Five happy years so far. The Next Step?

[RandomAdvisor]

The end of this May will be the five year anniversary for me and my girlfriend. I'm 24. She's turning 22 at the end of August. The first year of our relationship was spent together, but soon after she went away to college. It's been long distance ever since, and we've only had the summers, a couple of holidays, and the occasional visit to see each other. We did have some problems during her first year away (check my threads started for the details if you're interested). It's in the past and we have three happy years together since then, and things will be changing soon. She's graduating from school this June (I graduate next June) and will be moving back home, which is very close to mine. She's spoken to her father and it looks like she will be moving into a separate apartment in her house which has been vacant for the past year. In all likelihood, I will be moving in there with her. My Magic 8 Ball says "not likely" when presented with the question of either one of her parents having a problem with it.

 

Her parents love me. After she went away to school, I continued going to her house at least once a week. Her mother and I watch some of the same TV shows, so I'd continue to go there and hang out with her mother to watch them. It's corny, I know, but that's the way things have been for the past four years.

 

I look back on these past four years and I wonder where all the time has gone. When she first went away I wondered if we were foolish to stay together. We all know the old mantra. "Long distance relationships don't work." Well, apparently we've defied the odds because after the first year time flew by and soon she'll be wondering how to get rid of me because there wont be hundreds of miles of distance getting in my way of tormenting her. Kidding.

 

Five years together is a long time without any sort of major commitment. But given our circumstances (age, school) it's understandable. School is pretty much over though, and although we're both still relatively young, we're not getting any younger.

 

She dropped the first hint of wanting to get married in January when I was on vacation and spending it locked up with her in her dorm room.

 

More recently we had a sort of "State of the Relationship" talk two weeks ago when she was here on Spring break, and we discussed living together. Marriage wasn't brought up directly, although maybe it should have been. I've heard through the grapevine that her entire family expects us to get married eventually.

 

 

It's often said that people do a lot of growing up and changing at college and the surrounding years. We've all heard the growing apart stories. Me and her haven't grown apart at all. We've grown closer. She's a geek's dream! A GEEK'S DREAM!!!! She has gotten genuinely interested in nearly all of my hobbies in the time we've been together. Video games. Comic books. A lot of the same TV shows too. Mostly Sci Fi stuff, like Star Trek, Farscape and most recently Battle Star Galactica. If there are any other geeks out there reading this post, I know what you are thinking – NO YOU CAN'T HAVE HER!!

 

So why aren't we engaged already? Because I'm a realist. Much as I love her and how well we get along, I've always been aware of our age. I'm not religious but I take the commitment of marriage very seriously. We're in our early 20's now and if we were to marry soon, we would probably spend the next forty years together at least. I don't want to become another divorce statistic. In addition to that, this is the first major relationship for either of us. She is the only woman I've ever slept with, and I am the same for her. We're all looking for that special someone even from an early age, but when you actually meet them immediately – it's a little intimidating. Although I must admit I don't have anything else to compare her to, I really don't see how I could possibly ever get more from any other woman. If we ever broke up, I think at best that I would find another version of her, if I was lucky. The thought of breaking up and spending the next several years of my life dating and doing random hookups to hopefully find someone just as good as what I have now seems pretty stupid to me.

 

And yet, I'm still a little apprehensive about making the Big Commitment, which I guess it natural. I know I could have asked her two or more years ago and she probably would have said yes, so I have to be double cautious for the both of us.

 

There are three potential problems for us, and they are all relatively small I think. The hobbies/interests she picked up from me are basically the only ones she has. Prior to meeting me all she had was schoolwork and a toxic friendship that she soon ended. Its great that we like so many of the same things, but there are times I wish she had her own things to do so we could both have our own space. This has never been a major issue because the few weeks we've had together inbetween school for the past four years are always precious. But if we're going to be spending the rest of our lives together it could be a major problem.

 

Communication can be a little bad sometimes on her part. We know each other so well that she sometimes makes the mistake of assuming too much from me. She'll say X, but really mean Y, and assume I'll know she really means Y because I know her so well. More often than not it works out because I know what she really means, but there are times I get it wrong and she gets a little upset. I'll give specific examples later on. This is more of a typical issue I think that is the subject of jokes from standup comics with women saying one thing and expecting their man to hear her say another.

