Confused, Refused and abused.

[Syncretic]

Hi all, this is my first post. This site has given me a lot of good advice, I was hoping for some more. I am 22, just broke up with the love of my life of 3 years, and am extremely confused. I know that she loves me, and I love her too, but I don't think she knows exactly what she wants. I was only 3 weeks ago that we broke up, & the most emotional turmoil I have faced in my life. The first week we both pretended nothing had happened to protect ourselves, talking on the phone everyday etc, I wasn't happy with how the situation was going. So in the second week I told her that we shouldn't talk or see each other anymore, at least that way I knew where our relationship stood. Goodbye confusion for a few days! But alas I saw her in a club last weekend, and by the next day we were sleeping together again. She told me it doesn't mean that we are together, just that we're really close. What the f%^&! does that mean! We are acting like we are together when we are alone, but around other people its like theres a big secret being kept, maybe shes just scared to admit to everyone that we're back together?! I know how I feel, I just want her back. I understand her reasons for breaking up (she wanted time for self development) and thats fine, but were does that leave me! Se is definitely not the type to play games, but I feel as if shes doing it without even knowing. I am happy just to be close and intimate with her, even if she doesn't want "to be together", but whats the point! I think that its all or nothing! I don't know. I can't see my life in the future without her, whether we are just friends, lovers, or married with kids. What do you guys think? 0X

[nancy_9535]

hey, this looks quite confusing... it looks like she probably does still love you... however the part where she acts like you two are together when you're alone but just friends to the public... sounds quite common... it happened to me... I didn't know what to think of it... I'm not sure why you two broke up, but it sounds like she's having a tough time with the breakup, too, and she feels she's happier when she's with you than without you....as for acting strangely in public... it looks like she doesn't want to admit that shes having trouble with the breakup. You may just want to talk to her... if you're offended by what she seems to be doing, simply tell her nicely... honestly she may not even notice what she's doing. And truly... it doesn't matter where you two are... both of you should always show the same respect towards each other. And remember... if you can't be bf and gf... being friends is better than nothing

[secret_agent_man]

It's definitely unhealthy to continue in this way. It's not good for either of you. You just need to talk it through and come to an agreement, even if it means you have no future together. That may be something you'll have to accept. You can't base a relationship on such a cloudy view of "togetherness".

 

S.A.M.

[Syncretic]

Thanx for the posts guys. I know that she still wants the relationship to work, the reason we broke up is that she lost her identity. All her love went to others, never enough left for herself. I suggested that we only see each other a couple of times a week so that she has plenty of time to concentrate on things that are important to her, whilst still being together, but she thought that would make her fall into the same bad habits again that caused her to be depressed in the first place. I don't understand how she can become less dependent on me in the sistuation we are in now, as much as I know its something she needs to do for herself, I can see her drifting back into the same problems. I don't know whether I should break it off completely, so that she can do whats she needs to, then maybe come back (or not), or to continue in the same direction and see what happens? I just want her to be happy, as well as me being happy, but all the signals Im getting say that we will "be together". I've told her that I'm not comfortable seeing other people at the moment, and she says the same, but maybe its a good idea, do you think it would help? Do I sound confused??? Have I confused you yet??