FCTex Posted March 21, 2006 Share Posted March 21, 2006 Well, who would have thought I'd have a question about something like this. First off, I don't consider this a problem, but I'm curious as to a way to get around this. I've been with 3 women. My first was a long term girlfriend, and she was experienced. I seemed to be pretty natural with most things, and have confidence in my sexual abilities. We experiments with alot of things, toys, spontaneous places, and had a pretty regular sex life. So regular that I believe we had sex, atleast 2-3 days a week, atleast twice a day, for a year and a half(and even after breaking up,which is another story!). We were safe about things too, and she was on birth control, we never used condoms, except when we met. I loved sex with this women, it was so carefree and amazing. After our break up, I ran around a little, did some things, but only went so far as to having full blown sex once between relationships.. It was terrible, and I almost could say I regretted it. I didn't enjoy it, and I felt so out of place by doing so. It was definitely NOT what I was used to, and this was just plain jane, random one night stand sex, we are talkin about! Anyways, fast forward to now, I've been in a 4 month relationship with this new women, and she has a great sex drive. There's the problem. I consider mine to be normal, to high, and here's I feel is above mine. She's only been with one other guy, besides me. She wants NOTHING better than to please me. She takes care of me sexually, more than my "first" ever did. I've never in my life received oral sex as much as this women offers it out. She loves to have sex, and has even brought about lotions and lubes, and blindfolds and etc. We've even had anal sex. We don't use condoms, and she's on birth control, so it's even a plus again. While all of this is somewhat normal to what I was used too, and less in some cases to my ex, the anal and the oral sex are far more now, than before. She's an extremely attractive girl... Very nice body, very nice girl, love everything about her.. I'm just not overly turned on, or have the drive I was used to... I don't get it? I want to have sex, and I do, but it's more like, bingo, bang, bong, done, and go to sleep, rather than before where it was again and again and something new.. Is it perhaps the lack of excitement we have in our bedroom? It's sometimes the same things from time to time. Is it because I'm going to compare my first to everyone after her? I get turned on, I just don't have the drive to do things to her as much.. I want to please her, and I do. I'm the first to give her an orgasm. I give her oral sex, but I'm just not into doing it like I was with my ex, and that upsets me for some reason. She doesn't masterbate(which I don't believe), hasn't used toys, hasn't done much of anything, other than the normal bedroom grunt. What should I do? I don't want to talk to her about this, and we've already talked about me "initiating" sex more often. More often in me "taking care of her needs". Since apparently our sex life has become "her kissing on me, giving me oral sex, then us having sex and me going to sleep." Help! Link to comment
sweetheart230 Posted March 21, 2006 Share Posted March 21, 2006 Its just my opinion, and I don't have all that much experience in the matter, but I think it might be because she's so eager to please. Whether you see it in yourself or not, men really like the chase... even in the bedroom. Like when my ex boyfriend had to work to get my attention sexually and I made some demands on him, he was a lot more turned on and tuned in to me and my needs. When I was overanxious, he got lazier and a lot less enthusiastic. Don't get me wrong.. he always had a hard on in like half a second, we were very attracted to each other. but when he knew he had to meet my needs instead of just the other way around, we both enjoyed it more. He got bored when he thought I was trying too hard to please him instead of myself. i think perhaps you're getting the sense that sexually she places more important on pleasing you than herself, and this is actually a turn off to some men. You said she doesn't please herself when she's alone or use toys or things like that. Perhaps you prefer a woman who places her own pleasure first, or at least equal to yours. I remember once when I was fooling around with my ex, he asked me to do oral and I whispered in his ear, no, I wasn't done with him yet. It was a huge turn on for him to know that I was using him for my own satisfaction. (we almost didn't make it to the last part). Maybe that's what you're missing. Just an idea. If its the case, you should talk to her about it, about her being more selfish in bed. But i could be entirely off base... Link to comment
FCTex Posted March 21, 2006 Author Share Posted March 21, 2006 Kind of makes some sense. I know the chase is pretty much gone. I know when we go to bed, that we almost have a schedule during the week, and I know what days I will have sex, and days I don't. At the rate now, I have sex 3-4, sometimes 5 times a week. While I love it, and I do get turned on, it's just out of place sometimes it seems. I don't have a problem preforming, I'm just so apprehensive to do much more than the normal stuff with her, and don't feel the energy like I used to.. She does try and please me first and foremost, and perhaps I might have gotten into the rut that I know I'm going to have sex, and I know shes going to do this and this.. She's even so eager to learn more, and to experience stuff. I don't get it? Link to comment
cristal Posted March 22, 2006 Share Posted March 22, 2006 FCTex, I have been following your posts, ever since you were in love with your bosses daughter and the breakup and reunion that ultimately followed. My hunch is that the reason that you are not looking forward to sex with girl #2, is that you are still in love with girl #1 and that you are still grieving over that loss. My advice to you is to suspend your relationship with girl #2, so that you can give yourself time to fully heal, in order for you can enjoy the romance and sex that usually goes with a happy and healthy relationship. FCTex, in closing I want to add that you are a very insightful young fellow for your age. The very best of luck! Cristal Link to comment
FCTex Posted March 22, 2006 Author Share Posted March 22, 2006 Thank you very much for your advice cristal, as well as your comments and praise. I'd like to think I've learned alot from my past, and from others as well, and use it to the best of my knowledge to move with it. I don't know about suspending my relationship at the current moment, I think perhaps, I don't feel like any real future is going to be forged from this. I don't think my entire heart is in it, and call me silly, but I could think that lack of sex drive could contribute to that... I do love my ex, your right. I don't think of her that often, somtimes none, others tons.. But I think a first love isn't going to wain from my thoughts as easily. Link to comment
FCTex Posted March 29, 2006 Author Share Posted March 29, 2006 Sex has gotten better, as she has opened up. Part of it I think is that I'm just excepting the fact, that THIS is the way things are I think... Sure it's out of place sometimes, but who am I to feel that sex has to be so insanely awesome 100 percent of the time like I thought it was.. Maybe I am not totally healed just yet.. On the bright side I havent been denied sex from her. I wish she would, atleast for the sake of making me feel like I can't get it when I want it! Link to comment
cristal Posted March 30, 2006 Share Posted March 30, 2006 FCTex I think that you that you have have answered your own question - maybe I am not totally healed as yet.. FCTex, you are in a rebound relationship and you may not be ready nor open to the sex, love and attention that you are currently receiving from this girl. I've been where this girl is - more times than I care to remember and it is not a good place for her. I've decided during those times, that I needed to become more creative in the bedroom in order to win his love. You know what? It NEVER worked. "The it" feeling was not there for him to begin with and great and available sex did not do the trick. You have to treat it and accept it for what it may be - a "transitory/rebound relationship". Nothing is wrong with that kind of relationship, and once you have accepted it for what it is, then you will know that the feelings that you are currently experiencing, are "quite normal". You may need more healing time so that you can cherish the sex, love and attention when it arrives on your doorstep. Good luck! Cristal Link to comment
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