 

Boredom. Honestly, things are so good between us that we fall into a routine. The exciting relationships are where bad things are always happening. Maybe I should cheat on her a couple times or punch her in the face to keep things interesting?

 

KIDDING!!!

 

I know we would have to work to keep things interesting, but I guess that's something all successful marriages have to deal with.

 

There's so much more I could say but I have a bad habit of saying too much and I'm starting to feel like I'm rambling. Does it sound like we have what it takes to make it work in the long haul? Should I just be content with moving in together for now? And if so, what should I look for to indicate whether or not this is really going to last? The last 5 years have been great, but being around each other all the time and even living together is going to change the dynamic of our relationship. I'm hoping it will be for the better. I'd love to hear any and all comments, especially from people who are married, and even more especially from people who married young.

[tyler711]

You sound like you have a picture perfect relationship. You're both smart with future degrees. You've held together a distance relationship that most people give up on. Her family supports both of you. Now is the time for engagement, and marriage. Ask her to marry you! I'd say, without a doubt that you both have what it takes to make it work. If all relationships had half the potential and good qualities as yours does, then there wouldn't be much of a divorce rate.

[RayKay]

I have been waiting for this thread

 

You know....I don't think from what you have described that they are in themselves any reason NOT to take it further.

 

There are studies that have shown that couples that are successful in the long term of marriage are those that ARE aware of the weaknesses and the conflicts, and whom work together with them - rather then ignore them. I read a study recently that said that almost ALL relationships have some irreconcilable differences that will always be there, but it's the couples whom recognize them, work to communicate and work together on them are those that are happier, and successful. Those whom ignore them...realize well, a pink elephant does not like to be ignored and tends to get angry eventually.

 

Are you two perfect? No, probably not. But honestly, I would suggest any couple that believes they are perfect, and above conflict, and never fight....are denying the pink elephant exists. Notice how it is often those couples that seemed so perfect together that are the ones that surprise us most with big divorces? It's not how often you fight (or don't)...it's HOW you fight that matters. This is where that communication and conflict resolution comes in!

 

Yes, you are both young and relatively inexperienced, but what matters is you choose to be together, and choose to make that commitment. Love is a choice - I am sure you realized that when you first had those problems early on, where you chose to work at it, right? Sometimes we choose to stop working on it, but it sounds to me you are both smart, intelligent, caring and level headed. And I think YOU two can make the right decision for you, whatever that is.

 

I would suggest working on that boredom thing though - always reconnect, always nourish one another, there is ALWAYS something to learn about one another...if you feel you have run out of things to learn, you are not trying hard enough

 

I can see the concerns about her having all your interests, it's not NECESSARILY a bad thing unless it also compromises her identity. Keep your neat interesting individual selves alive too.

 

Should you move in together first? That's a very personal choice. Some don't believe in it - I do for my own reasons think it IS good to move in with the person you are serious about marrying first...not to live with everyone, but be selective..lol....but others disagree for their own reasons. It may help you to at the VERY least live near one another again for a while and see how that goes though You also could get engaged and live together before getting married, this might be a good choice.

 

It sounds to me like you are serious about her, and from your posts before, it is very obvious you love her, and she you and you have had your issues, but whom hasn't? Ultimately, what do YOU want and believe?

 

I personally think you are ready...but only YOU really know that

[Beyondthesea]

In my mind you sound very ready for this. You've thought through everything, kept the relationship strong through an elongated LDR, and worked through some difficult times together.

 

Your relationship is mature, and very admirable. I really think you are ready for the next level. And nothing says you have to be married immediately either. Stay engaged for about a year while you live together just to be sure and everything should work out nicely.

[BellaDonna]

Your situation sounds a lot like mine was, minus the long-distance aspect. I met my husband when I was a teenager. I went to college for a BA and an MA, and we did not get married until I was done. Even before that, we lived together first, and remained engaged quite a while before we set an actual wedding date.

