How do I get my husband back?!

[NaLor]

I'm a this confused. I've been with my husband almost 7 years and 2 1/2 married. We have a 1 year and 4 months old baby and I'm 4 months pregnant. My husband is being very indifferent and doesn't want to be in home that much, altough he does. He says he would like to go out whenever he wants without having to "ask for permission", do other things and most of all, not having to hear someone (me) asking and calling and checking his phone. I've tried to do my best. But when I think I can put my head for him, he was unfaithful on October last year. We talked and he said he wanted to be with us, and I forgave him. But of course, haven't forget. Now, I talked to him, because I need love, passion, romance, company, but he said he already have no motivation. What else of motivation does a man need, just knowing he will be father again?!! I'm just sad, maybe depressed, but I have to handle this well because my baby needs me. We have (or had) lots of dreams and plans together, and he says that without me he won't do them. What can I do? I just don't want him to go. I want him to love me again. I would do whatever it takes. 'Cause I know I can make him happy. And he can make me happy too. We just need to start over. But, how can I gave him some "motivation" for wanting to start over? Please, I need advice. I don't want to talk this to anybody and I feel very lonely. Thanks for every help you can give me.

[CamaroJoe]

I would say, let him do his thing for a while. Give him some space and time and if he wants to go out, let him without asking where he's going or what he's doing or calling him all the time to see when he's coming home. Just let him know that mostly what you want is to be with him and for him to be happy. Then he'll see you care for him and all. But if you're constantly pestering him about what he's doing or showing in any way that you don't trust him, it's going to cause him to be driven away from you. hope this helps.

[crookster_man]

I understand that you are very upset with how your relationship with your husband has deteriorated. You feel neglected and uncared for. You want him to be considerate and be there for you and your family, but he would rather be out partying.

 

It sounds like you are in quite a pickle. First off you cannot expect children to save a marriage or even help it. They actually place more strain upon your relationship. Clearly he is forgetting is obligation to you and your family.

 

Why were you so willing to forgive and accept his infidelity? He is clearly showing you and your family no respect. Do you respect your self? I'm sure you do. If you have sat him down and tried to work out your issues and he still refuses to work with you... You might have to take another approach.

 

If he refuses to go to counselling and refuses to acknowledge your needs I say pack his bags and tell him to move out. He's using your fear against you most likely. Why would he change? You are still at home looking after the kids and there when he wants you. He can still go out a party. There is no reason for him to change; he is getting what he wants.

 

He will only change if he wants to change. That will only happen if his actions result in a negative response. It usually takes us hitting rock bottom before we realise the folly of our actions. Keep that in mind. I wish you the best of luck for your sake and your family's.

 

We will be here for you.

[Genesis]

I agree with crookster. I mean what is wrong with men who think that they can act like they are single when they are married.

 

I would go to therapy in addition to talking to your pastor if you go to church. Many people dismiss religion as a way to solve problems but it has keep many couples together and willing to solve their problems. I have this ass hole who sends me harassing email b/c I guess he is unsaved and does not believe in the power of God. People with out morals or character behave in this manner, and have no respect for the covenant of marriage or thier responsibilities to their family. He is a jerk off who left his kids and wife with out saying a word, and is mad b/c I called him a coward. Well back to my point...

 

You need to set boundaries with this man I think he is having a midlife crisis or the seven year itch as they call it.

 

He thinks that he is missing something and his youth is fading away. You should not stress yourself out b/c you are pregnant right now. Set up times where he can go out with his friends once a week. If he respected you and your kids he would know that it is not right for a married man to be in the bars at 2 and 3 in the morning.

 

He may be having an affair again, but you really do not know that so do not bring it up. You should talk to him about your problems and a way to resolve them. Communication problems are the cause to most marriage failures.

 

If all of this does not work out, consider having a separation, things do not look good right now , but they can get better you have to do research on how to save your marriage.