do any women appreciate unconfident guys??

[monsieur]

I wish I could find girls that can appreciate guys that have no confidence. It is just the way I am and always have been.

 

I think there is a shyness gene. It is so deeply ingrained in me, I can fake it if I try hard but the shyness is always deep down trying to come out and squash my confidence.

 

The biggest problem and also a reality check for me is the fact that 99.9% of women always list 'confidence' as being their number one thing needed in a man. I know I am not confident and never will be, at best I can fake it, but that is a fraud. I just read a profile of a girl and thought she was a match for me but then got to the line where she says "I find confidence insanely attractive..." and INSTANTLY I thought 'no chance for me'.

 

Life I guess is meant to be disappointing for many of us.

[Mrocza]

Well....girls usually don't like cocky guys either.

 

I mean, I'm sure you wouldn't want a girl talking about herself nonstop.

 

And at the other end of the spectrum, you wouldn't want a girl down on herself all the time either.

 

It's balance. No one is confident 100% of the time...as long as the guy isn't totally beating himself up, shyness is a good thing

[melrich]

Yeah I don't know that 99.9% of girls list confidence number 1.

 

And fairie is right, cockiness is not an attractive quality. You shouldn't be too concerned, there are plenty of girls out there that will like you for who you are.

[RayKay]

My boyfriend is reaonably shy - apparently he used to be a LOT worse, but he grew out of his shell

 

I don't find that a turn off at all, in fact it's a quality I really like in him - he's introspective, considerate, caring...and not this overly c0cky jerk that many whom claim to be confident are...not all, but many.

 

I think it's not shyness that turns someone off, it's overwhelming insecurity and someone whom is always down on themself. I would say to me at least, that is a turn off. If one is shy, that's great, as long as they are confident in their shyness....lol.

 

There is a BIG difference between true confidence, and c0ckiness that is masking for a lack of confidence. That being said, I think you definitely can be confident in whom YOU are, not worry about what you aren't...and THAT would be very attractive.

[monsieur]

I think the reality of what you will find is that most shy guys hate the fact that they are shy and wish they weren't shy, so that is a vicious cycle of not being happy with who they are.... and thereforeeee not confident in who they are.

 

Many many shy people are unhappy with their social place in life.

[RayKay]

True, but I do think this also has a lot to do with where they are in life. I know my boyfriend expressed he definitely used to feel this way...he grew up in a small town, was definitely shy and unsure of himself and self conscious too...then he moved to big city and that was exaberated! Some years, and changes in environments changed that. In school for example there is a lot more "judgment" and pressure to "be" a certain way.

 

I am not sure how old you are, but I think most people as they grow older just tend to not give a rat's bum anymore what others "may think".

 

I know a lot of shy people whom are doing very well in life - romantically and otherwise - as they grew more into themself and realized they don't have to be so concerned about being like everybody else.

 

If you are truly painfully shy though, to point it affects whether you can function, it may be a good idea to talk to someone, as it may be a social anxiety disorder.

 

At the very least...fake it till you make it....you'll believe it yourself in time.

[monsieur]

if it is a social anxiety disorder, what are the common ways to deal with it? I don't really want to get dependent on drugs.

[evy38]

It really doesn't matter if you are a man or a woman, the results are the same. How can you expect anybody else to value you, if you don't value yourself?

[ShaKe__]

Well,actually in my list of the qualitites a perfect guy should have,shyness is one of them.I've always found this attractive.

[yeawutever]

With shy guys (which I do like, nothing wrong with it, I'm still shy at times, haven't gotten over it yet) they're listeners who aren't there to hurt you nor criticize you, they don't act like someone they're not nor think they're on top of the world. But with cocky, horny guys, which I hate the most, agh, they're all a bunch of jerks, losers, I can imagine I would only stay about 10 secs talking to them then it's "bye bye loser". Now we aren't 100% confidence, if so then we wouldn't be humans, we do have our ups and downs all the time, it's just all about knowing how to deal with them in a constructive manner. It's ok if ur not feeling good at times, as long as u don't overdo it that ur down all the time, nor that u brag about urself constently, just balance.