 

We were both very young when we met, and aside from one another we do not have all that much relationship experience. He was the only one I ever slept with, and I cherish that. He's the only one that has that piece of my heart- and I wanted to keep it that way. We always felt "right" togehter. The times people told us we'd grow apart (college)- we only grew closer.

 

If it is meant to be, you should not feel the need to rush into marriage. If she is "the one", everything will fall into place. Not everyone has to go through a ton of relationships to be sure they found "the one". Consider yourself lucky if you did not have to get your heart broken a bunch of times before you found her.

 

I know we would have to work to keep things interesting, but I guess that's something all successful marriages have to deal with.

 

 

This is very true. But as you said, it is true for all marriages. What I think is even more important to a marriage is having a strong foundation. If you have been together for so long, and grew closer throughout the various phases of your lives, you have a history which is very valuable. Not all marriages are built upon that same kind of strong foundation. Some people get married too fast without really getting to know their partner, or get married for the wrong reasons, and I believe that's why divorce is such an epidemic.

 

 

BellaDonna

[RandomAdvisor]

I've often hear that you shouldn't marry the person you can live with, you should marry the person you can't live without.

 

That's a quote from annie in another thread, and I think it sums up some of my apprehension about this whole thing. Yes, I'm a level headed person. But I'm afraid I'm being a little too level headed about this. I hear stories about other couples being extremely happy/head over heels in love when they get married and engaged. It makes me feel a little guilty because although I love my GF, I wouldn't describe myself as head over heels. But then again, how many of those "head over heels" couples are still together ten years later? There I go thinking again...

 

I'm probably more than a little bit numb. I meant to mention this in the first post but another thing I consider is where *I* am in my life irregardless of my GF. I'm not happy. I'm mildly depressed. My therapist thinks I should consider taking anti depressants. I'm not very open to the idea. It's all due to issues I've been dealing with long before my GF. I posted about that as well a while back here, and that thread coincidentally fizzled out after the same number of replies I got to this one so far - four. Not surprised in hindsight. Who wants to reply to someone who comes accross as a know it all who already has it all figured out already?

 

These forums can be so deceptive sometimes. You can read so much about a person from their own words and in the end only get a jaded view of them. Rereading my initial post to this thread I give the appearance of a responsible young adult ™ getting ready to embark on the road of life and adulthood. I feel like a baby. I look like a baby (was recently told by someone at work who's only seen me twice that I'll die looking like I'm 12. It's true). I'm 24 years old and I don't feel it. I lost two and a half years of my life in highschool to clinical depression. I'm losing another in college because I'm too ****ing lazy to take the number of classes per semester required to graduate in four years. I have absolutely no idea what I want to do once I graduate that will actually make me happy.

 

So yeah, maybe I'm not at a point in my life where I'm ready for this...but as Raykay said I'd probably be the best judge of that. I go back and forth.

 

I'll end with a true story about the kind of communication things I wish my GF didn't do. This happened last summer.

 

My GF gets sores on her feet very easily from walking too much, especially in the summer. There is a pizza place a little more than 20 minutes walk from my house that makes great pizza. So one day she asks me if I want to walk there and get some pizza. Now, I know that is a hint from her that she is hungry and wants some food. I was hungry too, but didn't want to go and do 40 minutes+ worth of walking when I know how her feet get. My solution? I decided to just order a pie from them and pick it up by car to bring it home.

 

The next day there is still left over pizza, and I had to go to work. My GF asked me if I was hungry and wanted her to make me anything before I left. I said that I was, but would rather eat leftovers from the day before. She starts to get upset (I can tell, body language) but says nothing. So I told her to tell me what's wrong. And then she tells me that I often don't do what she wants, and sites my refusal to go for a walk yesterday and get pizza the day before as an example. I then pointed out to her that she didn't tell me she wanted to go for a walk and get pizza, she asked me if I was hungry. All I did was answer honestly and opt not to walk. If she had just told me she wanted to go for a walk I would have said yes. And then she wanted to make me some food, but instead of just saying so she goes into passive aggressive mode and gives me the opportunity to give her the answer she doesn't want to hear.

