jellypp Posted March 18, 2006 Share Posted March 18, 2006 Ok...first some background..one of my good friend's boyfriend have gone for some exchange programe to Australia.And there's this guy who my friend have dated in the past..they have been sleeping together and have been hanging out alot...her boyfriend often calls her but she doesn't answer and ignores his calls often...and then if he gets angry at her for not pickin up she'll cry and find an excuse and he'll forgive her.He's such a sweet guy,he sends her gifts and letters,etc(my friend has this habit of gettin her way everytime)...so what do i do..i told her a million times about the consequences if her bf comes to know..but she doesn't seem to care...and at the same time i feel sorry for her guy im not those type to snitch but im gettin soo frustrated...everytime her bf calls me to ask where she is..i have to lie...i feel sorry for the poor guy..he's not those type who plays aroun..very loyal and a faithful bf..he loves her alot and i believe she loves him too..or?pls help! Link to comment
annie24 Posted March 18, 2006 Share Posted March 18, 2006 this is what you do: stay out of it! I know you feel bad for the bf, and hate lying, so you should distance yourself from the situation. You've told her a million times the consequences, and clearly, she doesn't care. So, stop tell her the consequences. And the next time her bf calls to ask you were she is, just tell him, "I don't know. I'm not her mom." and hang up. Stay out of it. trust me, the longer you stay involved, the higher the chance that they're going to blame YOU for the whole mess!!! Yes, YOU! Link to comment
ehm doubleyou Posted March 18, 2006 Share Posted March 18, 2006 I agree...do not be the middle man or middle woman ....I know you probably have the thoughts of just telling him whats going on...but dont...dont get involved.... Link to comment
yeawutever Posted March 18, 2006 Share Posted March 18, 2006 Yea, don't get involve in the situation. If I were you and the b/f call me asking me where she is, I would have tell him that I don't know and not to call me anymore. As for the friend, talk about something different, she doesn't listen to you and doesn't seem to care. If she wants to sleep around, let her, it's really up to her, don't ever be the messenger, it never works. Link to comment
annie24 Posted March 18, 2006 Share Posted March 18, 2006 well, the reason I say she shouldn't tell him is this: if she tells him, he will go confront the girlfriend. Apparently, she is very manipulative, and will convince him that jellypp made up the story because she is jealous of their relationship and she is upset she doesn't have a boyfriend (or whatever) and wants to ruin everyone else's relationship. The boyfriend sounds like such a pushover, he will believe the story, and then he will be mad at jellypp for "lying" to him. And the girlfriend will be mad at jellypp for "betraying" her. It just gets no one no where. Best to stay away and tell the boyfriend to stop calling you. Link to comment
ehm doubleyou Posted March 18, 2006 Share Posted March 18, 2006 I kind of agree with SwimmerBR....but unless you are looking to become enemies with your friend then dont....if you have many friends and dont really care for this person then go for it....cheaters deserve to be brought out....but only if it doesnt become too much of a burden on you. Link to comment
yeawutever Posted March 18, 2006 Share Posted March 18, 2006 It just gets no one no where. Best to stay away and tell the boyfriend to stop calling you. Yup, I agree with that. What if she ends up lying to him and the b/f doesn't believe any words she's telling. Then the whole telling the truth will be a backfire for sure. Link to comment
Scotcha Posted March 18, 2006 Share Posted March 18, 2006 I have a different perspective. I was cheated on and I eventually found out. I also found out afterwards that there were people who knew... And nobody wanted to get in the middle of it. I have a life long STD now that will never go away. If I had known about my partner (X!) cheating on me I would've been able to protect myself better. I could've ended things or at least stopped sleeping with him until I knew he was clean. Maybe he's not at risk right now because he's in another country. But what about when he comes back? Is she going to tell him? Is he going to know that she's put both their health on the line? STD's are often silent. Sex is wonderful but it can also be dangerous. I have no respect for cheaters. None. How anyone can be so selfish and put their partner's life on line like that I don't understand. If she doesn't end things with him I think he has the right to know. Link to comment
