Confused ?!?!?!?!?

[hopelesscase]

I am a bit confused by the way this lass I met has been towards me.

 

We met 2 months ago online and got on very well from the offset, we met up within a week and it went very well, we continued to stay in touch via txt and IM we met 2 more times, on the second she kissed me goodbye, and on the third we slept together (which I realise was way to soon) (we are both lesbians btw). Anyway after that I thought there was somthing between us and jumped in with both feet and asked her out. She said she liked me, but couldn't give me a relationship at the moment, could we be friends and if somthing eventually happens then great. Then the txts stopped, and she stopped being online to IM (around this time she also started to do an open uni course which I know takes up alot of her time), when I confronted her about this she just said she had been busy.

 

Well it is now a month on from then, we are still in touch but only via messages on the website where we met, we havent met up, despite me asking her (not all the time) she jus says she busy or hasnt got any money, I have tried to back off a bit and just keep things light and friendly.

 

Is this jus her way of slowing things down between us?

Should I confront her about it? (I would prefer to do this in person)

Is she jus being polite and staying in touch?

Is she just after friendship?

Is it possible to come bac from jumping in to fast and scaring the other person off?

Why wont she meet up with me?

[RooferGirl23]

Mayebe she also feels that it was too soon to sleep together, and may feel awkward, but she dont want to tell you to hurt your feelings. i would give her some time, but still keep in touch, though, but not too much.

[WildChild]

I would have to say, based on what you have told us, and I could be wrong, but I think you basically got duped with a one night stand

[hopelesscase]

I dont believe it was a one night stand neither of us our that kind of people, anyway the sleeping together was initiated by me.

 

If she did get scared then I wish I could get her to talk to me about it, I know I cant but it would be nice to know how she is feeling, but she is not good at talking about her feelings, and as I am not sure where she is coming from it is difficult to know how to proceed, it is killing me inside not knowing if I have blown my chance with her.

[southerngirl]

She sounds like a player.. Chalk it up to experiance and dont contact her again... If she contacts you.... play it cool but dont let yourself get personal anymore..

 

Sorry there are man players and lady players and I think you got played hon.

[hopelesscase]

Shes not a player!

[Bethany]

I think you should take the hint. She's just either not that bothered if she meets you or not or maybe when she said she just wanted friendship, she meant it. If you need more in your life than that, then start looking for someone who feels the same.

[hopelesscase]

Im happy with friendship if that is all she wants, I just wish she could be stright with me so I knew where I stood, at the moment I am not sure.

[Bethany]

If you're not sure, take it as the decision has already been made...She only wants friendship. Think of her now as a friend and that you are no longer romantically involved with her and get on with your life.

 

In the future if she decides she wants to make a real effort at you becoming a couple, it will be a pleasant surprise.

[WildChild]

I'm normally the hopeless romantic (ask anyone), but I have to say this really comes through as a one night stand. Whether a one night stand, or she realized after the sex that it wasn't going to work, or whatever....if this was someone who slept with me and then basically avoided me from there on out, you know what people would be saying? He used you If it walks like a duck, looks like a duck, and sounds like a duck, it's a duck.

 

Try this. Don't contact her anymore. See what happens. How long before she will call you? And when she does, I would bet the farm it is for one thing: sex. Then see how long afterwards it takes for this cycle to begin all over.

[hopelesscase]

For one I was the one who initiated the sleeping together, she was the one who was unsure about it. Which says to me she isnt a player. Plus not all lesbians are just out for sex, some of us do want relationships as well, I wonder if you would be telling me the same things if I had not mentioned we were gay!!

 

For two she hasnt cut all contact we are still in touch via messages on the site where we met, generally on a daily basis and she still has an interest in my life and wot i am doing which is why I am getting confused.

[Bethany]

. Plus not all lesbians are just out for sex, some of us do want relationships as well, I wonder if you would be telling me the same things if I had not mentioned we were gay!!

 

I just wanted to say to that.... my opinion and advice would be the same.

[WildChild]

Plus not all lesbians are just out for sex, some of us do want relationships as well, I wonder if you would be telling me the same things if I had not mentioned we were gay!!

 

For two she hasnt cut all contact we are still in touch via messages on the site where we met, generally on a daily basis and she still has an interest in my life and wot i am doing which is why I am getting confused.

 

Absolutely unbelievable. I resent comments like that, and the absurdity of people who make them. You came here asking for people's opinions, and as soon as you get what basically is the consensus that you probably were "used" you throw in the whole gay/lesbian thing. Give me a break. And we wonder why this world is the way it is. Comments and perceptions like that is why bigotry continues to exist, even in the year 2006.

 

 

For future posts, please make sure to tell the whole story in the original post. You basically led us to think you had little contact from her after you slept (ope ) together.

 

I'm with Bethany. My opinion remains the same.