 

Relatively simple, I know. She drove me crazy with things like this at the beginning of the relationship and I've asked her repeatedly to stop. I've come to accept it's not going to change. It's just a problem when something other than a routine or small thing comes up. Because when it's a big problem that should addressed quickly, she is guaranteed to not say anything and let it fester for a while.

[RayKay]

Hey some_guy,

 

I am not sure, but have you been on anti-depressants before? Do you have a bad history with them or are just nervous to take them due to other possible side effects? I really don't think you should rule them out entirely..I have known many people to take them for a certain period of time and have very good results from them. If you are depressed, it's not just that you aren't positive enough, it's that you CAN'T be positive enough as there is a chemical imbalance. The drugs don't fake your happiness, they just help fix this chemical imbalance.

 

Don't get married if you are not sure about it....I think there is a difference between looking forward to it and wanting it but having some cold feet to that of really not being into it but doing it as it feels like it's the next step you SHOULD do.

 

It sounds like you are feeling somewhat "lost" in life right now, and most people will go through something like that in their life. Heck, it took me until 5 years after I graduated with my BA to figure out what I wanted to do! Don't be discouraged by not knowing yet...in the face of things, you are still young....I know how you feel as I used to be surrounded by people whom "knew what they wanted" - turns out while some of them did and are happy with their choice, most ended up doing what they felt they wanted, but found they didn't! Life is a journey, a process. What you do in a year, is not necessarily what you have to be doing in 20.

 

If your gf was not in your life - would you feel more lost or less lost? Does the positive you have with her outweight those issues? Do you think some pre-marital counselling to aid with better communication could solve some of those?

 

What does your HEART tell you?

[RandomAdvisor]

I was on Zoloft for a few months at the end of 1997 beginning of 1998. I stopped taking them against the advice of my then therapist because my parents insisted I didn't need them, despite the fact I had gone from being an honors student to failing literally all of my classes. For the time I took them they really did help me. My average was in the 90's for my first report card. It was back down to the 50's by the end of the term though

 

I had a lot of external problems back then. In December of 97 when the firefighters and police were in front of my house as it was burning, one of the cops said he remembered coming to the house earlier in the year when my grandmother died. In addition to that it was the same things I'm dealing with now (in other post). Bored with school, too easy, no sense of accomplishment...

 

I'm not totally averse to the idea of taking anti depressants, I'm just reluctant too. I don't like the idea that I have to take some medication to fix myself when I'm likely to be facing these kinds of things for years to come. I should be able to learn to just deal with it. What happens when I graduate and I probably end up in a job I don't like? Go back to taking meds because I'm not totally satisfied with things? The problems I have now are all problems I create for myself...

 

If there is no chemical imbalance and I take the drugs, then what do they do, nothing?

 

How would I feel if I didn't have my GF? I'm honestly not sure, which is why I put that quote from annie at the top of my last post. I've had to train myself to not get too attached to her so I wouldn't miss her too much for the (majority) time we'd be apart. Maybe I've gotten too good at it.

 

Yeah, the positives I have with her outweigh the problems. It's why I'm still with her. I'd want to go to pre marital counseling regardless of whether or not I think it would fix the communication problem. I doubt it would. I've told her "Don't worry, you can tell me" till I'm blue in the face, and yet she still does things like say "I want to go for a walk" in the form of a question that doesn't even hint at what she wants. The other night she got mad at me because I was cracking jokes on her sister, and when she started our usual phone conversation off with "I'm really, really angry with you right now" I was actually happy she said that. Not happy she was angry at me, but happy that she actually said it. Her sister thought a particular joke I made was out of line. I put things in context and she wasn't upset anymore.

 

My heart has left a note saying "Out to lunch. Back in 15 minutes." It's been a couple of hours.

[RayKay]

 

I'm not totally averse to the idea of taking anti depressants, I'm just reluctant too. I don't like the idea that I have to take some medication to fix myself when I'm likely to be facing these kinds of things for years to come. I should be able to learn to just deal with it. What happens when I graduate and I probably end up in a job I don't like? Go back to taking meds because I'm not totally satisfied with things? The problems I have now are all problems I create for myself...

 

If there is no chemical imbalance and I take the drugs, then what do they do, nothing?