annie24 Posted March 18, 2006 Share Posted March 18, 2006 Wow - I am so sorry to hear about that. Yeah, that is another perspective. If I knew for sure that someone who was cheating had an STD, yeah, I would tell them, because it's a matter of personal health. Yeah, this is definitely one of those "gray areas..." Link to comment
Scotcha Posted March 18, 2006 Share Posted March 18, 2006 Wow - I am so sorry to hear about that. Yeah, that is another perspective. If I knew for sure that someone who was cheating had an STD, yeah, I would tell them, because it's a matter of personal health. Yeah, this is definitely one of those "gray areas..." The thing is, there really is no way to know who has an STD and who doesn't, unless someone comes right out and tells you. My ex didn't know he had gotten an STD. I didn't know he had either, not until later. A lot of them don't have symptoms and the ones that do can sometimes take awhile to develope. Link to comment
RandomAdvisor Posted March 18, 2006 Share Posted March 18, 2006 Personally, I have to agree with Scotcha too. There is a possibility that you will get blamed or someone will get angry at you, but if it were me, I would tell him. Maybe sending him a letter anonymously would be a way good way to do it, but because of all the times you've urged her to tell him, there's a good chance she will suspect you for doing it. You could always deny it...not like she has a problem with lying. Is this the kind of person you want as a fiend? Link to comment
yeawutever Posted March 18, 2006 Share Posted March 18, 2006 Dunno, what if he doesn't believe a word she's saying and instead trust his b/f. How about getting proofs and not just words. Link to comment
SwimmerBR Posted March 18, 2006 Share Posted March 18, 2006 Okay, WHY was my post deleted? Link to comment
annie24 Posted March 18, 2006 Share Posted March 18, 2006 please remember to not use swear words when posting. Link to comment
jellypp Posted March 18, 2006 Author Share Posted March 18, 2006 thanks you all for ur wonderful advices u guys seem to know a lot! Ok so her bf jus called up before i log in here...he was just asking if she's reached her mom place...sigh..apparently my friend told him she's gonna be stayin with her mom for sometime the poor guy!i agree with most of you out there...like stayin away from the whole thing,even my bf been tellin me that for sometime...but im like soo caught up in the middle..i feel sorry for the guy but at the same time can't tell on my friend... anyway so while i was typing this my friend just message me to tell him that she's at her mom if he calls...i told her i don't want to be involve anymore cos i feel sorry for the guy and don't like what she's doin...her message "ure such a b****"...now what am i suppose to say? er...im not much of a vocal person,i mean i can't realli express myself..and she's good at that!! Link to comment
RandomAdvisor Posted March 18, 2006 Share Posted March 18, 2006 Personally, I'd just walk away from this friendship and tell the guy if I were you. She doesn't sound like the kind of honest, loyal, and dependable person I'd want as a friend. I get the impression she's using you to help her lie to her BF so she can continue to have her cake and eat it too. How is your friendship with her otherwise? Link to comment
annie24 Posted March 18, 2006 Share Posted March 18, 2006 Personally, I'd just walk away from this friendship and tell the guy if I were you. She doesn't sound like the kind of honest, loyal, and dependable person I'd want as a friend. I get the impression she's using you to help her lie to her BF so she can continue to have her cake and eat it too. How is your friendship with her otherwise? ditto. if she can cheat on her boyfriend like this and call you the *beep*, then I bet she'd have no problems fooling around with your boyfriend also, or doing something else dishonest to you. You know, I've had friends that have cheated on their boyfriends, but I still trusted them ... because... I don't really know. Mostly, those relationships were in trouble anyways, because of different factors. But, I trusted my friends overall. Yeah, how is your relationship with her? Link to comment
