HELP--is this a polite "NO"? Why? It is hurtful

[spring1234]

Hi, This is loooong but I really need to figure it out.

 

I am friend with a guy.

 

I always like him a bit more than friend but didn't do anything than mentioned once that I can see him as friend+. And he asked if I was asking him out-I said no.

 

So last week was a bad week for him. He was sick and got into a fight with his boss. On the other hand the weather was great. I sent him an email on saying the life is too short to waste, why don'we go out on a date to enjoy it.

 

He responsed that he was still sick and he thinks next week would be better for us to hang out.

 

I was sort of happy . I answered the email on Sat and mentioned that is OK, I hope he get better soon and let me know what the plan.

 

Then I didn't get anything from him for the whole week. I start realizing maybe he doesn't really want to go out? Today(Fri) I sent an email with the title "so?" and asked him "so what is up?"

 

He didn't response and I saw him on his way out(I think he looks like on his way to a date), he told me "hey I need to go to boston this weekend, let's hang out next week". I said "Don't worry".

 

Now, I sort of know he is definitely not interested but I just don't know why he can't just say no or go out with me and sit down explain it to me?

 

Or he figure I would figure out "keep saying next week" == "NO"? And that is a easy way to let me down?

 

I am not in love with him. "NO" is not going to kill me. Really don't know why he is doing this to me

 

Somehow, the fact that he can't be straight forward with me is more hurtful than the simple "NO". I feel like I can't trust him anymore

 

Really need input on this.......

[gmiller2113]

I think the fact that you told him you were willing to go out with him is enough. Just wait it out for awhile but dont get your hopes up. He basically has the upper hand right now and it's all up to him if he wants something out of this.

 

Just my thought.

 

PS I have made a post titled "which way is better and why" on "attraction and flirting"I hope you can take some time to give me some feedback as I have yours..ty

[venus777]

i wouldn't worry too much about the choice of words, for some hanging out and date are equivalent. but it does suck that he couldn't give you a heads up before he ran into you about whether he was available or not...

[sidehop]

I think you're worrying too much. If I was sick and on top of it got in a fight with a boss, I'd keep pretty quiet...even if he wanted to hang out or 'go out' with you like he said, it's probably not really comfortable for him right now.

 

Hang in there & be there for him

[Cyndane]

I agree with others have said - just go things and not over analyse the situation. Sure, it would be nice for yourself to have some clarity from him but life doesn't always work that way. After all, you did cross the "friendship" line by suggesting a date and I'm sure that must change something between the two of you. I don't mean to sound blunt but if you sorta know he's not interested in you, then what difference does it make if he tells it to you or not?

[spring1234]

thanks for the responses guys. They make me feel better already

 

The thing that bother me the most is he said he want to hang out this week(next week in last week's email) and then he planed his Boston trip and went out on Friday(yesterday), pretended he didn't receive my email

 

He knows my cell phone number, he called me before. I think call me and say "hey, sorry but I need to ......" is basic politeness.

 

In stead of saying "I will call you" like most the guys did, he says "let's hang out next week"? To me, this is even worse.

[spring1234]

I am not sure he is not interested. Actually it was the other way around; I am not sure if I want to be his girlfriend--he is smart,sweat but I know his dark side.

 

I asked him out last week to cheer him up, I thought it is always good to find out people like you. And we could just have fun together. Bottom line, he would feel better.

 

What I got from him? nothing