 

It might be worth a try, though I of course think taking them is a personal choice. Sometimes they can help you think a bit more clearly - I have always heard that you cannot rely on them on their own for the reasons you mentioned though....you have to combine them with therapy as well to work through the issues for the best results.

 

There are a few different classes of anti-depressants that are used, so sometimes it is also about finding the right one.

 

I don't think I would write off it being a chemical imbalance - it sounds like you have a almost constant low-grade depression which can be aided with medication and therapy at least to some degree. Maybe to great degree. But what you are doing now isn't working, so it's worth a try maybe?

 

 

How would I feel if I didn't have my GF? I'm honestly not sure, which is why I put that quote from annie at the top of my last post. I've had to train myself to not get too attached to her so I wouldn't miss her too much for the (majority) time we'd be apart. Maybe I've gotten too good at it.

 

Possibly, it's not uncommon in an LDR that in order to get through those times apart you learn to operate quite separately from them.

 

Yeah, the positives I have with her outweigh the problems. It's why I'm still with her. I'd want to go to pre marital counseling regardless of whether or not I think it would fix the communication problem. I doubt it would. I've told her "Don't worry, you can tell me" till I'm blue in the face, and yet she still does things like say "I want to go for a walk" in the form of a question that doesn't even hint at what she wants. The other night she got mad at me because I was cracking jokes on her sister, and when she started our usual phone conversation off with "I'm really, really angry with you right now" I was actually happy she said that. Not happy she was angry at me, but happy that she actually said it. Her sister thought a particular joke I made was out of line. I put things in context and she wasn't upset anymore.

 

Did you positively reinforce her when she approached you with that the other night? It sounds like she maybe does it as she is a little unsure of herself, maybe partly her youth and that she has been with you for a lot of her adult life. When she DOES voice her concerns without that passive aggressive thing, reinforce it by showing how good can come if it - which I think you did. Hopefully over time she will see that she CAN have a conflict/issue with something and bring it to you without fearing a negative reaction.

 

My heart has left a note saying "Out to lunch. Back in 15 minutes." It's been a couple of hours.

 

 

 

Well, I certainly can't say whether you should or shouldn't - marriage is such a major commitment (at least it should be!) that I think one should only do it when they truly want to. And only you will know that ultimately.

[BellaDonna]

I'd want to go to pre marital counseling regardless of whether or not I think it would fix the communication problem.

 

I think premaritial counseling is a great idea. I also think you should refrain from making any major decisions about marriage, or anything else until you have resolved the personal conflicts such as depression, etc. When you're going through a rough time it can really change your way of thinking overall and cause you to make decisions that you may not have made otherwise.

 

BellaDonna

[latina07]

wow!! there's a lot to read about you. lol!! you have gone through a lot of things some guy and to be honest with you, i think your thinking is pretty good despite your hard memories. regardig your antidepressants. i do feel like you do. i do not medications. i feel they always come up with some syndrome for symntoms people have. and ofcourse they give you drugs that mess with your natural chemicals in your brain and body. i feel like if you're not phisically hurting yourself and you're not shooting people out there for no reason that you should try to stay off them for as long as you feel is apropiate. i think propossing to your girl is a good idea. i moved in with my first love when i found out i was pregnate ( he was not the fathe of my son but loved him like his) (for some reason i would like to keep to myself in this thread) so we were the same. he like what i like and i liked what he liked. there was no place he went (besides his job) that i did not go and also the other way around. we were so in love and inseparable. never really argued and if we did it was for little bs. we were so happy until we had to let go. what im trying to tell you is that i feel you guys are good together and that after you propose to her and move in together you will still take care of your school, but will have other things to do around the house, with your future wife, it'll be very inspiring. and if you're worried about her not having hobbies of her own now. do not worry!!! she will be trying to learn how to cook different kinds of food for you, how to make your home nicer, how to surprise you, or how to do something nice for you in bed etc. you will both start a whole new life but now as a live in couple. it won't be happily ever after, there will be issues but the way you guys sound you will overcome them if you deal with them in the right way. you better always keep us posted.