damagecontrol Posted March 18, 2006 Share Posted March 18, 2006 I would agree that you have to reevaluate your friendship with this girl. I would not tell him, but would continue to make it clear to her you dissaprove. I don't mean give her a daily speech, but rather tell her you do not want to involve yourself and that you will not lie for her. If he calls you will say "she isn't home" but you will not make up a story for her or pass on a message to him if she asks. Link to comment
tyler711 Posted March 18, 2006 Share Posted March 18, 2006 Don't tell him??! Doesn't anyone have any integrity? If I was in this poor guy's place, I would want to be told. Instead of running away from confrontation, because this girl might "blame" you, get some undeniable PROOF that she is cheating, and show him. That way no blame will befall you, and this guy can get on with his life. It's not fair for him to live a lie, especially one he has nothing to do with. I think as a friend you have a duty, and if not as a friend, then as a human being. If you were in Australia and your boyfriend went out on you, would you want to be told? Link to comment
annie24 Posted March 18, 2006 Share Posted March 18, 2006 Don't tell him??! Doesn't anyone have any integrity? If I was in this poor guy's place, I would want to be told. Instead of running away from confrontation, because this girl might "blame" you, get some undeniable PROOF that she is cheating, and show him. That way no blame will befall you, and this guy can get on with his life. It's not fair for him to live a lie, especially one he has nothing to do with. I think as a friend you have a duty, and if not as a friend, then as a human being. If you were in Australia and your boyfriend went out on you, would you want to be told? it's not a matter of not having integrity. It's minding your own business. And the boyfriend may be more inclined to believe his girlfriend, rather than jellypp. Even if she has physical evidence. Some people can really be in denial. It reminds me of the old "joke." A woman walks into her bedroom and sees her husband in bed with another woman. She says, "You're cheating on me!" He says, "No I'm not!!!! Who are you going to believe? Me or your own eyes?" What makes me even more uncomfortable is that jellypp has been put in the middle of their relationship. A relationship should be about 2 people, and bringing "middle-men" is very unhealthy. Now jellypp is supposed to be acting as the, I don't know... secretary, telling who is away and who isn't, and who is doing what. I think it's terrible that she's been put into the position of lying to someone else and having to cover someone's mistakes. hmmm.... if she felt so inclined, she could put a letter in the mail to him with just one sentence, "your girlfriend is cheating on you." That's it, no return address. Link to comment
tyler711 Posted March 18, 2006 Share Posted March 18, 2006 she could put a letter in the mail to him with just one sentence, "your girlfriend is cheating on you." That's it, no return address. My sentiments exactly. Maybe a letter like that along with some emails the cheaters were sending each other. I just think in the long run it would be better for everyone. Who knows, he might want to marry her (if he never found out), and if she cheated then, it would be really messy. Better to clean it up now. If you like the anonymous approach, or even the minding your own business approach, to each their own. Link to comment
Liam Weic Posted March 19, 2006 Share Posted March 19, 2006 I would definitely tell him. He could really love her...and even want to marry her like Tyler said...He HAS to know. and well, she's not exactly going to tell him what she's been up to. Link to comment
yeawutever Posted March 19, 2006 Share Posted March 19, 2006 I would definitely tell him. He could really love her...and even want to marry her like Tyler said...He HAS to know. and well, she's not exactly going to tell him what she's been up to. Then again, you might nothing nothing from it, he might either believe her completely or be playing blind. She might even think of a way to retaliate in return, you never really know you you're messing with. Link to comment
Spectre22 Posted March 19, 2006 Share Posted March 19, 2006 tell your friend skankiness stopped being cool in the late 90s, especially the cliche "i cheat on my s/o while they are away in another country" type skankiness Link to comment
annie24 Posted March 19, 2006 Share Posted March 19, 2006 tell your friend skankiness stopped being cool in the late 90s, especially the cliche "i cheat on my s/o while they are away in another country" type skankiness LOL! I love it! Link to comment
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