What should I do?

[adidas7fire]

I messed up big time with my boyfriend. I created a fake email address and asked him questions. I posed as a random chick that had a problem with her bf and certain things that made her uncomfortable and then sent these questions to him to see his response. Well, after a few days, he realized that some of the things I was asking was coincidental and thus followed his hunch and realized it was me. He confronted me yesterday and after a long LONG night of apologizing and promise-making, he forgave me and are starting from a clean slate.

 

This morning we are doing very well... he called me while I was at work and told me that he loved me and wished me a great day. Before he had called, I had emailed him a nice, genuine email and told him that I loved him more than anything.

 

When I called him at work recently to ask him something about the house, he didn't seem so enthused to hear my voice yet at the end of the convo, said "I love you." He usually won't say that if he's really mad or anything.

 

My question is... what should I do? Do I email him again saying that I am thinking about him and apologize again or do I wait it out for a while? If waiting it out, how long? It's killing me to not be able to hold him in my arms and look into his eyes and really tell him face-to-face that he means the world to me. And to think that he is mad at me is even worse because I can't focus at work and it's driving me crazy!!! I know I made a mistake and we both acknowledged that but I love him so much. Let me know what you think. Thanks.

[Goodfun88]

So you've already apologized, and he's accepted that, and he says he's ok with it? In my opinion thats enough. Nothing worse than over apologizing and constantly bringing it up because that just reminds him of what you've done. If he says he's ok, you just have to trust that, and show him that you love him, and never ever do anything like that again. Good luck!

[adidas7fire]

Oh, you better believe I'll never do anything like that again!!! Holy crap, I've never been so sure about anything in my life than that... not wanting to hurt him like I did. I just have a lot of insecurities that bombard me and they got really out of hand. Thank you for your reply. Do you have any suggestions on what I could do to make things up to him???

[Momene]

If you have any questions about your relationship, ask them here. OK, so I (for one) aren't a trained expert but I've been round the block of life a few times, so can offer opinions.

 

Safer than what you did.

 

Good luck.

[Goodfun88]

Hmmm, maybe make him his favorite dinner, or if you can't cook, take him to his favorite restuarant. And if he asks why you are doing this, say because you want to and you love him. I feel continually bringing it up will only remind him of what you did. Its best to just let it go now.

[InsertNameHere]

I have done this once as well, and it was a mistake. However, you have already apologized and it seems as if he has accepted it. There is nothing more you can do.

[adidas7fire]

Yes, I am so not wanting him to remember the bad things that I've done. I want to start clean and thereforeeee, I have to appreciate what I have. I need to learn a lot and this is just a start. But last night I cooked him dinner and he liked that. And he's told me before that hates hearing "I'm sorry" so I definitely need to cut that out.

 

And coincidentally I did ask questions earlier this week regarding the issues that I emailed about but everyone told me basically to trust my gut and I was more relying on my mind than gut... and I didn't like what people were saying.. that he was cheating and whatnot. Oh well.. I guess only he and I know the true answers and considering that he's put up with me and so much drama, he must TRULY love me and I have so much respect for him. I guess when you know, you just know. THanks your inputs!

[Scout]

You know, I would just wait until the next time you see each other, and then say something along the lines of, "You know, I just want to thank you for forgiving me for what I did. To be honest, I'm deeply ashamed of it...it's just not something I would normally do, and there really was no excuse for it. I want you to know that if there is anything I can do to make up for the insult of not trusting you, I'll do it."

[adidas7fire]

Scout, I said those exact words last night... many times, believe me. But thank you.

[Scout]

Then from this point forward...just keep treating him like gold. Hey, you don't strike me as the kind of person who would consistently do stuff like this; it's clear you're deeply sorry about it.

 

So, just stay determined to make it up to him in how you treat him going forward. If he sees that consistency from you, it will really alleviate any lingering fears he might have. Guys tend to be a little more forgiving than girls, I've noticed, lol. But just don't ever, ever do something like that again.

[adidas7fire]

Word!!!

[whatchamacallit]

I have done something like this too. I knew my b/f was searching in a popular online dating site and I posed as someone he would match. I did this to see what he was up too. I felt bad cause I found out too much information! And, the real kicker was, he resubscribed cause he saw my fake profile and low and behold...he met someone else he was interested in! They only went out a few times, but he thanked my fake person and said if it works out with such and such, he has "me" to thank! As it all turned out, I could have kicked myself at the time, but the relationship didn't last with this contact.

 

Why do we do stupid things like this. It usually only hurts ourselves. I will have to admit. At times it was fun!

[PocoDiablo]

Lemme give you a little tip ... stop emailing him so much!

 

Email is a very "professional" medium of communication. It loses all emotion and feelings, and is is very easy to send something that can be misunderstood. Quite frankly, most written words are taken in a very negative manner, when in fact they were meant to be positive. Heck, you've seen some of my posts ... people accuse me of being harsh all the time. In real life all my friends would tell you the exact opposite.

 

Stay away from it if you value your relationship. Just slowly stop sending so many messages (so as not to spook him) and let him know it's because you feel emails are a bad way of communicating how you feel for him.

 

Then, SHOW him how much you care for him. Take the time to work out the problems you have IN PERSON and work to a happy compromise as needed.

 

Me? I always recommend flirting. It goes a long way!

[adidas7fire]

Well, Poco,

 

He's a webmaster and loves emails... thus the reason why we email back and forth during work. It's something that he likes. I have quit today because I feel so worthless and though I should, I don't even want to go home. I just want to take a long drive to nowhere... where the road doesn't end. But at the same time, I want to be home when he gets there, with something in hand that says "Thank you for forgiving me." Girls like flowers and things of that nature but what do you give guys as a sorry gift??? I know he doesn't expect anything but I feel as though I HAVE to do something to make it up to him. I surprised him this morning with a long letter that was left in his truck and he liked that. But a letter just doesn't feel like it's near enough.

[PocoDiablo]

I'm a webmaster by trade, and I love emails too ... for keeping track of important work-related tasks, assignements, and clients. However, when it comes to my SO, my feeling is that email sucks the emotions and romance out of things unless you're *really* good at e-flirting. I'm not saying I am, because I screw it up sometimes too, but I try really hard to flirt in emails and keep them short and sweet.

 

I would never discuss any serious topics with my SO over email. Never.

 

So, along those lines, if you do choose to email him I would say to try to keep making them short, sweet, and flirty.

 

Guys like flowers, too. Guys also like a backrub, foot massage, or other sensual favors (I'm not suggesting sex, though, I'm suggesting something different than what you usually do.)

 

You just need to use your imagination and do something nice, something unexpected, something he would like. Only you know what that is so ... get thinking!

[adidas7fire]

Yeah, we never discuss super important things via email. This was just one question that was meant to be innocent but got wayyyy outta hand. And unfortunately I got caught. But I learned and now we are working at being even more open with each other than before.

 

And I beat you to the punch last night -- gave him a full body massage and he really dug that. We are taking a roadtrip later tonight so hopefully I can do something along the way... maybe stop at a random place and do something nice. I don't know yet.. but I always come up with something. But thanks for your input. I try to keep my emails to a minimum but I put so much detail into stories, journal entries, etc that it's hard to not share everything that is on my mind via email. But I even wrote in my email that I needed to stop making them so long... lol. How people think alike... it's crazy!

 

Anyways, happy St. Patty's Day!