Me again

[thegoodgirl04]

Hi I am trying like heck to move on, I just can't help to think (from the advise I have gotten from friends) that he is probably just going to jump right into another relationship with either his ex or someone else, from what they say guys usually have rebounds. It also bothers me a lot that he doesn't seem to care that we are broken up, I know this is silly thinking. I guess I'm just hurt, maybe I liked him more than he liked me, that would make it easy to get over. I'm just hurt that he basically pushed me away from the beginning of the relationship by keeping a fall back person just in case. I guess it's kind of sad for him, always keeping one foot out the door just in case. Of course I would pull away eventually, who wouldn't.

PS if you read my earlier posts they talk about two guys, one was a real gem I broke it off, I them started dating someone else back in july 04, that's who I'm talking about here.

[thegoodgirl04]

Does anyone else feel this way? I just feel like I'm a skipping record not able to get over this hump..

[NJRon]

Actually.. my ex is a female and I had the same concerns. She had one foot out the door and has been hopping from one guy to the next... I wouldn't say rebounds, so much as just sex. At first it kind of bothered me but, now, I just kind of acknowledge it and realize that it's really none of my business and if that's what she needs then that's what she needs. I don't and there's no "right" or "wrong"... just different.

 

But yeah, it sure as heck made me feel disposable.

[evy38]

It's over, so it's no longer productive for you to worry about what HE is doing and who HE may be seeing. It keeps your mind on him and your emotions tied to him. Start worrying about what YOU are doing and who YOU are going to start seeing. A better boyfriend and life is not only better for you, it's the best kind of revenge.

NC if you aren't already doing it.

[thegoodgirl04]

Thanks, I've already been doing NC for a week and a half, if I didn't do it, he would have just gone on like nothing happened. He is very passive and very insecure I feel and never gives him self to anyone because he doesn't feel like hes worth it. It stinks because you put so much into a relationship only to have it back fire, I guess I can look at it as I wouldnt do what he did to me, I'm definaltly a different person than he is. One question, was he always wanting to be with someone else, or is it just how his is? Hurts!

[kellbell]

Hi there,

I just looked at your older posts and I have to say you did the right thing. Have you ever noticed it is easy to tell others what is right for him/her but when it comes to doing the right thing for ourselves...it is like pulling teeth? We all have trouble and accepting what the right thing to do.

 

"I feel lonley scared and afraid that I won't meet anyone like him again."

 

This is a very normal feeling after a break-up. I have felt it before as well. It is the stinging of rejection that makes a person feel that way. Time will help heal these feelings.

 

"In the first two months, he lied to me about an ex. We went to a party and never told me an ex would be there, she acted strangley to me all night no eye contact stc, a week later I wasnt around so he went on a bike ride with this person, I was angry because by that time I had figured out that she was an ex and was not telling me that she was."

 

This behavior is inexcusable to me. I had this happen to me as well. Almost the same situation except I never met my ex's ex (LOL) but he lied to me about when she called and when he called. And he bought her something for Xmas and had lunch to see her and to give it to her! Whatever! And he fed the same BS, "we are just friends." You deserve so much better than this...I know I did.

 

"(from the advise I have gotten from friends) that he is probably just going to jump right into another relationship with either his ex or someone else,"

 

Ok...few things here. First, your friends need to be more supportive and compassionate then they have here. Instead of feeding your lonliness and insecurities, they need to be more supportive. Second, what does it matter now? You guys are no longer together, there is no need for you and your girlfriends to be gossiping about what MIGHT be. Instead, focus on getting your life together and recovering from this.

"From what they say guys usually have rebounds..."

 

Again, this statement is very inaccurate. This does not help you at all and also may give you false hope that this alleged rebound may not work and that he may come back to you. What is done is done. Look towards the future.

 

"I guess it's kind of sad for him, always keeping one foot out the door just in case. "

 

Again, stop feeling sad for him...he LIED to you about his ex and humiliated you at a party. Start worrying about you and how you feel...not him. Again, I strongly recommend that you and your friends refrain from gossiping about him and what he is doing and focus on you. You are never going to feel better about this unless you let go.

 

I am so sorry about your break-up. I am glad you have been doing NC. Keep up the good work. I truly hope you feel better real soon. Take care. (((hugs)))

[thegoodgirl04]

Thanks KellBell, your advice stings a little but it is true! I will eventually get over it, it's just hard because I see all of my friends in these great relationships and here I am, just coming out of a relationship where the guy didn't even respect me (pity party!).

[kellbell]

Hey there,

 

I am sorry my post stung a little...not my intention at all. I just feel that you deserve better and know what it is like to be lied to like that. It hurts!

 

I also feel that your friends can be a little more supportive. I know they mean well but I think they can go a different route. I know how you feel when all your friends are happy with their BFs and you are not. Gosh..I know that all to well. It will happen. I know you do not feel like that now...but it will.

 

Hang in there chica...you are doing great!