how long will it last?

[wanderer]

hello everyone, another relationship query for you and yours to ponder:

 

i have been in a committed relationship with my girlfriend for 11 months now. 7 of those 11 months have been long distance, as i went to college 7 months ago, and she stayed in my hometown as a senior in high school. i'm 19 and she's 18 now, and we're getting closer to the summer when we'll be together consistantly again. we have a great relationship and we talk on the phone every night when i'm away. we love each other very much and tell each other so everyday. we have our small troubles whtat pop up every now and then, but nothing out of the ordinary of "normal" relationships.

 

however, she's starting to receive, happily, college acception letters and, unfortunately, some rejection letters. and it got me to thinking about what will become of our relationship next fall when she goes off to college as a freshman. most likely, she will attend a college that is close to mine, and in one case right up the street from me, so the distance isn't the main issue. what i'm concerned about is whether or not she'll want to stay with me after she goes to college. i realize that it would be selfish of me to think that she has to stay with me even if she doesn't want to, and i more than anything to be happy, even if she's happy with someone other than me. but sometimes i lay in bed awake at night seeing next school semester as being the painful death of our relationship. i'm in college right now and i don't have any other girls i can imagine myself being with. additionally, (and i don't mean to sound arrogant), but my girlfriend is a very pretty girl by anyone's standards, so i know she's gonig to get a lot of attention from guys when she goes away to college (she goes to an all-girls high school so she's not used to being around boys very much) and i feel like it's just a matter of time before she finds someone new and i get replaced. i know she would never cheat on me, so i fear the long drawn out process of her drifting away until she finally drops the bomb on me. i've brought this up to her actually, and she's told me that she doesn't want to hurt me, and she told me she's very happy with me and thinking about the future is useless.

 

i realize that i sounds very paranoid to be thinking about this now, with next year being so far away, but i am just so happy with her and i am afraid of losing her. i know that relationships at our age aren't supposed to be long and committed, but we care about each other so much.

 

any advice or calming words?

[Tigris]

My advice is to focus on the two of you being together in the Summer and forget about next year. Live each day as it comes.

 

She's already reassured you so don't think about it anymore!

[passions1]

It's normal to feel the negative feeling of possibly losing her b/c you love her so much & she has enhanced your life in a positive way. So with every high up emotion, there can also creep in with the negative insecure feeling to make you wonder.

 

Your words are very similar to an ex with insecurity. Your insecurity is what would end the relationship. You can't predict the future & fret over it, you must live your life & enjoy the time you spend with her. Trust her with what she says & her actions.

 

It may be true that some young relationships don't last most of the time, but however, I have had some friends who ended up marrying their highschool sweetheart or ended up breaking up for a yr b/c of long distance, then reuniting again to end up being married. So anything is possible, you need to be optimistic, who wants to be with someone who is a pessimist? The fact that you 2 are still together despite the distance, is a very positive sign, most people end up breaking up b/c of distance.

[wanderer]

thank you both for the words of encouragement. passion, after reading what you wrote about how my insecurity would be what ends the relationship, it sort of made it clear to me that you are absolutely correct. her being around other guys isn't going to end our relationship, but rather me being afraid of herr being around guys will push her away because she will be aware of my insecurity. thanks for the thoughts!