[RandomAdvisor]

When I'm with my GF she makes me happy. I'd definitly characterize any depression I'm suffering from now as mild. Back in High School I was really, really bad. A totally different place than where I am now. At the moment I just don't have anything to really be unhappy about, but I am a bit...

 

You've all given me something to think about, and it'll be on my mind a lot. She's coming down this Wednesday for a few days vacation. I'll have another chat with her about the future. Perhaps I'll propose on our 5th anniversary. Like some of you have said, we can have a long engagement to see how things go.

 

Oh yeah, and as far trying something different, I'm doing that now. I only started seeing a counselor at my school this February. So maybe this will be enough for me and I wont need the meds. I'll have to see...

[RandomAdvisor]

So yeah, I'm going to ask her to marry me.

 

I just finished spending the better part of two weeks with her on Spring break. We talked a lot. About our relationship, general stuff.... We were in the shower sharing a bottle of wine talking about lots of different things. Maybe it was kind of strange, but it was then that I decided I would ask her. I just don't see how I could ever possibly get anything more from anyone else. One thing I realized during the course of that conversation is that I often see her as being fragile, and don't give her enough credit for how strong she is and has been. Before she met me she had numerous losers (and I mean real slime balls) come on to her. She was the shy quiet type, and you'd almost guess that she would have caved in to them just to have somebody. She didn't. One guy in particular had been a childhood friend but he grew up to be a jerk in his teen years, and tried to put the moves on her big time. After that, it's like he was dead to her. If more women were like that the world would be a better place. As far as my own depression and personal issues, we probably wont actually get married for a year. She makes me happy. I love the person that I am when I'm around her. And I want to make her happy. Today I've been thinking about how I'll actually propose to her and it puts a smile on my face.

 

Oh yeah, I'm jumping ahead. I'm definitely moving in with her. I knew that even before I decided I would ask her to marry me. She was apprehensive about speaking to her parents about me moving in with her, and how much rent we would have to pay. Her dad was giggling like a school girl when she was asking him about it. He's totally fine with it and doesn't plan on charging us any rent. He hasn't given me the "Are you going to marry my daughter?" speech. The day he told her he wouldn't charge us, he was talking about buying us furniture.

 

I know it sounds crazy, but from where I stand I know it will be fine. With other people this kind of a thing would probably have many strings attached. With him I know there are none. We're not even sure exactly how much he wants to buy us. The only thing he mentioned specifically was closets, because the apartment doesn't have any. If we have to buy the rest of the furniture ourselves that's fine. Much as she might occasionally complain I spend too much money on my bike, I save a lot.

 

 

Anyway, back to my GF and deciding to ask her. I initiated some more "hypothetical" conversations about marriage and engagement. I have an idea of what kind of ring she wants, and unfortunately (only a little bit) she wants a diamond. I guess that's one part of her that's typical. She grew up with the Cinderella stories, and she wants her Prince Charming to give her a diamond. So that's what she'll get. I know she would be ok with another stone like a ruby or emerald, but what she really wants is a diamond. Despite the fact I think they're over priced, I'm still going to get her the most expensive one I can afford. After doing some research I've concluded it's safe to buy engagement rings online, and they're cheaper that way. So that's what I'm going to do. More diamond for the money. I'm setting a budget for the ring at $3,000.

 

Here's my plan for asking her to marry me. I need some imput here to see if you women think this is romantic enough. Our anniversary is May 23rd, a tuesday. She has class during the week. Memorial day weekend starts the 27th, so we've agreed that she will delay coming down until Friday and then we can take advantage of the big furniture sales. My plan is to contact administration of the college and convince them to get me into her dorm room when she isn't there on the day of our anniversary. She comes back to her room, opens the door, and there I am on bended knee with the ring in my hand and the sad puppy face telling her how much I love her and asking her to marry me. I can get rose petals to put on the floor and candles to set the mood. And champaign...

 

I think it sounds good, but I'm not sure about it because I thought of it too quickly. Is it elaborate enough? There are details to be worked out to be sure. I'll need to enlist the help of my GF's friend to make sure she isn't in the room when I get there. I don't have her # though, so I'll need to get that when I contact the college too. Of course the college might think the whole thing is a prank when I call them, so I'll have to do it at my Gf's house and tell them to call her home #. I pick up the phone, and they know it's real.

