Oh man, feel like killing myself so badly, why life?? Life's worthless, no use!!!!

[AppleJack_095]

Yup just as it says, I dunno if I wanna live anymore, don't really feel like. I don't really know what's keeping me from commiting suicide, but if I saw pills I would swallow them all and if I had a gun, I would put it in my mouth and pull the trigger already. I did try to commit suicide, but that was a long time ago when I was 12 b/c kids use to picked on me the whole time and one time two of them almost beat me up. That day I overdouse myself, luckly I made it. Now more than 8 years later those feelings are starting to come up again. I get nothing but bills, exams, getting step on sometimes over again, and the worst is that my girl and my first, only love, was everything to me, leaves me for the same dude, a loser.

Yesterday I call her three times, I told her to come back to me, that I'll change, told her she was everything, that I'll do things right this time. All I got back from her was mean nasty, such as "Oh you, you're worth nothing", or "Want me to come and beat you up right now", etc. Yes, she did cheated on me many times and also use to beat me up, whenever I made her made (maybe most of the beatings like getting 3 teeth knock, bottle thrown in my head and getting stiches, thrown against the wall, etc. were my fault, that I can understand, but not the cheatings).

Dunno wut to do now, don't feel like living and want her back so badly, I lover her. I do know that if I'm back with her, she'll hit me and cheat again, but I dunno why do I still love her. She's mean I know, but I want her, I'll do anything for her. So plz, help, don't think there is any way I can get over her. Now it's been like 3 months since she broke up and left me for the loser and still can't get over her. Also feel like going to the other guy's house and beating him up, I prollie lose the fight anyways, but it'll be good to give me a piece of my mind for taking my girl over from me.

[CamGuy]

Stay strong. Not having her in your life won't kill you, I promise.

[AppleJack_095]

Ok, maybe I won't really kill myself, but I do want her back, she's everything to me. I dunno why, thought, dunno why do I still love her.

[AppleJack_095]

It's been 3 months already and I can't get over her, I thinking constantly of her, I'm crying right now.

[AwdreeHpburn]

Applejack - I'm sorry you're hurting.

 

I suggest you seek help if you're seriously contemplating suicide. You really need to talk to someone who knows you or who knows about the pain you're in.

 

Please don't end your life over an abusive cheater. She's really not worth what your life is.

 

Give it a day or two to calm yourself and talk to friends and family.

[BellaDonna]

Do not do anything to hurt yourself or someone else, it will get you nowhere.

 

I know you are going through a terrible time, but all of the solutions you have come up with such as killing yourself, or beating up the other guy are not effective ways to address this problem.

 

I know it sounds impossible- but one day you will realize that your GF is not worth your hurting, and that you are better off without her. If you are feeling really down, you need to get some help.

 

Does anyone (i.e. friends/family) know that you are this upset?

 

 

BellaDonna

[becallamjr]

First love's are always tough. Those feelings will never go away, but they will subside over time and life will be more bearable. Just take it one day at a time and remember to keep NC. She is not coming back and you need to realize that, she LEFT YOU. Your best bet is to move on, plus from what you say, you can do so much better anyway. Realize that she abused you physically and emotionally, she was unfatithful.

[MetalGuitar]

^^ Agreed... completely.

 

First love or not, it's best to move on. Unless you were just as violent to her, nothing justify's the way that she treated you. Emotional abuse, verbal abuse, physical abuse... She manipulative, aggressive, violent, and overbearing. She's trapped you into thinking that you need her... that you're nothing without her.

 

You DON'T need her. All you need is, YOU. It's time to chin up and move on my friend. Best of luck!

[AppleJack_095]

Well I never told anyone whenever she use to beat me, one time I just told a friend that I had a black eye from a fight at a bar. As for my family, never told them either, just kept it all and figure crying would make it better. She didn't even care when she would see me crying, in fact she would saw that if I don't stop the crying, she'll hit me again. As for committing suicide, maybe not, don't want to, but as for beating up the other guy, that's still in my mind.

Boy if I saw that loser again, arrr, I'll tell him all the bs. Now I'm just mad, and well still crying, but I'm more angrier now.

[AppleJack_095]

Ok, I'm getting more mad, now, never felt like this before in my life.

[BellaDonna]

but as for beating up the other guy, that's still in my mind.

 

Don't worrry- you don't need to do a thing. He already has his misery coming, since he's with her. If she was abusive toward you, she will most definitely be toward him as well. I feel bad for anyone that gets involved with her.

 

It's time to stop worrying about what SHE is doing, and stop worrying about this other guy. You have to put the focus on yourself now.

 

I think the first thing you should do is confide what happened regarding the abuse with a friend or family member you can trust, so they can assist you with getting some kind of professional help. Holding it all inside is not healthy.

