at gunpoint.

[novaseeker]

It has already started to be hard. my emotions are flip flopping.

I know it is the situation that separated us but i still want her.

I suppose i have to focus on the bigger picture and remember that this is a friendship that i should keep. But unfortunately i still want her as my gf. SIGH.

 

All sorts of red flags popping up here, I'm afraid.

 

It's really only possible to be platonic friends with an ex when the flames of love, the longing, the pain, the memories, the desires -- all of that -- are cold ash. You have to be over the person more or less completely for a friendship with them to really be a friendship.

 

So regrettably I think that being a friend with this person right now is only going to lead to a lot of pain for you and a longer, harder, more drawn out and painful process of separation and healing. Ideally you need to give each other a wide berth while you are both healing. Once you get to the point where the embers of what was once love are cold ash, a friendship can work without being problematic for you.

[Skippy]

thanks for your insight. i will think about that.