[Mun]

This might sound stupid, but here it goes anyway:

Why don't you just be who you are and make no apologies for it....that would seem confident without being fake. You are being real...this is who I am take it or leave it attitude...at least try it and see how it goes.

 

 

[Tesseract_Witch]

Wow, and I thought I was without esteem. But understand, "shyness" and "lack of confidence" are two very different things. Shyness is simply a desire to be silent, to listen and learn without saying foolish things--trust me, I know what I do wrong (!)--whereas lacking self-esteem is damning, quite frankly. Why would anyone, women in particular, find "unconfidence" appealing? Unless they are controlling people--but then, why would you settle for something like that--who would want to have to raise someone up every time they fell, simply because they themselves don't seem to think they are strong enough to do so? This is no attack on your morality, not to call you parasitical as if you lean on people and cannot and will not fend for yourself. But why dwell in that hole? Is there no other place you would rather be? Why are you so afraid to try and stand up, to move your position to somewhere more habitable? Don't fret if you should be knocked down--for how could you have been knocked down to begin with? You dared to stand up. And if you did it once, it can be repeated. So try it out; what's the worst that could happen--you have one more chance to stand up again if you are knocked down. And standing up is such a great feeling.

[ShySoul]

monsieur,

 

Hey! It's me again.

 

From my name I think you can get that I'm a shy guy. I've always been that way, its just who I am. And there is nothing wrong with it. I've talked to a lot of shy guys on this board and always tell them the same thing, that there is nothing wrong with them. There is nothing wrong with being shy, it can be a good thing. You have women in this post telling you its a good thing. I've had many girls tell me personally that my shyness made me cute and more attractive. So being shy does not have to doom you.

 

The biggest problem with being shy is the notion that it is somehow wrong or bad. Yes, it has certain difficulties. So does being outgoing and extroverted. There are advantages and disadvantages no matter what your personality is. The important thing is to focus on the advantages, to concentrate on your strengths and what makes you who you are. Try to see the good in you. When you do this, when you are truly comfortable with just being you and accepted a shyness as a part of what makes you the special and unique person that you are, then you will have confidence.

 

When a girl says they like confidence, they don't mean they want the outgoing, "Mr. Popular" type. They usually don't mean he has to be take charge and extroverted. What they mean is a guy who knows who he is and is proud of it. I'm shy. I am far from outgoing. I'm quiet and geeky. I often doubt myself. But in the end, I know that I am a good person. I realize that I care about people, have many talents and skills, etc. I love myself, embracing all parts of me, shyness included. And thats what comes off as confident. I've had plenty of guys trying to tell me that I don't know about relationships and that I will never have one because I am nice and shy. But instead of giving into it, I stood my ground and defended being shy and nice, speaking up for those like us. That shows confidence, and I've been complimented by several females on that.

 

You'll often find that the guys who appear confident, are the least confident of all. They just put on a mask to hide their insecurities. So on the outside they seem great, but when you get to know them, they aren't nearly the kind of guy they portray.

 

On the other hand, the shy guys tend to be nicer and better listeners, just as Aliec said. They can relate better to girls and give them what they need instead of assuming they know what is best. Girls go for the shy and nice guy in the end.

 

And when you think about it, we are all shy at some point. The outgoing ones can get shy at times. And the shy ones once in their element and doing what they enjoy, can be incredible unshy.

[Tesseract_Witch]

ShySoul, I don't find you to be lacking confidence like Monsieur; I hope he turns out to be more like you.

[ShySoul]

Thanks Tesseract.

 

I think in each shy person is a bundle of confidence just waiting to come out. They just have to see it in themselves first and not get caught up in the idea that something is wrong with them or that they can't be confident.