 

BellaDonna

[becallamjr]

You really want to get her back? Do nothing at all, stop all contact with her immediately and when you do see her, act as if you do not care because you are better than her. Just make the move to start to move on. There are a million fish in the sea and she is a bottomfeeder.

[BellaDonna]

I agree that what your ex did is atrocious....to say the least-

 

I agree that you should start to move on and not waste another second on her.

 

BellaDonna

[eleanorrigby1]

Life sometimes feels like a total * * * *ter and when bad things happen to us we suddenly feel like there isnt much point in each day, but that doesnt last, it is normal to have these feelings every now and again, if there is a reason for it. I have had my heart broken, lost a job, lost a relative a loved, been in major debt and each time I have felt so depressed I have sat and wrote diary entry after diary entry about how much I hate life and how much I want to die.

 

I used to sit and look at bottles of pills and think "It will all end if I do this" but thats bull * * * *! nothing is worth taking our own life over!

 

I remember my mum once saying to me "You think this is the end of the world? being told you have a terminal disease is the end of the world!! not some silly boy dumping you!!" it rings true.

 

That girl was not worthy of you, but you need to know yourself, your own worth and you have very very little self esteem because of childhood bullying. I seriously think you should consider seeing a therapist and talking over some issues. you fall right into the age bracket for male suicides and its the time of your life that your hormones are racing and your body is still developing and your emotions will be all over the place.

 

THe first heartbreak always feels like complete and utter hell because its the FIRST pain of that kind, but it isnt really and one day you will be with someone new who treats you right and be angry at yourself for having felt so much for someone so mean to you!

 

You need to work on your self esteem darling otherwise you will never find peace of mind.

[blueangel]

we are given life to do with it what we choose. For some, it is only luck we have a happy life around us...only luck.

 

I just went through this- I was about to kill myself. I spend most of my days alone and my parents ignore me. Friendships are more like random small encounters for me throughout life that I always lose eventually. So I decided to try and see if one could make themselves happy. I started writing out all these little to big goals daily. I have an exercise tape and when no one is watching, I exercise. Then, I took my two dogs on long walks through the woods each day. I became more creative with my clothes- worked on my character: bringing myself to be more gentle, mature and considerate as I'd admire these in others. I wrote in my journal three times a day to get out my feelins. I then became more conscious of what I was eating. I became more and more alone.

 

None of it worked. None of it mattered. I couldnt make myself enjoy that- living alone inside myself. I could not fool my heart of whom did not love others as herself. Animals, true, can hold it. But they can never know it. Not like a human could.

 

I was riding along in the car, thinking. We were just taking my grandma home and I was imagining myself looking for my own house for my own kids someday- I love to create and imagine, you see. I spoke up a little about this and my mom's boyfriend, Ray, stated, "If you're not happy now, you won't be happy then either." I started to express what I know can cheer me up and how I dont have access to traveling by myself enough. We got into talking about why I was alone so much. Before I knew it, they changed the topic and I sat in the back with tears (we already dropped my grandma off by then.) When someone finally noticed, they started almost attacking me- saying that I was bringing it upon myself... that I shouldnt expect so much from others and should recognize what is already being done for me by my family. I kept defending myself and defending myself.

 

Then, we got home. I ran into my room and crawled on the floor, sobbing. That's when my mom came to the door and started to state how she understood, how she COULD see it through my eyes though she did not stick up for me... and how she would like to change our relationship to stay by me more.

 

All the pain of the years spent living alone in my room came out and as she held me and I cried, as I cried it sounded as if I was throwing up and I felt like I was shrinking for that had been the only human touch I've had in a long time.

 

That's when I realized- THAT'S what matters. THAT's what makes life worthwhile. Makes it beautiful. Having others or even one person to see our true selves. Without that, we die. We have hopeless thoughts. We see no reasons to live.

 

A life alone can never achieve happiness. Let others see you and let them show you how to love yourself. That is true contentment in life.

 

Nothing else really matters if you have no one to share yourself with, no one to see. Nothing.

 

But when someone does, it opens a whole world inside you... and you'll wonder why you ever thought of death in the first place.

 

My dear friend, reach out to those around you before it is too late. To me, that is true bravery and that is what's worth living for. You can do it. Just NEVER give up. Try try again. There is a reason you are alive despite the pain and that is to learn that "a life without love is no life at all"

 

To have a happy life, we must give up our life- the selfishness of it. That is the paradox. That is the beauty. Live it

 

Without these struggles, I would have never known and let me tell you- it is worth is to know.

[MetalGuitar]

Wow... that's all I'm going to say.

 

Perfect blueangel... perfect.