Had to Get rid of my phone

[Diggitydave]

I got to the point where i couldn't stand it. I could not act normally on the phone with my ex, it is like I became a changed person. I kept trying to be cool and make her want to get back with me. Then a few days later i would call up crying, and begging. I have had enough and she has too. I got very very down and depressed and even suicidal at one point or another. Not just because of her but because of my life situation. I have been very selfish lately and been calling her asking her to heal my life wounds for me. Duh...I know I feel stupid i made a mistake. Today is day 1...again. I called my best friend and I gave him my cell phone. I cannot talk to her, I have to get over this somehow. I am not in a position to talk to her. I cannot depend on her anymore for inner peace and happiness, which is what I have been doing. The one friend that i do have has helped me a lot through this. I can't believe it's been over 4 months and I feel like I am on day 1. I feel embarressed for acting so childish and selfish with her. I have to live with the vague fear that she thinks I am a horrible person. So my friend has my phone so I can't call her and i can't pick up the phone. I left a message saying I was having phone problems and to call me at work.

 

It may sound drastic but it's either spend the rest of my life like this or go through what i need to go through now. If I can't have my phone for a while to avoid temptation then so be it.

[xblondyx]

At least you've realised what you need to do and have done something about. I know it's hard, but keep NC and stay strong! Good luck.

[Scout]

Hey man, whatever it takes! I applaud you for taking this step, actually.

[Diggitydave]

I acted horribly the past few weeks, I told her I was suicidal, i was being childish and selfish and playing pity me games. I told her about this problem I had developed where if I felt someone didn't approve of me I would get all flustered. I somehow became approval driven? Anyway, it is day 1 again and I feel like hell. I should have been so much further into moving on then I am but because I tried to maintain contact because she would give me little hints here and there, like even one time asking me out on a date. I stayed. I should have been strong and avoided this pain. I was the one hurting myself the whole entire time by sticking around, the constant worrying andwondering about the future. I was doing it to myself. My friend was talking to me today and he just said I have a big self esteem problem.

[Scout]

Well...I realize part of your pain is dismay that you lost such control. There's nothing you can really do about that at this point, except don't lose it again. We've all done things we regret when we're losing control of a relationship. I know I have...a certain incident I like to call "How to lose a guy in 27 phone calls" comes to mind...

[xblondyx]

At least you have realised that you have done wrong and that you were just prolonging the agony. Like i said...keep NC, move on, find yourself again and BE HAPPY!!

[Skippy]

when you are desperate do the most drastic thing.

Throw the sim card away. lose her number, throw the phone away.

[Diggitydave]

My friend said "you're not gettin this back for a while".

 

Did anyone ever think that their ex was the end all and be all of life and did that feeling gradually disappear? Or feel that the one person they were going to be with is gone and they would be alone forever? OR that you screwed up so bad that noone would ever want you again? Ever feel like you had an identity crisis? Not really knowing where you stand in faith or who you are anymore? I have somehow resorted to acting like a little child, crying 5 times a day, screaming for help.

 

Everyone in the world told me to stop talking to her and i tried. It has resorted to me giving my phone to a friend? How guilty and ashamed I feel that I have that little self control? I have to force myself to not have a phone? I feel like a child has to have his toy taken away. What the heck?

 

 

Lately, I have been waking up feeling like I am dying. I have never been this depressed. I went to talk to a Dr and therapist. They just say "you are this and you are that, take these pills BYE!". I don't really like that. I think my self esteem is so shot and the fear of what my ex may be thinking of me or how she is not going to call me drives me bonkers. I hate the fact that I was once so loved and now so despised. I know I made mistakes and I acted childish at times.

 

I am a Christian and I have been praying a lot with not a lot of response. I don't know what I am doing and don't know where to go.

 

I think by contacting her in the past 3 weeks has made it worse. I told her I needed space at one point and she convinced me I didn't and that I was just living in fear. I tried to maintain contact but realized my fear of her rejection and my low self esteem got the best of me.

 

I hope that one day this feeling of hopelessness just lifts with time. I can't talk to psychiatrists anymore, they will just tell me to take a pill. It is hard with no support system, my parents do not want to talk about it, my acquaintances say get over it already and the one friend I have i only see maybe once a week. I work and live alone and it is really tough. My ex says all i want is for people to feel sorry for me but that is not true.

 

Giving my friend my phone is the only way to pretty much guarantee that I can't call her. I could call her from work but i only have to fight it for 8 hours, after that I don't really have a choice now. Will this hopelessness pass? Will I once have a moment of the day where I am not thinking of her? Will my life come back?

[Skippy]

hey Diggitydave,

 

i did feel that way once, but i have come to realisation of one thing. It is ok to love someone and for it not to workout. You still love her but she doesnt feel the same way about you. That is ok, that is life.

