Is complete boredom normal?

[someone_else]

I am extemely bored!! I live with my boyfriend who works a lot of hours, so he never wants to do anything. I feel bad because I know he's worn out, but all I want is a night a week where he can compromise with me like I do with him the rest of the week. Is it normal to be so bored you lie awake at night praying for sleep just to escape the boredom and lonliness?

[Beautifulgirl]

Hi there,

 

No i don't think that's normal. Recently I have had to look at a relationship becuase of similar circumstance and trust me - the longer the relationship goes on like that for the harder it is to a.) Leave him b.) get what you need from your partner. So you need to address the situation with him and get to a point where your both happy. If your not happy there's no point staying.

[cingularity83]

Damn....the best thing you can do for the both of you is to TALK.....let him know how you feel...tell him exactly what you just wrote....in all honesty he may not even know you feel neglected....sit him down and have a heart and heart with him and hopefully he'll understand where you're coming from....

[Empathy]

"Boredom is the root of all evil. The despairing refusal to be oneself."

 

~Soren Kierkegaard

 

I love that quote! Anyway. To answer your question, I don't feel that boredom THIS evil is normal. If you want things to work between you and your boyfriend its probably best to convey this problem to him. See if it's something that can be dealt with.

[shyanne]

maybe you should try and talk to him first but if he doesn't change, you should leave before you end up unhappy for ever. your only 19, if he's like that now.... think about what he will be like in 10 years or so...

[Momene]

You need to address why he needs to work so many hours. I need to sometimes as it really gets that busy and, yes, i feel worn out and guilty that my job has consumed all my energy. He could have some sort of work addiction or he might work somewhere with a culture of presenteeism. Could he change jobs, perhaps or is a lot of the time spent commuting so could you move?

 

I do understand the boredom. It might not be "normal" but it's a pretty usual reaction when you are bored. I can get it sometimes if the family's busy, there's nothing on telly, the PC's in use and it's too cloudy to see any stars.

[someone_else]

I have recently sat down to discuss this with him, even stayed at my mother's for a night. He tells me that he is trying get rid of his debt especially with a house payment now, and that then he can work less and have more energy. The thing is, he worked just as many hours before the house. I work as well, but I refuse to live to work.....I'd rather work to live. He doesn't seem to grasp that. It feels like his job is his life...and I am the bonus at the end of the day.

[tylercdurden2004]

"Boredom is the root of all evil. The despairing refusal to be oneself."

 

~Soren Kierkegaard

 

I love that quote! Anyway. To answer your question, I don't feel that boredom THIS evil is normal. If you want things to work between you and your boyfriend its probably best to convey this problem to him. See if it's something that can be dealt with.

 

Nice quote! I think there is the saying the idle hands make work for the devil or something to that effect.

[BellaDonna]

It sounds like you and your BF might be in different phases in life. He sounds very responsible and focused on achieving financially. How old is he? It sounds like he owns a home at a young age.

 

I can relate a little to what you're saying though, since my husband is more work-focused than I am. We tend to balance each other out well though. There are weekends where he wants to work overtime, and I convince him not to. We just have different mentalities.

 

I think you should talk to him about how you feel again, maybe you can reach some kind of compromise?

 

Though I must say, I think there are far worse things than a guy who works a lot. At least he is sensible and trying to stay out of debt and investing in property. Though I have heard stories of marriages failing due to workaholics. It's a difficult situation.

 

I hope things get better,

 

BellaDonna

[Momene]

I'm finding balancing work and home a REAL struggle. It's not a case of choosing whether to work overtime or not. In fact, we don't get paid for it. It's a case of keeping up or being out on the street.

[BellaDonna]

I'm finding balancing work and home a REAL struggle. It's not a case of choosing whether to work overtime or not. In fact, we don't get paid for it. It's a case of keeping up or being out on the street

 

Of course in that case, I can see why you would work overtime. There was a time when my husband had to work overtime when I was in college, but once I graduated and began working full time, he was able to work less hours and get a job where he was treated better. With both of us working full time, we now actually have a savings account and can breathe a little better. I am so glad to be able to help and take a lot of the stress off him. I was not trying to sound careless or luxurious/spoiled/callous in my assesssment of "working overtime". Both my husband and I come from quite poor backgrounds and have struggled many times ourselves before we finally got to the more stable point we are at today. Now that my husband is at a point where he does not "have" to work over-time, I do convince him not to go sometimes.

 

If you HAVE to work a lot of hours to survive, then of course I don't think it's fair for your partner to hold it against you.

 

However, there are some people that are true workaholics- by choice- in that they make their work the only thing in their life, even when they do not need to financially.That's the distinction.

 

I think the original poster needs to be understanding, if her BF is working long hours because he HAS to, to survive.

 

 

BellaDonna

[Momene]

Sorry if I misled you. I don't get paid by the hour, I'm in a salaried job. However, it's a part of the culture of the company I work for that when we're busy (which we often are), we are expected to complete the work out-of-hours without expecting even a thanks. If our colleagues are staying late and we're going home on time, we're "letting the side down" and causing resentment. Where I'm very lucky is that I'm not expected to do this when I'm not busy and can sometimes even go home a bit early. In many companies you are expected to stay late to be seen, even if it's not actually necessary to finish the work.

 

Willingness (or lack of it) to work extra without being paid affects promotions, pay rises and (in some cases) who keeps their job.