infedilty on the horizon/mixed up feelings

[garethhughes1969]

i dont know quite whats wrong with me im 34 married two kids number 3 on the way next year.self employed and happy at work at last,never benn unfaithful in my life only every had one sexual partner but a few girlfriends before i got married,but recently ive felt the wanderlust,ive chatted up females on the route to work,on the internet and cancelled two dates ive set up with people who know that im married with kids,i should be happy but i feel theres soemthing missing,i dont knwo whether its purely a sex thing,a midlife crisis,a cry for help or what,the fact that i keep cancelling dates mean i think that i want to stay true but i cant help myslef asking people out,i had a near scare last year when i was on a guys night out and almost ended up going home with someone,but when i i went home i confessed all

please someone help me im really mixed up,i dont know if its related to the death of my mum 15 years ago as ive always felt a hole was there in my life that i couldnt fill or if thats just an excuse for my bad behaviour,

i havent been unfaithful yet but it feels like a timebomb

help

[BananaRamma01]

the first thing i would od is say something to your mate about it... then find a therapist (or a good friend) that'll help you through this. all you need is time and a good listener on your side. just try and confide in someone... sometimes talking about it really helps.

 

 

Always...

BananaRamma01

 

[garethhughes1969]

yeah i thonk so too but i dont know who to talk to im not the therapist type my dads too distant and my friends i dont feel theyre the type to discuss this with and the timings wrong for my partner

[Genesis]

Do not commit adultery, you just think that you are missing out on something, but alot of men go and have the affair and see that they were not missing anything. They get divorced go and find a young trophy wife and ten years from now she becomes the same woman that they left before.

 

I think you should go to couples bible study at your church if you go to church. The family was not made to be broken up. Read your bible about Lust and temptations they are hard to overcome but they can be. Pay more attention to your wife. I think you are just having a midlife crisis right now. Do not leave your family and your kids you will regrete it.

 

You will be ruining their life just because you can not keep your dick in your pants. Stop making dates with women. Stay away from places where you may meet fast women like bars, clubs. Do not put yourself in the position to stray. Pray and ask God for strength. Make love to your wife more and every thing will be ok.

[garethhughes1969]

for a start of im not religious ivve seen too many good people die young with no respect and the females ive met have been at the train station not in sleazy joints as you suggest, i want to stay loyal its not my dick thats leading me i believe its my heart and soul and its not a one night stand that i think its seeking im mixed up and in need of help not patronising

[garethhughes1969]

i dont think its truly about sex,im not religious but live and die for my kids,

its just that ive upgarded my job,my home,and still i feel this great cancerous hole/desire eating me i dont where the next few years are taking me, but i dont intend leaving my wife and family i just want someone to say dont be so stupid,you have everything you need and teh urge to wreck it all to end !

[faeriedoll]

Please don't cheat on your wife; I cheated on my husband and I felt terrible (I am not cheating on him anymore).

Here's the problem: if you cheat on your wife, you are bringing in another person to this bad situation. You really don't want there to be one more person in the mix to be hurt, do you?

Think of your kids. Work out issues with your wife. If they can't be resolved, LEAVE. Leave beofre you do something stupid. Maybe you can go back to her later but please don't cheat on her. You'll only hurt yourself (and your wife and the other woman).

Do something you enjoy and get your mind on that and off women. DO NOT make any more dates and don't put yourself in a position to cheat or to meet women (don't go to bars, don't drink to excess, etc.). Good luck.

[garethhughes1969]

this is the problem if we fought all the time.hated each other i could understand it but thats the problem we still get on i think the problems me ,i dont meet these people in bars its when im sober and thinking straight,i think the problem is me somewhere im still looking for something ill never find

[Genesis]

I tell it like it is honey. Maybe if you became religious you would have more guidance in you life rather than walking in circles. Religion has nothing to do with dying young or old. The bible says that all things (life events) work and come together for good, through the will of God, this includes death.

 

You are a lost soul/man who may not have any guidance or direction in your life. Religion will help you with your marital problems and help you realize what it is that you are missing in life. Consider reading a bible it has many passages about adultery, temptation, marriage, the role of a father, wife, child, and the role of a family.

 

I do not mean to offend you but, I know what has saved many marriages. Like I told someone else if you want to leave your wife leave her. I see so many people come here and ask for advice, many people give it to them, but it is not what they want to hear. I think many people just come here to try to get support for leaving their spouse but , unfortunately most people get advice on staying together. I hope that If I did not help you that someone will have said something to you that has helped.

 

For my non-religious comment I say just go to couples theraphy and talk to your wife more often about your needs. They say that many marriages fail b/c of a breakdown of communication. When the two of you start to communicate better with each other then, you will have better love making, which strengthens your marriage.

 

I hope that you will consider religion as a sorce to find happiness, and to complete your soul. If you have not given your life to christ , you should consider raising your family with guidelines that will give them strength to overcome weaknesses and to live a life filled with the love of God.

[Heatrae]

PLEASE....I know people in this situation. There are things you can do to prevent this. Go look at link removed. This site will tell you what to do and how to keep from straying and what may be missing. Once you cheat it becomes easier and easier. SOmething is missing from your marriage. Be brutally honest with your wife about what you think it is..she deserves a chance to try to fix whatever it is before you wreck yourself and her with infidelity