does your partner's ex's bother you?

[tykiela]

hello, I am so sick of hearing about his ex. sometimes that is why i think he ignores me so much. and the only time he really talks to me it's about her and all the mean thing she does to him. i thinks he think i am going to do the same to him. he gets mad at her and then he takes it out on me because he has no one else to take it out on. he even told me that when they met they had sex all the time and then after the relationship progressed she quit having sex with him. he even went into great deatails about what they did when they were having sex. i didn't want to know any of this stuff and found it very hurtful. he said she use to do some really kinky stuff and i know i will never be doing those kinds of things. so i wonder if he thought sex with her was better? i don'tknow, i just feel hurt.

[heavensent]

That's uncalled for. You need to tell him how you feel and if he doesn't stop maybe you need to get out of this relationship. Now, on the other hand, I used to talk about my ex a lot with my boyfriend (now husband), the reason I would tell him about my past relationships was because of the things that my ex did that bothered me so he knew not to do those things. I didn't reminisce and I didn't go into details about our sex life. I don't think your boyfriend is necessarily comparing you to her, but he might be trying to tell you that he wants you to be more kinky or that he doesn't want you to start being less sexually active the further in the relationship you get the way she did. He is doing it the wrong way though and you need to bring it to his attention. I didn't even notice how much I talked bout my ex until my husband told me it bothered him. Once he brought it up I noticed how much I really did and I put a stop to it.

[annie24]

yeah, that is really hurtful. Relationships should make you feel better. I would feel horrified if all my new boyfriend ever talked to me about was his ex girlfriend. As hard as it may be, I would personally break up with him. He seems not to be over his ex. Let's face it - when you are over your ex, you stop talking about them. He's being disrespectful to you by continuing to bring it up. I would tell him that it bothers you, and if he doesn't stop, find a new boyfriend.

 

good luck

[heavensent]

Annie, I semi-disagree. I was completely over my ex when I talked about him. It's just I had so much history that the majority of my memories consisted of us..so lets say we were doing something where I had done something really silly one time, well I may share this with my husband and just because it was something I did with an ex does not mean I'm not over him, it's a simple memory. Now, him talking about their sexual relationship is a different story but I think he might be doing it in a way that he doesn't really think he is hurting his girlfriend...once he knows that it's hurting her, if he continues to do it then that's a whole different ballgame..but I think he may just understand and realize how horrible it sounded. Hey, maybe YOU should say "oh, yeah, well my ex and I used to blah blah blah" and then after you say it see his reaction...ask him how it made him feel...most likely he will get your point.

[kellbell]

tykiela,

 

Is this the same dude whom does not call you or return your phone calls?

[annie24]

There's a difference between the occasional funny story and ....

 

 

 

You shouldn't ever feel like 90% of the conversations you and your boyfriend have are about your ex.

[tykiela]

hi kellbell,

yeah it's the same guy. i think he goes on the computer so often to hide from the bullcrap that she is putting him through. i don't usually mind that often when he just venting about her. but the part about the sex bugs the living crap out of me.

[annie24]

ok, so, he doesn't call you, doesn't return your calls, and constantly talks about his sex life with his ex.

 

Why are you still with this guy?????

[RayKay]

Dump him.

 

Absolutely serious.

 

That is not acceptable, why settle for someone whom can only live in the past and takes his anger for his ex out on you. And the sexual details? Unecessary and cruel to you.

 

Also, usually when someone talks about their ex so much - even in anger - it's because the feelings are still strong.

[tykiela]

i can't get what he said about the sex with her out of my mind. i can kinda forgive the other stuff but not that.

[annie24]

i can't get what he said about the sex with her out of my mind. i can kinda forgive the other stuff but not that.

 

So, you are ok with not being called and not having him return your calls? Why do you want someone who ignores you? The whole purpose of having a boyfriend is to have someone who adores you and spends quality time with you. Like I said on a previous thread, if I wanted to be ignored, I would get a cat.

[shau_nee]

what exactly did he say to you about his ex and sex? i'm just curious because i think that is what is hurting you the most.

[tykiela]

he told me all the strange places that they use to have sex at. and when they first met she wanted sex all the time and then later on in the relationship she cut him off from sex. i asked him why and he said he had cheated on her. so i often wonder if he will do the same to me.

[Süsser Tod]

No, he won't do the same to you, because you are going to dump him.

 

Seriously, why does he has to hide on the computer? Can't he just get rid of her? Like most of us have done with stalking exes?

 

Nothing of what he is putting you through can be part of a healthy relationship, and I seriously doubt he is really serious with you. You look more than a rebound than a true gf.