Confidence: Everyone says it's the key, but what exactly is it?

[Kevin T]

What do you define as 'confidence'? I'm well versed in Webster's version, but I want to know what YOU personally define confidence as.

 

Both genders equally contest that confidence is a key factor in being considered attractive by the opposite sex. So what makes someone seem confidence? What might they say or do? Give examples please.

 

Teach me a thing or two about this thing.

[Lily04]

Being secure enough with yourself and your decisions that you don't base your self-worth on other's thoughts & opinions of you.

[tmp0620]

I'm no expert on confidence, but I still think I can describe it pretty accurately:

 

Confidence is being comfortable with yourself. Not afraid to be yourself, not afraid to have an opinion or to take initiative. Not afraid to take risks and make mistakes.

[Kevin T]

Being secure enough with yourself and your decisions that you don't base your self-worth on other's thoughts & opinions of you.

 

Whoa. Do you know how hard that is? Especially the latter?

 

I can envision myself being secure with myself, but I don't think I'll ever get to the stage where no one else on earth's opinion of me matters to me. I value and respect others' opinions, provided they have my respect in the first place, that is.

[anonymous_presence]

Confidence is a difficult master for most.

 

It lets you be you regardless of the circumstances. It lets that person up in your head fully manifest him/herself in the real world.

[tylercdurden2004]

Well this is definitely a tough one to nail on the head with a simple explaination. I have discussed this and thought abou this many times especailly since I studied Leadership. The main thing that I think is central to it though is somewhere along the lines of being true to yourself. Self analysis is paramount to confidence, knowing why and how you do things and dealing with situations. Being honest with yourself is very important to being truly confident. Knowing your weaknesses and strengths and knowing you can change and grow. i dont really think there is a simple answer to define all the above and more.

[tylercdurden2004]

Maybe knowing you can control yourself and not worrying about things you cant control is a good syopsis!

[anonymous_presence]

You know you have confidence when you stop thinking about whether or not you have it.

[sweetheart230]

Confidence is liking yourself for who you are. Realizing that you have great inner and outer qualities. Not caring what others think of you because you know that they will like you if they belong in your life and if they don't like you then they don't belong in your life. Confidence is saying to yourself I'm lovable the way I am and if you don't agree, screw you.

 

It's being natural and secure with yourself. Not being self conscious or nervous. You should take a drama or acting class. It helped me confront my fears. I made a fool of myself multiple times and it was fun.

 

I once asked a guy friend of mine how he can be so confident and charming around girls (he told me he didn't think he was attractive... although I thought he was) and he said because he is completely happy and secure with himself and didn't need anyone to validate him or assure him that he was worth it. I think that puts it pretty well.

[monsieur]

the way I see it is there are confident people and unconfident people and maybe degrees in between.... us non confident people are doomed to be at a weak standpoint in any relationship, as we are judging ourselves and having them judge ourselves in the relationship, all the 'judging' seems to be one sided.... it is hard being unconfident as you are bearing the total weight of being worthy, whereas the confident one knows they are worthy

 

I find I am always that way in relationships, so it is much easier to get used, or be in unequal relationships where you are doing all the work and the confident ones seem to care less if they even continue with you. You can't try and gain the upper hand by not phoning or something, as if you don't do all the work the relationship dissolves, you end up alone, the confident person moves on to the next one instantly.

[tyler711]

Looking in the mirror and liking what you physically see... Knowing you are intelligent and full of potential and then formulating a plan to achieve your goals... Having consistency with your good qualities... Always counting your blessings... Confident people have an aura of competency around them, and a purpose for what they are doing. Confidence can never be defined. It is accepting and embracing who you are. It's knowing that the people who like you will stick around, and the people who don't can go to hell. It's a little bit of ego and pride mixed in with a good dose of humility (when required) and a lot of common sense.

[monsieur]

lack of confidence comes from the reality of failing at something numerous times, thereforeeee the knowledge of the reality of your shortcomings makes you value your worthiness in a relationship as lower

 

if you fail at attracting those that you are attracted to, it teaches you that you are not able to achieve what you wish for, and this teaching process is translated into an expectation of failure or at the very least the thought process of being unworthy and thereforeeee in a more desperate position in any relationship

[Süsser Tod]

Both genders equally contest that confidence is a key factor in being considered attractive by the opposite sex. So what makes someone seem confidence? What might they say or do? Give examples please.

 

No brainer, just be yourself. That is what shows you are self confident. If you are an outgoing guy that can't articulate a word in front of a nice girl, you are lacking self confidence.

For example, someone may like when you can turn around to someone you like and act exactly as you do in front of people you are not attracted to.

[Lily04]

After skimming some of the replies, I'll revise my answer:

 

(1) Being yourself without being insecure about it.

(2) Having an aura of competence around you...i.e. giving off an impression of competence.

 

Those 2 are directly related, and usually when I feel someone feels competent in what they're doing, and aren't afraid to let their true personality show, they seem confident. Hope that helps...

[RayKay]

For me it means being comfortable with whom you are a person. It includes knowing you are not perfect, but that you can strive to be the best person YOU can be. It means being able to laugh at yourself when things don't go well, but also being able to pick yourself up and learn and grow from it.

 

I think it also involves having a good balance to yourself, so that the confidence is more of a self-assuredness rather then a c0ckiness.

[Lily04]

Also just wanted to add... although it's all good & well to know what the various definitions of confidence are, the only way to gain confidence isn't necessarily about understanding what it means, but by PRACTICING it! So if you really want to gain confidence, get out there, meet some new people and try having conversations with them! Meeting strangers and being able to hold a conversation shows confidence too... although don't be disappointed if it doesn't go so well. Remember that date I was telling you about that was quite disastrous? it wasn't my fault that I wasn't really upholding my end of the conversation, it was mainly because I didn't like the guy, found him rude/arrogant so just basically let him continue talking because it was obvious he enjoyed it and didn't care much about my opinion. Throughout the whole date he never *once* asked me "so what do you think about that?" or "tell me about yourself now" or something.

 

Being a good conversationalist means you try to engage the people you're talking with & learn more about themselves as well. I have a feeling you already know this, but just wanted to say... really all you have to do to make friends is be a good listener and show interest in what they're saying as well. Confidence, like all things, will develop as you go.

 

Lily

[Omni-I]

But ya, thats basically what confidence is all about. But there is such things a too much confidence to the point like lil miss here mentioned as being arrogant. I'll just sum up with the following. Be confident isnt the only thing to make people (not just women being attracted to you), you need nuance this with by being also open minded....which is quite rare to find these days. Even from people who pretend to be so but who arent really. This implies listening, accepting difference of opinion, not taking everything personal, willing to admit to be wrong and understanding (specially when it comes to pushing others people button, you gonna know when its a touchy subject.) I know its hard, but if everyone did half the effort the world wouldnt suck that much.

[Lily04]

Omni, if you have a problem with my writing then you can feel free to private message me and tell me so. thanks for your (not so relevant) input.

 

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[Kevin T]

Thanks everyone. I appreciate the input. You've all been immensely helpful... even Lily. lol

[Lily04]

I'm ALWAYS helpful, Kevin. Remember that. ALWAYS.

 

(lol -- see that? that's CONFIDENCE.)

[Kevin T]

Yes ma'am. lol

[Lily04]

Good. Now please write my essay for me.

[Kevin T]

Can't. I have a psyc essay due for personality next Monday. Haven't started yet.