I suppose i found out that i am able to love and it isnt conditional, i dont blame her for not loving me the same way, i dont blame myself for loving her. It is just the situation doesnt allow it to be so. Remember that it is just the situation, the moment and that you have to move on.

LIfe is something that makes things come and go even if you love them with all your heart, It is just part of life, it is just part of loving.

 

You have to forgive yourself for acting like an idiot and when u are over her, apologies and ask for forgiveness for your actions. Then dont talk or contact her for a long time. Friendship is only a possibility after at least a year when you have no romantic feelings for her and that you have moved on.

Never ever say "we will remain friends" because initially you can't, it is just not possible. Now in the future if it happens, it happens, if not, it wont. You dont need the pressure. And trust me, someone will say that or imply it. Answer that with. "we'll see...."

 

It isnt about her, it is just life. It is hard, but if you can come to that realisation then and only then can you move on.

good luck.

[iceberg21]

My friend said "you're not gettin this back for a while".

 

Did anyone ever think that their ex was the end all and be all of life and did that feeling gradually disappear?

 

Absolutely. I moved to a new city, met a girl a few months after, and being new and not knowing too many people, I fell pretty hard for her. Naturally I figured things were gonna be great, had delusions of grandeur and was thinking with my heart and not my head. It ended, I was crushed. It took me many months to really feel like myself, as I really thought she was IT. But I made a full recovery, and its now been 8 months since it all went down. So hang in there, no doubt it will get better.

[Lady Bugg]

Hahahaha..Scout, "How to lose a guy in 27 phone calls"..sounds like a real nailbiter!!

 

Dave , don't sweat it. You're not the first person to beat yourself up over your behavior. We've all been there. Some even MORE appalling than yours.

If it gives you more control to give up your phone for a while...do it.

Read the book "It's called a breakup because it's broken". It's a good read.

 

Hang in there!

[Diggitydave]

So I screwed up, made my mistakes, acted childish, couldn't control my emotions, made a complete * * * * * * * out of myself. Is there hope? In a new relationship. How do i take my ex off the pedestal of my life?

[Scout]

I'm a Christian, too, and I would suggest you keep praying. There is nothing God can't accomplish for you.

 

I was once in a rut with a somewhat addictive relationship. I just kept praying to God to help me break the addiction, whether it meant the guy permanently dropped me or I just lost my feelings once and for all.

 

So, the guy stopped calling! Just out of the blue!

 

And when he did eventually start calling again, we saw each other one more time...and that night I permanently broke it off.

 

God answers our prayers, my friend. Keep praying.

[Diggitydave]

My dad told me that God sometimes doesn't answer the prayers we want because he knows what is in our best interest.

 

Since this whole ordeal I am just wondering why. Does he have a better plan for me? Why do i feel useless without my ex. Sometimes I think he purposefully removed her BECAUSE i feel so useless without her to show me I don't need her to survive, that I don't need her affirmation, that I don't need her approval. It hurts so much and it's hard to swallow all that even though I know that is the truth.

 

I feel guilty even still talking about this. It's been 4 months and I could've been a lot stronger a long time ago. I thought we might have gotten back together, but I was wrong.

 

My emotions got the best of me and I acted like a fool, i cried, begged, pleaded, called constantly, prayed, hoped, cried some more, begged some more, called, and acted like a complete and total insecure idiot.

 

Why would God let me go through this?

[Scout]

Why would God let me go through this?

 

In all honesty, how close were you with God during and after this relationship?

[deejay74]

"It's called a breakup because it's broken".

 

i think i saw this book in barnes & noble but isn't it written for females? i thought it was and so i didn't buy it because i would've been embarrassed to since i am a guy.

 

in fact, i find that most of the relationship and dating material at the book stores are written for women. i mean, men go through these things too ya know!

[Diggitydave]

Well, in all honesty I met God through her, so I was probably and obviously am much more attached to her. People have told me that God removed the idol on purpose so I get closer to him and stop relyin on a woman.

[Scout]

Well, try to work on staying close with God, because ultimately, that is the most important relationship you will ever have. That being said, He wants us to experience love on earth, too...but healthy, mutually giving love.

[Lady Bugg]

Deejay, that book was written by a man ...co authored with his wife. It's is for BOTH sexes...I thought it was really good..and they are big NO CONTACT

advocates too...

[Nathalie1970]

My dad told me that God sometimes doesn't answer the prayers we want because he knows what is in our best interest.

 

 

 

Diggity,

 

There is a song by Garth Brooks "Unanswered Prayers"....It is exactly what your father told you. "Sometimes god's greatest gifts are unanswered prayers"

 

Stay strong, you are doing the right thing and everything will be alright in the end. Everything happens for a reason