 

I told her mother earlier tonight that I'm planning on asking her. She had one of those kool aid smiles that you can't get off of your face, even though she was trying. I would tell her dad too, but he is the type that might say something and let it slip in a conversation to her even though he doesn't mean to.

[RayKay]

I think that all sounds GREAT some_guy! I think you have definitely thought this out - not just the proposal but the marriage - something more people need to do!

 

I personally have nothing against living together first, I think it's a great idea...besides, you will be engaged by then anyway...hehe.

 

I think your surprise proposal sounds absolutely wonderful - I hope you can work it out! Maybe her mom can help convince the school administration - they can be tough to deal with. If they are reluctant, the other alternative is to be set up the flower petals etc on the front steps of her dorm and ask her there when she comes walking up.

 

Don't worry about "elaborate" - most women care more that it is heartfelt and sincere - it automatically becomes memorable.

[RandomAdvisor]

Glad to hear my proposal idea gets the RayKay seal of approval.

 

If it's a good idea I'm going to make it happen. There are numerous levels of management at colleges. The left hand doesn't know what the right is doing. I'll start at the top first, and if they don't like it, I can go to campus security. If campus security wont do it, then I'll go to campus services. And if none of them will do it, then I'll have to enlist the help of my GF's friend to steal her room key and make a copy for me.

 

I'd rather not do it on the steps of the dorm. I think we would both prefer to keep it in private.

[RandomAdvisor]

Well, I ordered the ring last Monday. I got an e-mail saying it was shipped out yesterday. I expect to receive it before this week is up. Not sure if I will bother having it independently appraised...but probably.

 

This isn't an exact picture of my ring, but it will look like this.

 

image removed

 

The center stone is .79 carat (3/4 of a carat), I color SI2 clarity. Radiant cut. The side diamonds are trillion. The ring itself will be white gold. Price: just over my $3,000 budget.

[RayKay]

It's beautiful guy....she will love it.

[RandomAdvisor]

I'll post some pictures of the actual ring. I must admit that after doing all the research and looking at many pictures of diamonds that I must admit they are beautiful stones. That being said I would love them so much more if they only cost about 1/4 of what they actually do

 

I think she will like it too, my only concern is that the stone is eye clean since it's an SI2. If I had more money I would have loved to have gotten her a bigger stone of better clarity that was whiter...yadda yadda yadda. But as it is I'm spending a year's savings on this and I had to compromise between all the four C's. I'm happy with the stats on the one I got...

[RayKay]

I personally never understood going into too much financial debt over a ring, $3,000 is more then enough! It's not the amount that is spent, it's the meaning and commitment behind it that is priceless.

[RandomAdvisor]

lol

 

I agree. What I'm spending is the average according to some google searches on the topic. It's all savings for me, no debt....it's what I can afford. But for her I'll always be wishing I can afford more.

[RandomAdvisor]

The ring arrived yesterday. She was actually here visiting so I had to use some trickery to make sure she didn't have any clue, as well as lie and say I had to use the bathroom so I could inspect it. In any event, here are some pics.

 

 

The tag has to remain on for return purposes. I'm having the ring appraised next week.

 

 

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[RandomAdvisor]

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The last two pics are of it on my pinky finger. Ain't my hand purdy?

[BellaDonna]

That's a nice ring. I'm sure she'll love it.

 

Let us know how you make out!

 

 

BellaDonna

[RayKay]

You could be a hand model! LOL.

 

It's a beautiful ring, and I know she will love it (and love showing it off too!).

 

The day is approaching, have you worked out how you are going to get into her room yet?

 

RayKay

[RandomAdvisor]

Yup. I've been talking to her best friend at the school. They were roomates together freshman year. It's not uncommon for the best friend to be in her room alone. My GF has a few minutes inbetween classes that she usually spends eating in her room. The plan is for the best friend to go to the room with my GF after her first class, and remain inside "studying" after my GF leaves. She'll then call me when the coast is clear and let me in.