[WildChild]

I'm normally the hopeless romantic (ask anyone), but I have to say this really comes through as a one night stand. Whether a one night stand, or she realized after the sex that it wasn't going to work, or whatever....if this was someone who slept with me and then basically avoided me from there on out, you know what people would be saying? He used you If it walks like a duck, looks like a duck, and sounds like a duck, it's a duck.

 

Try this. Don't contact her anymore. See what happens. How long before she will call you? And when she does, I would bet the farm it is for one thing: sex. Then see how long afterwards it takes for this cycle to begin all over.

 

If you are referring to this post, I have been in a situation or two where men, no matter how much we talked or did things together prior to sex, did not contact me once we did. The next time I did hear from them, guess what their agenda was: Sex.

 

Both men and women do it all the time, that is the unfortunate nature of the days and the life of dating and becoming sexually involved

[hopelesscase]

I dont want to get into a slanging match here, I did mention in the 2nd paragraph of my original post that we were still in contact via messages on the site where we met.

 

I did not mean to offend, I relise everyones opinion is different, and I appreciate the advice given but in this situation I was looking for more helpful responses. If we were no longer in touch my confusion would not be there, that is whyI mentioned we were in the original posting.

[WildChild]

OK, do you feel comfortable enough to just straight out ask her? Acknowledge to her you understand she is busy, but could you two make a date for such in such time/day (depending on how busy she is or if you know her schedule, you may need to suggest something for a week or two out). I think you really need to get to the bottom of this, and it could be that she has been swamped, but you have a right to know if that isn't the case.

[hopelesscase]

Yes and no, I dont really want to do via a message, I would rather do in person, but cant seem to get her to commit to a time to meet up. I know she is busy at the moment, but I have given her the opportunity to mention a day when she is free but so far she hasn't.

 

I wouldnt know where to start with asking her wots going on anyway, without sounding like i was being needy/clingy and making her back off completely

[WildChild]

I may have missed it in one of your posts, but do you or her initiate the MSN chats?

 

Do you get the same "sense" you did when you first met online?

[hopelesscase]

We are in touch via messages on the site where we met (kinda like emails), I would say we are both as regular with each other with sending the messages, generally when she goes online she will send me one and I will reply or vice versa. I would say the content or style of content hasn't really changed that much, cept I have backed off on the flirting a bit. We both ask each other about things going on in our lives. I jus cant get her to commit to a date to meet up wi me!!!!!!

[WildChild]

IMHO you have two options. One, you can continue as it is going now and just wait it out. Her schedule may become less busy. Or two, you can remain as you are but start opening your options to other women that interest you.

 

If this gal is someone you would like to be friends with regardless if it becomes a relationship or not, then I wouldn't stop talking to her. But if it would be too hard to be friends, and not involved, then you need to figure out what you are going to do and soon, so if it doesn't work out, you haven't put more time and emotion into it than you already have.

[hopelesscase]

You think she could be interested as more than a friend or not? You think it is worth my while waiting?

 

I am not totally waiting for her, I have been in touch wither other women, but none as yet hav been gf material, altho there is one I have recently started to chatting to who may be, but then if I do like her do I go with it or do I talk to this woman and see how she is feeling, becoz I wouldnt want to giv up on her if she is still interested in me?

[WildChild]

Well, I would say that if you two are still chatting that she would at least be interested in being friends. If not, she could easily ignore you or delete you from her contacts.

 

I guess in order to really figure out where this is going to go, you are going to have to feel her out. Whether it's "I know you're busy but I'm beginning to wonder if it's that, or if you're just not interested." or however you feel comfortable. Once you know, then you can base what you need to do off of that.

[hopelesscase]

I have in the past said things like anyone would think you were trying to ignore me, I even said if you dont want to be friends I would rather you were honest. She dint really react or answer what I said but she did stay in touch, the other day I said Are you ever goin to agree to meet up wi me again, and again she just ignores it and replies with other stuff from the message.

 

I guess I need to send a message where just that is the content n see wot she says? I think something along the lines of wot u suggested would be ok, you got any other thoughts?

[hopelesscase]

Well I sent her this....will wait n see what her response is...go on tell me I have said the wrong thing and pic it apart!!

 

Sorry I am being a complete idiot here, I know there is no excuse for it, but I really felt like we had something and I would have liked to have seen where it took us, I thought you felt the same but then you said you were not in the right place for a relationship right now, I guess it was because I jumped in to quick and scared you off, I am such an idiot for doing that, if it was the other way around I would probably have run a mile as well. I wish I could take it back and you could give me another chance.

 

I know you are busy, but I am starting to wonder if there is more to it, and you are just avoiding me or are no longer interested?

 

Part of me is saying I should wait it out and see how things progress with us, but the other part of me is saying I should accept we are just friends and move on, which should I go with?

[WildChild]

No, actually I think it sounds good except for you calling yourself an idiot twice, and saying there's no excuse for it You shouldn't talk about yourself like that, and if you do communicate more with her DON'T talk like that, o.k.???

 

You layed it on the line, and you will know by her response where you need to go with this. Good job