why do they make it so hard

[b8s]

my friend and co worker of 8 months and boyfriend of 3 months broke up with me on monday he said he couldn't be in a relationship right now. when only a week before he moved into his new apartment that he got 2 blks from my house in a building i would live in. ( he asked in the past if i would live downtown and in a building etc) i said only this area and this type of place. guess what that is exactly the type of place he got, even though he would have preferred downtown.

so the day he moved in he had me over to check it out gave me a key and kept asking if i really liked it? i told him how much i liked it and before he moved in we had talked about me moving in we had also said i love you. that night we said it as well a couple days later we had a bit to drink but we were talking about where we would put certain things of mine when i moved in.

 

everything seemed perfect he left for work the next morning and would call me that night he never called that was sat finally on mon i went by his house and he was passed out on the couch 2 late nights and thats when he decided he wanted out when i told him i deserved a return call when i called him or him just phoning to say hi. but not forgeting about me for 2 days.

 

i really dont understand how it can go from one extreme giving me a key etc etc to i cant be with you. he wont talk to me now i asked for an explanation and i sent texts did all the things im not suppose to do. when we have seen each other at work all we said was hi with are heads down. and he has been on a constant bender since last sat night i assuming thats his way of not dealing with it.

what should i do ? we had a fight once before and i had to call and texts him for a week before i got a responce from him at the time he said the only reason we got back together was because all my calls and texts showed him i did love him. because he said i had scared him by telling him during a fight that was it, it was over, ( that was me putting up a wall not really meaning it) we made it through that one even though he kept saying after i had really scared him he had been hurt before and didnt want to be in that position again.

do you think it goes back to that one and when he was getting close to me again he backed off so he wouldnt get hurt? i know i need to stop thinking so much. but things were so good i find it hard to believe he would rather be without me.

[friscodj]

I think he went into the apartment thing with the best of intentions and high hopes. Then, the reality of it actually happening, the living closer together, giving you the key, it all got too serious and real for him. When it finally started moving towards getting more serious like this, he didn't like it for whatever reason.

 

I've seen this happen when couples start talking about marriage, and one suddenly breaks up with the other. The reality of the seriousness of the situation becomes apparent. I think the same type of thing is happening here to a lesser extent but with the same result...

 

What do you do? All your calls and text are the only reason you guys got back together before. I think if you are to get back together and make it work, he needs to show you how much he wants this. So what can you do? Move on I think...

[venus777]

yeah, i totally agree with the above statement. i mean, did you get angry with him for not calling you? or did you say calmly you'd have like to have gotten a call? cause there is a difference between demanding and asking. even so, however, it doesn't make much sense to go cold turkey on you like that, so the fear of commitment thing makes more sense...

[b8s]

thanks for the advice i was thinking the same thing i guess i just needed to hear it from someone else. i didn't get angry with him i just tried to talk . it just sucks and now we have to work together so there wont even be the no contact thing everyone is talking about.

[friscodj]

it just sucks and now we have to work together so there wont even be the no contact thing everyone is talking about.

 

You can still go NC with him. The "No Contact" can be "No personal or meaningful contact". Sure you'll still see him, but the man you knew is gone. That person you are seeing is different, even though he looks the same, the man you see now is an emotional stranger to you now...and you to him... That's called putting up boundaries to protect yourself and heal...

[venus777]

yeah, i think it was a big warning sign that he already wanted you to move in at 3 months. when people do stuff like that it's a red flag, like why do they feel like they must rush things so??? i dated a guy that was already talking about being my life partner in the first month and then he turned around and became abusive, so i see that as a warning signn i guess. sounds like he has problems, try not to take it personally, it's nothing about you and it's totally his problem!