Yup just as it says, I dunno if I wanna live anymore, don't really feel like. I don't really know what's keeping me from commiting suicide, but if I saw pills I would swallow them all and if I had a gun, I would put it in my mouth and pull the trigger already. I did try to commit suicide, but that was a long time ago when I was 12 b/c kids use to picked on me the whole time and one time two of them almost beat me up. That day I overdouse myself, luckly I made it. Now more than 8 years later those feelings are starting to come up again. I get nothing but bills, exams, getting step on sometimes over again, and the worst is that my girl and my first, only love, was everything to me, leaves me for the same dude, a loser.
Yesterday I call her three times, I told her to come back to me, that I'll change, told her she was everything, that I'll do things right this time. All I got back from her was mean nasty, such as "Oh you, you're worth nothing", or "Want me to come and beat you up right now", etc. Yes, she did cheated on me many times and also use to beat me up, whenever I made her made (maybe most of the beatings like getting 3 teeth knock, bottle thrown in my head and getting stiches, thrown against the wall, etc. were my fault, that I can understand, but not the cheatings).
Dunno wut to do now, don't feel like living and want her back so badly, I lover her. I do know that if I'm back with her, she'll hit me and cheat again, but I dunno why do I still love her. She's mean I know, but I want her, I'll do anything for her. So plz, help, don't think there is any way I can get over her. Now it's been like 3 months since she broke up and left me for the loser and still can't get over her. Also feel like going to the other guy's house and beating him up, I prollie lose the fight anyways, but it'll be good to give me a piece of my mind for taking my girl over from me.
